Purchasing same "Family Present" for a single sibling?

[Anonymous]

Do you usually get along with this sister? Either way she acted horribly but I'm wondering if you think she was intentionally trying to hurt you or if she has some wierd, misguided idea that single = don't care about family momentos.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry OP. My sister used to send a holiday gift (think Harry and David) to my two other siblings and one year I found out I was the only one who didn’t get one and I burst into tears. Now I get one.

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand the posts suggesting that you ask for a link so that you can order one. I’d suggest saying, “I noticed you ordered albums for everyone other than me. I’d love an album.” And if you want to know what her thinking was, say, “I’m also wondering why?”

Ask her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand the posts suggesting that you ask for a link so that you can order one. I’d suggest saying, “I noticed you ordered albums for everyone other than me. I’d love an album.” And if you want to know what her thinking was, say, “I’m also wondering why?”

Ask her.

Honestly you may want to do this.

I’m the only sibling who is unmarried and childless. I get treated so poorly as a result. For example, they all vacation together without me, including on holidays, and I’m the only one not invited. And I’ve noticed I’m treated SO much better when I have a boyfriend.

I wish you’d called her out in it in the moment, “do I not get one?” So everyone in the family could see
What B she was. I understand why you just sat there surprised and trying to process though.

Although in my family if I’d spoken up it somehow would have gotten twisted around to be me reacting unreasonably.

[Anonymous]

This really all depends on the relationship. If she has a history of being a mean girl to you / or if you have done things to her, your answer could be found in the details of that history.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you usually get along with this sister? Either way she acted horribly but I'm wondering if you think she was intentionally trying to hurt you or if she has some wierd, misguided idea that single = don't care about family momentos.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just say, “I would love an album. Can I order one off Shutterfly?” And she’ll probably apologize and gift you one.

+1

[Anonymous]

Is she typically a mean girl? Did she give you another gift? Do you and sister usually exchange gifts? Do you have another close sibling that you could give some insight? Also, no way in hell I would ask for a link. Although I would tell her she hurt my feelings by EXCLUDING me.

[Anonymous]

OP - no extra gift (we do not exchange gifts for everyone, so we did not exchange gifts with one another directly).

[Anonymous]

In response to your answer that you two don’t exchange gifts…. Is it POSSIBLE the other family members, who received an album, gave her money for this??

[Anonymous]

Aww that sucks! I have been that sibling and my siblings would do the same thing

[Anonymous]

Your sister is being rude.

Your sister might have not done an album for you because she is unable to understand that a single person might also want an album of vacation photos. She might also have thought you might feel bad that everyone else's albums had more photos because of all the kid photos. But she still should have done it and let you feel how you wanted to about it. She should have recognized that excluding you altogether was much more exclusionary that any other choice she could make. She made the wrong choice.

As the last person in my family to marry and have kids, my observation is that the married/parenting siblings are often just oblivious on this issue and don't understand that just because you are single or childfree does not mean you cease to exist or don't care about things like making memories.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In response to your answer that you two don’t exchange gifts…. Is it POSSIBLE the other family members, who received an album, gave her money for this??

That’s not any better if they’ll knew except OP that sister was making one and not offered the option.

[Anonymous]

Everyone knows that most families don't consider you a proper adult until you're married with kids.

Or is that just mine? I'm successful af and perfectly happy being single. I have no desire for kids. In the eyes of my parents, I'm not a proper adult.

My mom will gush on and on about my siblings, their spouses, and their kids and completely omit me. I've heard it happen on more than one occasion. I've even been standing next to her while she forgot about me until the other person smiled and said, "and Alice, what have you been up to lately?" My mom barged in with "oh, you know, Alice - still single and all about her job."

Except that's not accurate at all. She makes it sound like I'm some workaholic with no interests or friends. I finish my workday at 6 pm like the rest of my coworkers and live my life. Just because I don't go home to a husband or have kids, it doesn't mean I'm not fulfilled and happy. I wish my parents understood that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone knows that most families don't consider you a proper adult until you're married with kids.

Or is that just mine? I'm successful af and perfectly happy being single. I have no desire for kids. In the eyes of my parents, I'm not a proper adult.

My mom will gush on and on about my siblings, their spouses, and their kids and completely omit me. I've heard it happen on more than one occasion. I've even been standing next to her while she forgot about me until the other person smiled and said, "and Alice, what have you been up to lately?" My mom barged in with "oh, you know, Alice - still single and all about her job."

Except that's not accurate at all. She makes it sound like I'm some workaholic with no interests or friends. I finish my workday at 6 pm like the rest of my coworkers and live my life. Just because I don't go home to a husband or have kids, it doesn't mean I'm not fulfilled and happy. I wish my parents understood that.

Ugh, I am so sorry PP. I am now married and have a child, but it was like this for me for a LONG time.

Something I've discovered is that I am now not that interested in the "attention" I get thanks to being married and having a child -- it feels pretty false to me because it's obvious they are only interested in my circumstance (and how it makes them feel) than actually caring about me as a person. Like I spent 15 years as an adult doing all kinds of things that my family just ignored or treated as unimportant, and now that I have a kid my parents are like "when can we visit? when will you visit? we can't want to see our granddaughter!" And I just think "sure, for now, but what happens if she is ever 30 and single, will you just ignore her completely like you did me?

My mom has since told me she regrets how they handled that situation and that helps some, but it doesn't change the fact that I felt basically abandoned by family for years until I got married and became "legitimate" in their eyes. I've made my peace with it but it is very unkind. I'm glad you at least have a good understanding of your inherent value as a person and of the importance of your life even if your family can't see it. That's their blindness.