Aftermath on couples after family visits

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How many fights have you gotten into post-family gatherings? So. DH and I just got into a very heated argument after having spent a week with my family. We said a lot of hurtful things to each other. I hate spending extended periods of time with family for this very reason. It brings to the surface a lot of issues related to child rearing, family values, etc. DH and I are not in a good place right now. He is being very judgmental and I am being very defensive. It’s never easy (at least for me) spending time with my dysfunctional family. Add to that an "outsider" who wasn’t raised in that environment and things get uncomfortable REAL quick.

Why do agree to spend a week with them? If your DH I like them then go by yiurifirba few hours. If this isn't possible, don't go.

[Anonymous]

My husband is always extra sweet to me after visiting my family because he knows how much I miss them and how much I loathe living where we live (which happens to be where he grew up.)

[Anonymous]

If your family makes you “emotionally raw” why do you see them and for so long? I dialed way back on my family and it’s been much healthier for me. My in-laws have their own crazy but I just stay out of that.

[Anonymous]

No - we are the exact opposite. If we are having a petty spat, it basically just dissolves. But, although our nuclear families look a bit different, we were raised similarly and their *was* minimal dysfunction.

OP - if you KNOW your family is dysfunctional, why are you staying a week and fighting afterward? Cut the visit short and stop the BS.

[Anonymous]

Day 5 of a 6 day visit and I lost it on my DH as well. He and I introduced my mom to a shared hobby. She really likes it too. I haven't been able to do it as much since having kids since it takes hours and a lot of focus, so it can only be after they go to bed, and as I've had two kids growing out if naps at different points, that's late and I'm tired. The problem is that they want to do it for the entire night after the kids go to bed EVERY night we visit. No more hanging out having a drink with the other adults, no more movie nights, we can't have side conversations with them because the hobby IS the conversation - it's basically crowded out any other family activities in the evening. And once or twice a trip is fine and I'll join in, but I've told my husband on the LAST two trips that I'd like to have an unstructured hangout night or movie night because i used to look forward to doing that with my family, and he hasn't listened. Now he's like "ok, we don't have to do the hobby on New Year's Eve," and I guess I'm supposed to be grateful, but my oldest also wants to stay up until midnight so I will go an entire YEAR of visits without just getting to hang out with the adults and talk about things OTHER than the hobby.

Argh, I'm still mad. This is one of those things where I have said it nicely on the last three trips and he said "OK well we'll do other stuff some nights then!" but didn't. And I used to like this hobby! Now I just resent it and don't want to bring the stuff for it AT ALL next trip because apparently he likes it more than me and can't set limits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Day 5 of a 6 day visit and I lost it on my DH as well. He and I introduced my mom to a shared hobby. She really likes it too. I haven't been able to do it as much since having kids since it takes hours and a lot of focus, so it can only be after they go to bed, and as I've had two kids growing out if naps at different points, that's late and I'm tired. The problem is that they want to do it for the entire night after the kids go to bed EVERY night we visit. No more hanging out having a drink with the other adults, no more movie nights, we can't have side conversations with them because the hobby IS the conversation - it's basically crowded out any other family activities in the evening. And once or twice a trip is fine and I'll join in, but I've told my husband on the LAST two trips that I'd like to have an unstructured hangout night or movie night because i used to look forward to doing that with my family, and he hasn't listened. Now he's like "ok, we don't have to do the hobby on New Year's Eve," and I guess I'm supposed to be grateful, but my oldest also wants to stay up until midnight so I will go an entire YEAR of visits without just getting to hang out with the adults and talk about things OTHER than the hobby.

Argh, I'm still mad. This is one of those things where I have said it nicely on the last three trips and he said "OK well we'll do other stuff some nights then!" but didn't. And I used to like this hobby! Now I just resent it and don't want to bring the stuff for it AT ALL next trip because apparently he likes it more than me and can't set limits.

Okay, you have to tell us: What IS this hobby? No judgment. Just curious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Day 5 of a 6 day visit and I lost it on my DH as well. He and I introduced my mom to a shared hobby. She really likes it too. I haven't been able to do it as much since having kids since it takes hours and a lot of focus, so it can only be after they go to bed, and as I've had two kids growing out if naps at different points, that's late and I'm tired. The problem is that they want to do it for the entire night after the kids go to bed EVERY night we visit. No more hanging out having a drinkith the o ther --adults, no more movie nights, we can't have side conversations with them because the hobby IS the conversation - it's basically crowded out any other family activities in the evening. And once or twice a trip is fine and I'll join in, but I've told my husband on the LAST two trips that I'd like to have an unstructured hangout night or movie night because i used to look forward to doing that with my family, and he hasn't listened. Now he's like "ok, we don't have to do the hobby on New Year's Eve," and I guess I'm supposed to be grateful, but my oldest also wants to stay up until midnight so I will go an entire YEAR of visits without just getting to hang out with the adults and talk about things OTHER than the hobby.

Argh, I'm still mad. This is one of those things where I have said it nicely on the last three trips and he said "OK well we'll do other stuff some nights then!" but didn't. And I used to like this hobby! Now I just resent it and don't want to bring the stuff for it AT ALL next trip because apparently he likes it more than me and can't set limits.

Okay, you have to tell us: What IS this hobby? No judgment. Just curious.

Agreed, I'm dying to know what this hobby is that so many different age groups (and both genders) can not only enjoy, but actively look forward to doing together?
Sounds marvelous, please share PP!

[Anonymous]

My MIL recently married a toxic, misogynistic man child. It was so stressful and awful to be around him, while trying to be polite and maintain composure, that we would take it out on each other. Now, we limit his visits. If he comes, they can stay one night, max. He’s also not welcome on any vacations. If that means we never vacation with MIL ever again, so be it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Day 5 of a 6 day visit and I lost it on my DH as well. He and I introduced my mom to a shared hobby. She really likes it too. I haven't been able to do it as much since having kids since it takes hours and a lot of focus, so it can only be after they go to bed, and as I've had two kids growing out if naps at different points, that's late and I'm tired. The problem is that they want to do it for the entire night after the kids go to bed EVERY night we visit. No more hanging out having a drinkith the o ther --adults, no more movie nights, we can't have side conversations with them because the hobby IS the conversation - it's basically crowded out any other family activities in the evening. And once or twice a trip is fine and I'll join in, but I've told my husband on the LAST two trips that I'd like to have an unstructured hangout night or movie night because i used to look forward to doing that with my family, and he hasn't listened. Now he's like "ok, we don't have to do the hobby on New Year's Eve," and I guess I'm supposed to be grateful, but my oldest also wants to stay up until midnight so I will go an entire YEAR of visits without just getting to hang out with the adults and talk about things OTHER than the hobby.

Argh, I'm still mad. This is one of those things where I have said it nicely on the last three trips and he said "OK well we'll do other stuff some nights then!" but didn't. And I used to like this hobby! Now I just resent it and don't want to bring the stuff for it AT ALL next trip because apparently he likes it more than me and can't set limits.

Okay, you have to tell us: What IS this hobby? No judgment. Just curious.

Agreed, I'm dying to know what this hobby is that so many different age groups (and both genders) can not only enjoy, but actively look forward to doing together?
Sounds marvelous, please share PP!

Nah. I can maintain a small veneer of plausible deniability if anyone finds this post until I name the hobby.

And yes! I used to really enjoy it myself! It was great until it became such an obsession.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Day 5 of a 6 day visit and I lost it on my DH as well. He and I introduced my mom to a shared hobby. She really likes it too. I haven't been able to do it as much since having kids since it takes hours and a lot of focus, so it can only be after they go to bed, and as I've had two kids growing out if naps at different points, that's late and I'm tired. The problem is that they want to do it for the entire night after the kids go to bed EVERY night we visit. No more hanging out having a drinkith the o ther --adults, no more movie nights, we can't have side conversations with them because the hobby IS the conversation - it's basically crowded out any other family activities in the evening. And once or twice a trip is fine and I'll join in, but I've told my husband on the LAST two trips that I'd like to have an unstructured hangout night or movie night because i used to look forward to doing that with my family, and he hasn't listened. Now he's like "ok, we don't have to do the hobby on New Year's Eve," and I guess I'm supposed to be grateful, but my oldest also wants to stay up until midnight so I will go an entire YEAR of visits without just getting to hang out with the adults and talk about things OTHER than the hobby.

Argh, I'm still mad. This is one of those things where I have said it nicely on the last three trips and he said "OK well we'll do other stuff some nights then!" but didn't. And I used to like this hobby! Now I just resent it and don't want to bring the stuff for it AT ALL next trip because apparently he likes it more than me and can't set limits.

Okay, you have to tell us: What IS this hobby? No judgment. Just curious.

Agreed, I'm dying to know what this hobby is that so many different age groups (and both genders) can not only enjoy, but actively look forward to doing together?
Sounds marvelous, please share PP!

Nah. I can maintain a small veneer of plausible deniability if anyone finds this post until I name the hobby.

And yes! I used to really enjoy it myself! It was great until it became such an obsession.

DP. I’m totally imagining all these adults staying up all night playing dungeons and dragons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Day 5 of a 6 day visit and I lost it on my DH as well. He and I introduced my mom to a shared hobby. She really likes it too. I haven't been able to do it as much since having kids since it takes hours and a lot of focus, so it can only be after they go to bed, and as I've had two kids growing out if naps at different points, that's late and I'm tired. The problem is that they want to do it for the entire night after the kids go to bed EVERY night we visit. No more hanging out having a drinkith the o ther --adults, no more movie nights, we can't have side conversations with them because the hobby IS the conversation - it's basically crowded out any other family activities in the evening. And once or twice a trip is fine and I'll join in, but I've told my husband on the LAST two trips that I'd like to have an unstructured hangout night or movie night because i used to look forward to doing that with my family, and he hasn't listened. Now he's like "ok, we don't have to do the hobby on New Year's Eve," and I guess I'm supposed to be grateful, but my oldest also wants to stay up until midnight so I will go an entire YEAR of visits without just getting to hang out with the adults and talk about things OTHER than the hobby.

Argh, I'm still mad. This is one of those things where I have said it nicely on the last three trips and he said "OK well we'll do other stuff some nights then!" but didn't. And I used to like this hobby! Now I just resent it and don't want to bring the stuff for it AT ALL next trip because apparently he likes it more than me and can't set limits.

Okay, you have to tell us: What IS this hobby? No judgment. Just curious.

Agreed, I'm dying to know what this hobby is that so many different age groups (and both genders) can not only enjoy, but actively look forward to doing together?
Sounds marvelous, please share PP!

Nah. I can maintain a small veneer of plausible deniability if anyone finds this post until I name the hobby.

And yes! I used to really enjoy it myself! It was great until it became such an obsession.

DP. I’m totally imagining all these adults staying up all night playing dungeons and dragons.

Hahaha OK I'm losing my cover but you're really close!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Day 5 of a 6 day visit and I lost it on my DH as well. He and I introduced my mom to a shared hobby. She really likes it too. I haven't been able to do it as much since having kids since it takes hours and a lot of focus, so it can only be after they go to bed, and as I've had two kids growing out if naps at different points, that's late and I'm tired. The problem is that they want to do it for the entire night after the kids go to bed EVERY night we visit. No more hanging out having a drinkith the o ther --adults, no more movie nights, we can't have side conversations with them because the hobby IS the conversation - it's basically crowded out any other family activities in the evening. And once or twice a trip is fine and I'll join in, but I've told my husband on the LAST two trips that I'd like to have an unstructured hangout night or movie night because i used to look forward to doing that with my family, and he hasn't listened. Now he's like "ok, we don't have to do the hobby on New Year's Eve," and I guess I'm supposed to be grateful, but my oldest also wants to stay up until midnight so I will go an entire YEAR of visits without just getting to hang out with the adults and talk about things OTHER than the hobby.

Argh, I'm still mad. This is one of those things where I have said it nicely on the last three trips and he said "OK well we'll do other stuff some nights then!" but didn't. And I used to like this hobby! Now I just resent it and don't want to bring the stuff for it AT ALL next trip because apparently he likes it more than me and can't set limits.

Okay, you have to tell us: What IS this hobby? No judgment. Just curious.

Agreed, I'm dying to know what this hobby is that so many different age groups (and both genders) can not only enjoy, but actively look forward to doing together?
Sounds marvelous, please share PP!

Nah. I can maintain a small veneer of plausible deniability if anyone finds this post until I name the hobby.

And yes! I used to really enjoy it myself! It was great until it became such an obsession.

DP. I’m totally imagining all these adults staying up all night playing dungeons and dragons.

Hahaha OK I'm losing my cover but you're really close!

Is it Wingspan?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Day 5 of a 6 day visit and I lost it on my DH as well. He and I introduced my mom to a shared hobby. She really likes it too. I haven't been able to do it as much since having kids since it takes hours and a lot of focus, so it can only be after they go to bed, and as I've had two kids growing out if naps at different points, that's late and I'm tired. The problem is that they want to do it for the entire night after the kids go to bed EVERY night we visit. No more hanging out having a drinkith the o ther --adults, no more movie nights, we can't have side conversations with them because the hobby IS the conversation - it's basically crowded out any other family activities in the evening. And once or twice a trip is fine and I'll join in, but I've told my husband on the LAST two trips that I'd like to have an unstructured hangout night or movie night because i used to look forward to doing that with my family, and he hasn't listened. Now he's like "ok, we don't have to do the hobby on New Year's Eve," and I guess I'm supposed to be grateful, but my oldest also wants to stay up until midnight so I will go an entire YEAR of visits without just getting to hang out with the adults and talk about things OTHER than the hobby.

Argh, I'm still mad. This is one of those things where I have said it nicely on the last three trips and he said "OK well we'll do other stuff some nights then!" but didn't. And I used to like this hobby! Now I just resent it and don't want to bring the stuff for it AT ALL next trip because apparently he likes it more than me and can't set limits.

Okay, you have to tell us: What IS this hobby? No judgment. Just curious.

Catan?


Agreed, I'm dying to know what this hobby is that so many different age groups (and both genders) can not only enjoy, but actively look forward to doing together?
Sounds marvelous, please share PP!

Nah. I can maintain a small veneer of plausible deniability if anyone finds this post until I name the hobby.

And yes! I used to really enjoy it myself! It was great until it became such an obsession.

DP. I’m totally imagining all these adults staying up all night playing dungeons and dragons.

Hahaha OK I'm losing my cover but you're really close!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Day 5 of a 6 day visit and I lost it on my DH as well. He and I introduced my mom to a shared hobby. She really likes it too. I haven't been able to do it as much since having kids since it takes hours and a lot of focus, so it can only be after they go to bed, and as I've had two kids growing out if naps at different points, that's late and I'm tired. The problem is that they want to do it for the entire night after the kids go to bed EVERY night we visit. No more hanging out having a drinkith the o ther --adults, no more movie nights, we can't have side conversations with them because the hobby IS the conversation - it's basically crowded out any other family activities in the evening. And once or twice a trip is fine and I'll join in, but I've told my husband on the LAST two trips that I'd like to have an unstructured hangout night or movie night because i used to look forward to doing that with my family, and he hasn't listened. Now he's like "ok, we don't have to do the hobby on New Year's Eve," and I guess I'm supposed to be grateful, but my oldest also wants to stay up until midnight so I will go an entire YEAR of visits without just getting to hang out with the adults and talk about things OTHER than the hobby.

Argh, I'm still mad. This is one of those things where I have said it nicely on the last three trips and he said "OK well we'll do other stuff some nights then!" but didn't. And I used to like this hobby! Now I just resent it and don't want to bring the stuff for it AT ALL next trip because apparently he likes it more than me and can't set limits.

Okay, you have to tell us: What IS this hobby? No judgment. Just curious.

Agreed, I'm dying to know what this hobby is that so many different age groups (and both genders) can not only enjoy, but actively look forward to doing together?
Sounds marvelous, please share PP!

Nah. I can maintain a small veneer of plausible deniability if anyone finds this post until I name the hobby.

And yes! I used to really enjoy it myself! It was great until it became such an obsession.

DP. I’m totally imagining all these adults staying up all night playing dungeons and dragons.

Hahaha OK I'm losing my cover but you're really close!

Magic the card game

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is not normal.

It’s VERY normal