DS Is a 20-Year-old Loser Living at Home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he hated school, he probably has an undiagnosed learning disability and fell into a crowd of kids who did not value education. He probably feels that ship has sailed, and it is too late for him. He needs an evaluation for learning differences and ADHD (but he'll have to not be using for it to be accurate), and encouragement that it is not too late to start living and learning. The psychologist who does the evaluation can also recommend therapy to deal with the trauma that is holding this kid back.

DP. This is the second or third time somebody has gone right to “trauma.” This isn’t necessarily the case and “trauma” is an overused word on this forum. Sometimes kids and teens make bad choices and fall in with bad friends. This is particularly likely when there is underlying mental illness and a need to self-medicate. But once the kid is addicted to pot (and pot is addictive), they start failing at school and relationships and it can be hard to turn around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My nephew has done nothing in three years since high school except smoke, vape, deal pot, punch holes in walls, and get fired from low-level jobs.

I felt like enough loser when I was 20, because I was struggling to land a part time job while in community college.

OP. Evidently my nephew concealed his difficulties. He barely spoke to parents, and and I have hardly seen him lately (but have been uniformly supportive). The term "loser" is unfortunately apt, because he has literally lost his sanity. If you have your health, make progress at school or work, and are not in chronic legal trouble, then you are not a loser. I worried that his parents were coddling my nephew, but he has serious mental health issues that might require permanent institutionalization. It is tempting to speculate about diagnoses, but I'll find another forum or thread for mental health. Bye.

[Anonymous]

I was going to suggest that you look up the extensive string from early last summer on how to parent young adults who are having problems launching, including supporting/structuring job hunts. I and a number of other people shared our experiences.

From your last post, it sounds like mental health support needs to be the first focus though. Good luck. Mental health support in the U.S. is such crap.