Don't want to attend funerals

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can skip funerals and people can think you’re a jerk. Easy peasy.

+1 don’t make it worse by opining about it. You get to not go, people get to think you’re cold, a formal roll out of your new policy is not going change anything and will be annoying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For a variety of reasons including spiritual beliefs, I no longer wish to attend family funerals. Anyone tackled this matter with family before? How did it go? I feel like my family is going to lose it.

I feel the same. I am not a fan of funerals and even less a fan of "showings." Morbid. Depressing. It's in my will to have neither. A memorial party after the fact with close friends/family to have a few drinks and reminisce is what I'd prefer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can skip funerals and people can think you’re a jerk. Easy peasy.

+1 don’t make it worse by opining about it. You get to not go, people get to think you’re cold, a formal roll out of your new policy is not going change anything and will be annoying.

The only jerk is you two, telling people how it is appropriate to grieve or remember a deceased person.

As for supporting a surviving family member, I have -LITERALLY- never had that happen a funeral. You barely see the person/people for more than a few minutes. It's more supportive to provide what they need outside the funeral (bring food, help with whatever they need, let them cry).

[Anonymous]

Do people really expect others to travel for extended relatives funerals? We would never travel for an aunt/uncle or cousins funeral.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do people really expect others to travel for extended relatives funerals? We would never travel for an aunt/uncle or cousins funeral.

Going through this now. A cousin passed recently and she is the most recent in a string of aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. who were elderly (large, immigrant family). Sorry, it's just not happening, even if they paid for my travel. I work. I had to make that clear early on. I"m sure they don't like it but oh well.

I'll also say, these folks who I'm generally fond of do absolutely nothing for my or my family. And they don't have to, which is fine. But, if you're not coming to visit or help me out in any way and haven't in the last 20 years, you can forget me using my leave to travel for funerals. I have my own memories of those who have passed and I'll spend a few minutes or however long reflecting on them that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For a variety of reasons including spiritual beliefs, I no longer wish to attend family funerals. Anyone tackled this matter with family before? How did it go? I feel like my family is going to lose it.

What kind of spiritual beliefs say not to attend funerals?

[Anonymous]

Unless you had a close bond with the deceased and feel paying respect is due or if have a bond with someone in family who is grieving and can benefit from your presence, there is no real need to attend funerals if you don't want to.

[Anonymous]

I may attend an acquaintance or even an stranger's funeral if there aren't many people there. I think every human deserves few comforting hands on their shoulder while facing a loss and every human deserves some respect from fellow humans.

[Anonymous]

Jesus people are so friggin self centered these days. And overly WORK focused. You all claim to be so “community” and “equity” and won’t even attend your own family members funerals because you might miss work? I doubt very much that any of you will be wishing you’d spent more time at work at the end of your lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can skip funerals and people can think you’re a jerk. Easy peasy.

+1 don’t make it worse by opining about it. You get to not go, people get to think you’re cold, a formal roll out of your new policy is not going change anything and will be annoying.

+2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jesus people are so friggin self centered these days. And overly WORK focused. You all claim to be so “community” and “equity” and won’t even attend your own family members funerals because you might miss work? I doubt very much that any of you will be wishing you’d spent more time at work at the end of your lives.

They will not be wishing that they spent more time at random relatives funerals either. No reasonable person would expect anyone to travel for an extended relatives funeral.

People have work obligations, kid obligations, and financial obligations. People need to use most of their PTO for their own family for illnesses or maybe just maybe doing something enjoyable with their nuclear families. Boomers need to remind themselves that they are not the center of the universe and chill out. GenX and millennials need to let go of trying to please people like this or expecting reasonable behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jesus people are so friggin self centered these days. And overly WORK focused. You all claim to be so “community” and “equity” and won’t even attend your own family members funerals because you might miss work? I doubt very much that any of you will be wishing you’d spent more time at work at the end of your lives.

Totally agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jesus people are so friggin self centered these days. And overly WORK focused. You all claim to be so “community” and “equity” and won’t even attend your own family members funerals because you might miss work? I doubt very much that any of you will be wishing you’d spent more time at work at the end of your lives.

They will not be wishing that they spent more time at random relatives funerals either. No reasonable person would expect anyone to travel for an extended relatives funeral.

People have work obligations, kid obligations, and financial obligations. People need to use most of their PTO for their own family for illnesses or maybe just maybe doing something enjoyable with their nuclear families. Boomers need to remind themselves that they are not the center of the universe and chill out. GenX and millennials need to let go of trying to please people like this or expecting reasonable behavior.

+2. It's not reasonable to expect people to give up time to travel for funerals. If they want to, great. I am not "work focused" I'm focused on using my time off as I wish and not spending it at a funeral 8 hours away (where all my family is). I'm sorry that is a choice that doesn't bother or you have to made. But for many of us it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jesus people are so friggin self centered these days. And overly WORK focused. You all claim to be so “community” and “equity” and won’t even attend your own family members funerals because you might miss work? I doubt very much that any of you will be wishing you’d spent more time at work at the end of your lives.

They will not be wishing that they spent more time at random relatives funerals either. No reasonable person would expect anyone to travel for an extended relatives funeral.

People have work obligations, kid obligations, and financial obligations. People need to use most of their PTO for their own family for illnesses or maybe just maybe doing something enjoyable with their nuclear families. Boomers need to remind themselves that they are not the center of the universe and chill out. GenX and millennials need to let go of trying to please people like this or expecting reasonable behavior.

You are responding to my post, and I’m definitely not a boomer. What an insulting term by the way. I get not traveling for extended family but some here are suggesting not showing for closer family members. Not a good look.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jesus people are so friggin self centered these days. And overly WORK focused. You all claim to be so “community” and “equity” and won’t even attend your own family members funerals because you might miss work? I doubt very much that any of you will be wishing you’d spent more time at work at the end of your lives.

They will not be wishing that they spent more time at random relatives funerals either. No reasonable person would expect anyone to travel for an extended relatives funeral.

People have work obligations, kid obligations, and financial obligations. People need to use most of their PTO for their own family for illnesses or maybe just maybe doing something enjoyable with their nuclear families. Boomers need to remind themselves that they are not the center of the universe and chill out. GenX and millennials need to let go of trying to please people like this or expecting reasonable behavior.

You are responding to my post, and I’m definitely not a boomer. What an insulting term by the way. I get not traveling for extended family but some here are suggesting not showing for closer family members. Not a good look.

Oh well, I guess. People cannot and should be shamed into attending a very personal event if they can't, fear, or just don't want to go. If people want to overlook all of my other traits, including being overly generous and forgiving to a fault (and I'm not disclosing any details on those), because I don't like funerals . . . so be it.