Stupid Question — custody of the Christmas tree

[Anonymous]

Can you have his parents talk to him about it? Having it at their house this year sounds nice.

[Anonymous]

any chance the grandparents could help broker the splitting of the ornaments?

[Anonymous]

Do you trust your former in laws to physically stop your ex from taking the ornaments? Because you’d be making yourself very vulnerable by letting them out of your home. At a very minimum, make sure you keep whichever is the most special to you in your home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you trust your former in laws to physically stop your ex from taking the ornaments? Because you’d be making yourself very vulnerable by letting them out of your home. At a very minimum, make sure you keep whichever is the most special to you in your home.

They are currently at the place where he lives. I don't have possession of any of them.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am so sorry for you. What a difficult situation. How close are you with his parents? Might they be willing to go get the ornaments at least? I know the tree itself seems special to your, because your child helped to decorate it, but maybe if you could just get the ornaments, and put them on a new tree, that will feel like something special too? I am so sorry for your loss, and for the difficult separation that you are going through now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, that's not reasonable if that's not what your ex wants.

Let’s assume I want it at my house, where the kids live, and he wants it at his house where the kids aren’t allowed to visit. What would you think would be a reasonable compromise?

Well, it’s already where he lives,so unless a court document allocated it to someone, possession is 9/10th of the law.

However in your special situation, I hope he’ll willingly split at least the personal ornaments with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am so sorry for you. What a difficult situation. How close are you with his parents? Might they be willing to go get the ornaments at least? I know the tree itself seems special to your, because your child helped to decorate it, but maybe if you could just get the ornaments, and put them on a new tree, that will feel like something special too? I am so sorry for your loss, and for the difficult separation that you are going through now.

Oh, I don't care about the actual tree. I just mean the decorations. I was just using tree as a short form of a tree full of decorations.

[Anonymous]

Agree with PP who suggested taking photos of them to split them up and each person takes turn choosing one.

For each half of ornaments, I’d also add make a photo collage so that it can go with parent who doesn’t get that half has a picture at least of them. You could turn the photo collage into an ornament for each of you and any other kids/family members who may want them.

I’m sorry that you’re in situation and for your loss.

[Anonymous]

As hard as it is, I’d try to mentally let go of the ornaments this year and not bring it up. Your ex sounds vindictive and I personally wouldn’t want to give him ideas to hurt me. Decorate your own tree with your kids and let them
help you pick new ornaments for this year. Maybe by next year things will be in a better place to divide the ornaments.