Do you spend most of your evening with your partner?

[Anonymous]

We spend most of our evenings together. We cook, clean and wrangle the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We spend most of our evenings together. We cook, clean and wrangle the kids.

This. And has been true our entire 18 year marriage unless one of us is not home, which doesn't happen that often. After all the above is done we usually watch TV together, discuss current events, our days, etc.

[Anonymous]

Empty nesters (kid is in college). Married 30 years. Both work from home full-time though DH now is in the office one day each week.

--Evenings we eat dinner, watch TV together (we have similar tastes in TV and movies and like to discuss what we watch), sometimes play Scrabble or another game.
--Two nights a week, DH goes to an activity he's done for decades and I like those evenings as my "alone time" to do my own things. I used to go out one night a week to an activity that had to stop during the pandemic and which has not resumed and I'm out of the groove now. Some evenings I've been taking classes via Zoom but haven't had one of those in a while.
--Some evenings after we watch TV etc., he goes off to the bedroom to read and I spend some time getting ahead on work (I work freelance and spend that time setting up some things so the next day's work won't take long). But the work part is totally optional and not every night by any means; I feel bad for the early PP who said both spouses work most of the evening and spend only half an hour together "socially" other than work. I think that's incredibly bad for a marriage long-term.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Empty nesters (kid is in college). Married 30 years. Both work from home full-time though DH now is in the office one day each week.

--Evenings we eat dinner, watch TV together (we have similar tastes in TV and movies and like to discuss what we watch), sometimes play Scrabble or another game.
--Two nights a week, DH goes to an activity he's done for decades and I like those evenings as my "alone time" to do my own things. I used to go out one night a week to an activity that had to stop during the pandemic and which has not resumed and I'm out of the groove now. Some evenings I've been taking classes via Zoom but haven't had one of those in a while.
--Some evenings after we watch TV etc., he goes off to the bedroom to read and I spend some time getting ahead on work (I work freelance and spend that time setting up some things so the next day's work won't take long). But the work part is totally optional and not every night by any means; I feel bad for the early PP who said both spouses work most of the evening and spend only half an hour together "socially" other than work. I think that's incredibly bad for a marriage long-term.

As someone else married 30+ years, I don’t know if it’s “incredibly bad for a marriage or not.” I hesitate to be prescriptive People in marriages have to figure out what works for them, and change what doesn’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We spend most of our evenings together. We cook, clean and wrangle the kids.

This. And has been true our entire 18 year marriage unless one of us is not home, which doesn't happen that often. After all the above is done we usually watch TV together, discuss current events, our days, etc.

I’m the pp you quoted and just ditto everything you said. We’ve been married for 25 years and like you, after the evening is done, we watch TV together and chat about our days, or watching and that kind of stuff.

[Anonymous]

My DH has been WFH since covid.

Pre-covid, we used to spend nights together talking about our days/kids, what's going on during the weekend, watch tv togher, etc.

Sadly this is sooo old now that we see each other all day (I've always WFH). Definitely find ways to keep yourself busy and occupied at night without your spouse in case you end up in my shoes LOL.

[Anonymous]

It’s a total mix. Some evenings we do our own thing, and some evenings we watch tv together, or enjoy our hot tub, or have an impromptu date night out. We have three kids but they aren’t babies anymore so we have more flexibility.

[Anonymous]

Every night. Dinner with the family around 7. Hang with the kids until 830 or 9 and then they go off to bed (MS kid stays up and reads usually in his room)

Then 9-10 we typically watch a program together. We can typically find content/streaming show that we both agree on. We barely have any options for time together so it would feel strange going to different rooms to watch different shows.

Then at some point before 11, we come up together and read in bed before falling asleep.

I know it shouldn't make me sad that so many people spend their evenings a part from their spouse, since they say thats what they prefer. But it still does

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife buries her face into her phone watching tiktok. Can't even sit through a tv show or movie any more. Needs new content every 30 seconds or whatever those things last.

Are you choosing movies that she wants to watch or are you picking the movie and expecting her to watch what you want for two hours?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every night. Dinner with the family around 7. Hang with the kids until 830 or 9 and then they go off to bed (MS kid stays up and reads usually in his room)

Then 9-10 we typically watch a program together. We can typically find content/streaming show that we both agree on. We barely have any options for time together so it would feel strange going to different rooms to watch different shows.

Then at some point before 11, we come up together and read in bed before falling asleep.

I know it shouldn't make me sad that so many people spend their evenings a part from their spouse, since they say thats what they prefer. But it still does

Why would other people’s preferences make you sad?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sort of empty nesters here, as our ACs live with us and work. I don't work. We are in our 50s. DH comes home and we are out for a drive, a movie, dinner with friend etc.

DH and I are each other best friends. He is a better human being than me and more easy going. I make him laugh. We are very physical family. We go around hugging each other.

Perhaps part of this is that you don’t work?

Yes. Without a doubt. I think a large part of it is - I don't work, kids are grown and we are not caring for a pet, elderly relative etc. When I worked and when kids were little, evenings were spent together getting prepped for the next next or attending to kids or cooking or other chores. DH and I were still working together and there was joy in that too because our kids were so cute, but we did not have the luxury to take off and do what we wanted to do.

DH was always supportive and equal partner with chores and childcare, but he liked that when I started staying home, both of us had a lot of leisure time and our family had a better quality of life. We have more energy & time and we have less responsibilities. + we like each other. Life is good and we feel lucky that we have each other.

I’m the 8:43 PP. My husband and I also like each other very much, and feel extremely lucky to have each other. We work together so it’s helpful for us to emphasize external friendships and interests, as well as some time apart in the evenings.

Good for you. We have several circle of friends and we have hobbies that usually align. So even for group activities we are together. Yes, we have time away from each other during the day, so we do not need the break from each other during the evening. I think if you are working together you would absolutely need some time apart!

We do go for lunch and stuff with our friends during the day or on some weekends, but by and large our evenings are spent together. Of course, this is our present situation. Life is full of changes so I am grateful that we have a happy life with each other right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Empty nesters (kid is in college). Married 30 years. Both work from home full-time though DH now is in the office one day each week.

--Evenings we eat dinner, watch TV together (we have similar tastes in TV and movies and like to discuss what we watch), sometimes play Scrabble or another game.
--Two nights a week, DH goes to an activity he's done for decades and I like those evenings as my "alone time" to do my own things. I used to go out one night a week to an activity that had to stop during the pandemic and which has not resumed and I'm out of the groove now. Some evenings I've been taking classes via Zoom but haven't had one of those in a while.
--Some evenings after we watch TV etc., he goes off to the bedroom to read and I spend some time getting ahead on work (I work freelance and spend that time setting up some things so the next day's work won't take long). But the work part is totally optional and not every night by any means; I feel bad for the early PP who said both spouses work most of the evening and spend only half an hour together "socially" other than work. I think that's incredibly bad for a marriage long-term.

As someone else married 30+ years, I don’t know if it’s “incredibly bad for a marriage or not.” I hesitate to be prescriptive People in marriages have to figure out what works for them, and change what doesn’t.

Did you not see that post to which I was referring? It's this one:

We are both working most of the time after our kids go to sleep. We try to watch TV together for 20-30 minutes before collapsing. Then we do it all again the next day...

The OP did ask for responses from people who were NOT wrangling young kids, and this PP is doing just that. But it's the work at night that is the red flag to me. And yes, I will be prescriptive: That might be their lives now while their kids are young, but if it continues, they either need a hard look at their jobs, or how to get their jobs done at a time when it does not eat into home as much as this PP says it does now.

This might be doable for a while when kids are young and maybe they're both building careers, but there's no way it "works for them" long term unless they want to wake up when the kids leave home, look at each other, and realize they haven't had an adult conversation, that wasn't about kids or work, in 18 years.

I do agree with you, though on the need to "change what doesn't" work.

[Anonymous]

2 young kids. We spend most of our evenings together. Early evenings are spent cooking dinner, talking about our day and playing with our toddlers before putting them to bed. After their bedtime, we usually clean a bit and either watch TV together (or talk), or do separate things on our phones/laptops but still in the same room or couch.

Some nights we have to work or enjoy the occasional night out with friends, but we genuinely enjoy being together...even if it's just being close while we separately read or watch TV.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I are DINKs. Early evening is spent doing our own thing--this is his time for playing video games; I read or work out. Then one of us makes dinner, we eat together, and the one who didn't cook cleans up. After that we usually watch a movie or some TV together. If we go out or see friends in the evening, it's usually together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:2 young kids. We spend most of our evenings together. Early evenings are spent cooking dinner, talking about our day and playing with our toddlers before putting them to bed. After their bedtime, we usually clean a bit and either watch TV together (or talk), or do separate things on our phones/laptops but still in the same room or couch.

Some nights we have to work or enjoy the occasional night out with friends, but we genuinely enjoy being together...even if it's just being close while we separately read or watch TV.

Yep this is us too. Kids are 4 and 2