Reply to Do you spend most of your evening with your partner?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
Empty nesters (kid is in college). Married 30 years. Both work from home full-time though DH now is in the office one day each week.

--Evenings we eat dinner, watch TV together (we have similar tastes in TV and movies and like to discuss what we watch), sometimes play Scrabble or another game. 
--Two nights a week, DH goes to an activity he's done for decades and I like those evenings as my "alone time" to do my own things. I used to go out one night a week to an activity that had to stop during the pandemic and which has not resumed and I'm out of the groove now. Some evenings I've been taking classes via Zoom but haven't had one of those in a while. 
--Some evenings after we watch TV etc., he goes off to the bedroom to read and I spend some time getting ahead on work (I work freelance and spend that time setting up some things so the next day's work won't take long). But the work part is totally optional and not every night by any means; I feel bad for the early PP who said both spouses work most of the evening and spend only half an hour together "socially" other than work. I think that's incredibly bad for a marriage long-term.

As someone else married 30+ years, I don’t know if it’s “incredibly bad for a marriage or not.” I hesitate to be prescriptive :) People in marriages have to figure out what works for them, and change what doesn’t.

[/quote][/quote]

Did you not see that post to which I was referring? It's this one:

[i]We are both working most of the time after our kids go to sleep. We try to watch TV together for 20-30 minutes before collapsing. Then we do it all again the next day...[/i]

The OP did ask for responses from people who were NOT wrangling young kids, and this PP is doing just that. But it's the work at night that is the red flag to me. And yes, I [i]will[/i] be prescriptive: That might be their lives now while their kids are young, but if it continues, they either need a hard look at their jobs, or how to get their jobs done at a time when it does not eat into home as much as this PP says it does now.

This might be doable for a while when kids are young and maybe they're both building careers, but there's no way it "works for them" long term unless they want to wake up when the kids leave home, look at each other, and realize they haven't had an adult conversation, that wasn't about kids or work, in 18 years.

I do agree with you, though on the need to "change what doesn't" work.[/quote]

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