Do you have a favorite child?

[Anonymous]

Nope.

I love them equally, and I treat them equally.

However, I am always 'quarreling' with the one who is very similar to me ( we are both very stubborn). It worries me that she might at some point feel that my conversations with her sister are 'smoother'. She is very confident in my relationship with her now, but she is still very young.

Ironically, I am more concerned about my easy child than my difficult one. I fear that my easy child could easily get taken advantage of or be easily led astray. My difficult one would only do what she wants to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One has mental illness, is in near constant distress, and spends hours every day screaming, crying, attacking. The other is fun to be around and makes me laugh every day. Am I wrong for having a favorite?

Yes.

[Anonymous]

No I really don’t. 3 boys and they are all so different, it’s truly apples and oranges.

[Anonymous]

Yes, mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One has mental illness, is in near constant distress, and spends hours every day screaming, crying, attacking. The other is fun to be around and makes me laugh every day. Am I wrong for having a favorite?

Yes.

Ditto on the yes. And I write that as the mom of three kids, two with ASD.

One of my kids with ASD requires a lot of patience and can be exhausting and difficult, not to mention irritable, and I harbor guilt that I haven’t always been the perfect mom and have lost my temper in unhelpful ways with this child more than once.

So I can relate to the challenges of parenting kids with behavioral difficulties.

But I don’t have favorites.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My H definitely acts like our oldest is his favorite and it has affected my younger son.

I like each of them more at time or maybe even times in their life.

What is your real question? Is it how to deal with not being the favorite.

My mom had a clear favorite (there are 6 of us) so really 2 favorites.

Wanting to know just how common it really is. No one, I don’t think anyway, would ever admit to favoring one in person. But perhaps they will in an anonymous forum.

Thanks for your honesty.

It’s human nature.

Everyone has a favorite parent too.

It’s not you really. Not every human is gonna bind the same way with every other human.

Maybe you are too alike, maybe you are too different, maybe you have different interests, maybe there is just too much water under the bridge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My H definitely acts like our oldest is his favorite and it has affected my younger son.

I like each of them more at time or maybe even times in their life.

What is your real question? Is it how to deal with not being the favorite.

My mom had a clear favorite (there are 6 of us) so really 2 favorites.

Wanting to know just how common it really is. No one, I don’t think anyway, would ever admit to favoring one in person. But perhaps they will in an anonymous forum.

Thanks for your honesty.

It’s human nature.

Everyone has a favorite parent too.

It’s not you really. Not every human is gonna bind the same way with every other human.

Maybe you are too alike, maybe you are too different, maybe you have different interests, maybe there is just too much water under the bridge.

Bond not bind

I would also add… I don’t love one more ever. Actually I’m probably loving the difficult one the most when they need it.

The “favorite “ has qualities that on the outside make him more fun.

[Anonymous]

My 2 kids have different special need in different ways, and I would not say favorism but I have more patience and guilt thought with the kid that needs me more now.

The oldest one is gifted intelligently with below average EQ (asd and adhd), but he can manage social circle but drives me crazy when he misses all social cues. I have been yelling at him to do more on his own because or else he can't be independent to take care of himself. I also gives him a pass more easily if he acts silly or does somethimg out of norm.

My youngest one is a girl, so cute but she is also a diva sometimes. She is a lot younger than her brother , but she is more independent taking care of herself (find food to eat when hungry, find water to drink when thristry, sit next to you or play by self when no one plays with her) etc. She even pours cereal for her brother to eat when he is hungry. She is 3 only and he is 8. I have no time for her, so she is more independent. At the same time, she has adhd inattentive and speech disorder. She has strong personality that is tough like a bull, no reading, no brushing teeth, no this and that sonetimes drive me super annoyed. She is both a sweet girl and a strong willed girl. I lost more patience to her because she likes to cry.

DH says I favor DS, but I think it is more like that I have more guilt towards him that I sometimes give way to him. I know that DD can be independent as adult because of the way she acts now at this young age even though she has some challenges. For DS, he is just smart but self care is a problem. I cannot yell much to him because of his disability and he does not get it sometimes why I am mad. DH does not favor either and think both are troubles ( one with missing cues and the other one so strong willed).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My H definitely acts like our oldest is his favorite and it has affected my younger son.

I like each of them more at time or maybe even times in their life.

What is your real question? Is it how to deal with not being the favorite.

My mom had a clear favorite (there are 6 of us) so really 2 favorites.

Wanting to know just how common it really is. No one, I don’t think anyway, would ever admit to favoring one in person. But perhaps they will in an anonymous forum.

Thanks for your honesty.

It’s human nature.

Everyone has a favorite parent too.

It’s not you really. Not every human is gonna bind the same way with every other human.

Maybe you are too alike, maybe you are too different, maybe you have different interests, maybe there is just too much water under the bridge.

I disagree that it's just human nature and every parent does.

Emotionally healthy parents don't do this.

Unfortunately many parents are not emotionally healthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 2 kids have different special need in different ways, and I would not say favorism but I have more patience and guilt thought with the kid that needs me more now.

The oldest one is gifted intelligently with below average EQ (asd and adhd), but he can manage social circle but drives me crazy when he misses all social cues. I have been yelling at him to do more on his own because or else he can't be independent to take care of himself. I also gives him a pass more easily if he acts silly or does somethimg out of norm.

My youngest one is a girl, so cute but she is also a diva sometimes. She is a lot younger than her brother , but she is more independent taking care of herself (find food to eat when hungry, find water to drink when thristry, sit next to you or play by self when no one plays with her) etc. She even pours cereal for her brother to eat when he is hungry. She is 3 only and he is 8. I have no time for her, so she is more independent. At the same time, she has adhd inattentive and speech disorder. She has strong personality that is tough like a bull, no reading, no brushing teeth, no this and that sonetimes drive me super annoyed. She is both a sweet girl and a strong willed girl. I lost more patience to her because she likes to cry.

DH says I favor DS, but I think it is more like that I have more guilt towards him that I sometimes give way to him. I know that DD can be independent as adult because of the way she acts now at this young age even though she has some challenges. For DS, he is just smart but self care is a problem. I cannot yell much to him because of his disability and he does not get it sometimes why I am mad. DH does not favor either and think both are troubles ( one with missing cues and the other one so strong willed).

I think you are going to find that when your daughter grows up she will have no time for you.

[Anonymous]

Oh my gosh no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My H definitely acts like our oldest is his favorite and it has affected my younger son.

I like each of them more at time or maybe even times in their life.

What is your real question? Is it how to deal with not being the favorite.

My mom had a clear favorite (there are 6 of us) so really 2 favorites.

Wanting to know just how common it really is. No one, I don’t think anyway, would ever admit to favoring one in person. But perhaps they will in an anonymous forum.

Thanks for your honesty.

It’s human nature.

Everyone has a favorite parent too.

It’s not you really. Not every human is gonna bind the same way with every other human.

Maybe you are too alike, maybe you are too different, maybe you have different interests, maybe there is just too much water under the bridge.

I disagree that it's just human nature and every parent does.

Emotionally healthy parents don't do this.

Unfortunately many parents are not emotionally healthy.

I also disagree that “everyone does”. I honestly don’t. I also don't have a favorite parent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My H definitely acts like our oldest is his favorite and it has affected my younger son.

I like each of them more at time or maybe even times in their life.

What is your real question? Is it how to deal with not being the favorite.

My mom had a clear favorite (there are 6 of us) so really 2 favorites.

Wanting to know just how common it really is. No one, I don’t think anyway, would ever admit to favoring one in person. But perhaps they will in an anonymous forum.

Thanks for your honesty.

It’s human nature.

Everyone has a favorite parent too.

A million times no. Just no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My H definitely acts like our oldest is his favorite and it has affected my younger son.

I like each of them more at time or maybe even times in their life.

What is your real question? Is it how to deal with not being the favorite.

My mom had a clear favorite (there are 6 of us) so really 2 favorites.

Wanting to know just how common it really is. No one, I don’t think anyway, would ever admit to favoring one in person. But perhaps they will in an anonymous forum.

Thanks for your honesty.

It’s human nature.

Everyone has a favorite parent too.

It’s not you really. Not every human is gonna bind the same way with every other human.

Maybe you are too alike, maybe you are too different, maybe you have different interests, maybe there is just too much water under the bridge.

I disagree that it's just human nature and every parent does.

Emotionally healthy parents don't do this.

Unfortunately many parents are not emotionally healthy.

OP here and I totally agree. I don’t know how people think this way.