Do you have a favorite child?

[Anonymous]

I have an only for other reasons (who is obviously my favorite) but my parents made a big show of "never playing favorites." And yet it was still quite obvious to everyone that they heavily favored my older sister first and foremost, and then doted on our youngest brother as the baby. Like even my sister and brother say this is the case. It was almost funny because they would frequently state, apropos of nothing, that they didn't have favorites and loved us all equally. Very much a "the lady doth protests too much" situation.

To answer a PP's question, I think the reason they favored my sister is that she discovered early on that she could garner attention in a largish family by being ultra-helpful and responsible, so she was, and they appreciated this and she became the golden child. However, this backfired on everyone later on. My sister has been feuding with my parents for going on 4 years now because it's like she woke up one day and was pissed about how "helpful" she'd been for the last 30+ years, and now resents them a lot. Being the favorite is not always that great. I am in some ways grateful that I was somewhat ignored as a kid because it taught me independence and enabled me to go my own way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have an only for other reasons (who is obviously my favorite) but my parents made a big show of "never playing favorites." And yet it was still quite obvious to everyone that they heavily favored my older sister first and foremost, and then doted on our youngest brother as the baby. Like even my sister and brother say this is the case. It was almost funny because they would frequently state, apropos of nothing, that they didn't have favorites and loved us all equally. Very much a "the lady doth protests too much" situation.

To answer a PP's question, I think the reason they favored my sister is that she discovered early on that she could garner attention in a largish family by being ultra-helpful and responsible, so she was, and they appreciated this and she became the golden child. However, this backfired on everyone later on. My sister has been feuding with my parents for going on 4 years now because it's like she woke up one day and was pissed about how "helpful" she'd been for the last 30+ years, and now resents them a lot. Being the favorite is not always that great. I am in some ways grateful that I was somewhat ignored as a kid because it taught me independence and enabled me to go my own way.

Wow. Interesting dynamics. Because I know what it feels like to not be favorite, I try very hard not to do it to my own kids. This makes it sound like one can’t win either way.

[Anonymous]

We have an easy one, a difficult one, and some where in between one (the middle kid). It's so easy to favor the easy one, but then I remember my own experience as a non-favorite child and consciously try to treat all of them fairly.

[Anonymous]

One has mental illness, is in near constant distress, and spends hours every day screaming, crying, attacking. The other is fun to be around and makes me laugh every day. Am I wrong for having a favorite?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My cat is my favorite

I hope you’re joking. I’ve known couples that have meant it when they said the dog was more important to them.

I didn’t say my cat is the most important. But he’s easy to love. He never gives me an ounce of stress.

I love all three of my kids the same, though at points some are more difficult than the others. It seems to even out in the end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One has mental illness, is in near constant distress, and spends hours every day screaming, crying, attacking. The other is fun to be around and makes me laugh every day. Am I wrong for having a favorite?

That’s a tough one for sure.

[Anonymous]

Of course. Oh wait, you mean out of MY children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My cat is my favorite

I hope you’re joking. I’ve known couples that have meant it when they said the dog was more important to them.

I didn’t say my cat is the most important. But he’s easy to love. He never gives me an ounce of stress.

I love all three of my kids the same, though at points some are more difficult than the others. It seems to even out in the end.

My cat's a real bastard so I don't have this problem.

[Anonymous]

No, but my parents did, it wasn’t me.

[Anonymous]

Do you, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you, OP?

No. I truly cannot imagine how I would pick one.

I also ask this forum because I’ve been asked this in person a few times lately. And it stuns me. People still do this? It feels like it would be a phenomenon of past generations that didn’t know better. Not something of more recent generations.

[Anonymous]

I find this a chicken or egg question. I see this in a close friend of mine. One daughter is just easier for her to deal with. Is she easier because she was first and didn't have to try so hard. The second is harder, but watching it is so uncomfortable because daughter #2 tries so hard to be as loved as the first.

My friend is clueless that she actually treats one differently than the other. To her credit, she knows something is different, so she does try to treat them the same. But what she doesn't recognize is that the energy is different with how she deals with one or the other. If that makes sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you, OP?

No. I truly cannot imagine how I would pick one.

I also ask this forum because I’ve been asked this in person a few times lately. And it stuns me. People still do this? It feels like it would be a phenomenon of past generations that didn’t know better. Not something of more recent generations.

Why would this be true? Do you see human behavior improving to any great degree of late? Or do you think that your generation is that much better than previous ones?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you, OP?

No. I truly cannot imagine how I would pick one.

I also ask this forum because I’ve been asked this in person a few times lately. And it stuns me. People still do this? It feels like it would be a phenomenon of past generations that didn’t know better. Not something of more recent generations.

Why would this be true? Do you see human behavior improving to any great degree of late? Or do you think that your generation is that much better than previous ones?

I think our generation is better educated on these things now, yes.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I have a favorite. Any time the kids ask I tell them it’s them who is my favorite but not to tell the others. Of course they go spill to brag when they get in arguments with each other, and then hilarity ensues.