Husband name calling baby

[Anonymous]

Who calls a baby an idiot? That is terrible. He sounds damaged and completely clueless.

[Anonymous]

Not normal. I will be honest and say that I have caught myself cursing my baby in my head when times got very stressful and he is crying. Never anything about him - it’s always “ will you just go the F to sleep”. Will you shut the F up”. I would never ever verbalize this to my baby.

[Anonymous]

Divorce. That really is the only answer if he's unwilling to go to therapy. You've posted multiple threads. The answers are not going to change anything until you do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well if your DH grew up in a worse environment, then your own DC isn't going to be ruined either. Maybe tell your DH how he looks and sounds saying that to a baby -- like an idiot -- instead of focusing on how he's harming a child who is being hugged and has no idea what the words his father says actually mean.

I disagree, and would say obviously her DH experienced some trauma that he hasn’t worked through. The way he’s expressing it is very damaging. What I do agree with is talking to DH and asking him to think of himself as a baby being called an idiot. How does that make him feel?

A spouse is not a replacement for very much needed therapy. She shouldn't be placed in that situation with an infant to take care of and protect from DH.

[Anonymous]

There's no way a man like that didn't show you who he was beforehand.

[Anonymous]

Person who was raised in a name calling household here!

This is something he can overcome, I’m sure. But it’s going to require some therapy or hard years ahead (ask me how I know!). In dysfunctional households, it’s REALLY hard to find the line between teasing and toxicity (I’m sure it’s clear from the outside).

I know he’s resistant but I hope you’re able to help him find the help he doesn’t yet know he needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Divorce. That really is the only answer if he's unwilling to go to therapy. You've posted multiple threads. The answers are not going to change anything until you do.

Not OP here. You keep responding to similar threads. Few people respond to you, because your posts are not very helpful nor, frankly, do they sound very genuine.

[Anonymous]

Just reading your post, you say he says "idiot" while hugging the kid. Seems like it's more of a joke than a serious insult. I don't think this is a big deal unless he keeps saying it once the kid is older and actually understands the word.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Basically just looking for validation that I am not crazy. DH has had issues regulating his emotions since our son was born. There has been many instances that he has been so frustrated with our son that he has had shown 0 composure and has just defaulted to what he knows best which is cursing and name calling. Over the past 8 months there has been at least 10 instances of name calling

Babies are stressful. But, I am finding it nearly impossible to have any empathy for my husband. He has demonstrated such a short fuse and inability to handle stress. Basically if my son does something that causes him to hurt himself my husband just calls him an idiot. For example, he has started to crawl and he is able to lift himself up by climbing on something,and occasionally he falls. He tries to climb on everything and inevitably falls. When he falls and cries my husband calls him an idiot while giving him a hug. My husband immediately apologizes and says he just blurts it out without thinking but I am growing increasingly concerned that this is his default during stressful situations. It is not in a living way but his tone comes of frustrated since he always uses the word to say “effing” idiot.

Even worse, he gaslights me telling me I am over reacting that this is “damaging” our son. Not surprising my husband grew up in a household where yelling and name calling was the norm. He tells me that I am not appreciative enough and don’t recognize the work he has done in this area. My husband refuses to go to therapy and wants to work on it “on his own time.” I’m at a loss for what to do. I’m more disgusted my husband doesn’t see anything wrong with calling a baby an idiot. He is only trying to make it better because it makes me so upset

Telling you you are overreacting is not gaslighting. It’s a lot of rude things but not that.

[Anonymous]

Remove your baby from the situation immediately. There is no Grey area with this issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just reading your post, you say he says "idiot" while hugging the kid. Seems like it's more of a joke than a serious insult. I don't think this is a big deal unless he keeps saying it once the kid is older and actually understands the word.

+1 this whole thread seems like a wild overreaction. I call my toddler a “little doofus” all the time when he does dumb stuff. So what?!

[Anonymous]

You’re definitely overreacting maybe a little bit crazy? No just stressed out, but seriously this is a relationship issue. You need to communicate better. Husbands often feel a bit left out and under appreciated when babies come. Give him some positive attention, be a good example he will follow through.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just reading your post, you say he says "idiot" while hugging the kid. Seems like it's more of a joke than a serious insult. I don't think this is a big deal unless he keeps saying it once the kid is older and actually understands the word.

+1 this whole thread seems like a wild overreaction. I call my toddler a “little doofus” all the time when he does dumb stuff. So what?!

+2 And he’s done this once or twice a month.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just reading your post, you say he says "idiot" while hugging the kid. Seems like it's more of a joke than a serious insult. I don't think this is a big deal unless he keeps saying it once the kid is older and actually understands the word.

+1 this whole thread seems like a wild overreaction. I call my toddler a “little doofus” all the time when he does dumb stuff. So what?!

From OP's description it doesn't sound like he's lovingly be saying "oh you idiot" but rather getting frustrated over little things and cursing and name-calling. When baby becomes a threenager it's easy to see how this can get worse. But maybe you're right. Either way the posters telling her to divorce him immediately are obviously trolls. They post on every thread like this one.

[Anonymous]

Look I get why people are saying "divorce" even if I don't agree-- that said, then what? Then he'll be alone with the kid which seems much worse...