Drowning in stuff, finally time to tackle but how to not be overwhelmed? Anyone do this before?

[Anonymous]

Good advice thus far!

Since you have a whole week to tackle, why not completely empty out the attic and get people to take anything back they want or to put in storage. Then get down to sorting through the things boxed up from the move. Then you can consider how you can use the attic storage space and how much stuff you can really keep. Is the basement usable, and do you want to use it for storage moving ahead, or use the space for something else? Right now it seems like all your storage space is completely full of stuff that isnt yours or that you arent even sure you want to keep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay 1, you just listed like 8 excuses for internet strangers who don’t know you. Dealing with all that guilt is really hard, so don’t do it this week. Try to coach yourself as if you were a good friend talking to you.

As a good friend/child of cluttered people, let me help:

“This is just stuff!! You are not a bad person because your house is cluttered. You are loved and worthy and nobody is perfect. Remember how clean Patrick Bateman’s apartment was? That’s because he was a murdering psychopath.”

“We are not going to get to perfection this week and that is perfectly okay. This is not a pass/fail project. We get partial credit! For literally anything you manage to get rid of, there is a benefit. So we’re just going to work until we’re out of time and all of that work will count and help, even if it is not all ‘done’ and you still have ‘too much stuff.’””

“This is hard work with a lot of emotions. It’s okay to get frustrated, to take breaks, and to ask for help.”

“It’s really great that you care about yourself and your family enough to spend all this time trying to make their space more functional and welcoming.”


Can you tell I have said all these things before? That’s how I know they’re true. As best you can, ignore your own inner monologue and say this. Your inner monologue can wait until you have time for years of therapy. It will still be there next week, waiting for you.

In terms of strategy, I think you could do worse than reading and following Marie Kondo’s book. Basically she has you tackle one category at a time by piling everything up, purging, and then putting it back in an organized fashion. It works for me as a method, and you have a nice chunk of time. But if you read it and are repelled, there are lots of others out there!

You could also hire an organizer to help you, or even just a task rabbit. Sometimes having someone else helps a lot if you are stuck.

Good luck!! Go you!! I believe in you!

This is so lovely, PP. You are clearly a kind and empathetic person. I’m sure there are many of us besides OP who needed to hear a few of these things.

[Anonymous]

I would tell the parents they have until December 31, 2022 to take anything they want, back; otherwise you will sell/donate it as you wish but you're not keeping it. And then I'd put it all to the side.

Other than that, I'd use the touch once method as much as possible. The second I have two bags/boxes worth of stuff to donate or throw away I'd use my next break to go do that. Even though it'll be a lot of trips, getting crap out of the house is really important - you can't take stuff out of the boxes, you can't just push it all to one side, etc.

[Anonymous]

Definitely get your kids onboard! Dealing with clutter is a life skill that will serve them well in the future. It’s also useful for them to get a taste of how pleasant it feels to live in a well-organized space. Like most of us, they may not always keep their own spaces that way, but at least they’ll know what to aim for. And you might be surprised, OP — at least in our house, my teen is actually MORE ruthless than I am about getting rid of what doesn’t serve her needs. She doesn’t share my sentimental attachments or my disappointment over the money that went to pay for unused items.

When it comes to the items left to you by others, don’t feel bad about issuing a deadline (if they might want things back) or getting rid of items (if the decisions are in your hands). Once something has been given to you, it is yours to do with what you will. For “keepsakes” that aren’t personally meaningful to you, you do not owe anyone a sentimentality that you do not feel. The items have already served their purpose of making the original owners happy. To the extent that they are antiques or vintage, someone else who values that style may be thrilled to have them (whether you donate to a thrift store, “buy nothing” them and watch them go directly into someone else’s hands, or whatever).

In terms of getting rid of items, I find it helpful to have empty boxes on hand. You’ll need a bunch in order to pack up donations. Re-purposed is fine. If you don’t want to make trips to donation centers, etc, and can’t get a charity pickup as quickly as you’d like, there’s always the option to pay a “man with a van” or College Hunks Hauling Junk (despite the name and fact that’s it’s a franchise, I’ve heard good things), or whatever. They will transport your donations as well as haul away your junk.

[Anonymous]

Done is better than perfect.

What I do is: drink a coffee, put on some music or an interesting podcast to keep me entertained, and get to work on one area--pick a small-ish area to start out like the kitchen counter or a bookshelf and then once you get some momentum going you can expand to a larger area at a time like a whole closet -- I go through and sort items into 4 piles: items to keep, items to donate to Goodwill or wherever you donate things, items to pass on to a family member/friend, items to throw out. If it seems overwhelming or like you're creating an even bigger mess, maybe take a short break but I've found that the break should be only about 5-10 mins because any longer and you'll just give up entirely.

Paper is the hardest thing for me. I'm a very sentimental person and have a hard time getting rid of things my kids created or things related to their school work or cards/notes I've received. So for those sentimental items I display a few of my favorites on the fridge or on the wall of my kids' rooms and then I limit myself to a small box per kid (that is kept under their bed) for any additional art work and school work that's special and one small box for me for letters/cards I'd like to save. And I take a picture of each thing that I wind up discarding before I recycle/trash it. I'll probably never do anything w/ those pictures again (I have seen a website where you can create a book of your kids' art but I doubt I'd ever actually do that) but it makes it easier for me to throw the art away knowing I have at least kept a picture of it. Then we have a file box where we keep important papers/documents stored. I have a file for each family member w/ birth certificates, passports, etc. and then a file for the house, the cars, health stuff, insurance stuff, etc. so it's easy to keep that stuff organized and always know to put it back in the same spot so we don't lose it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d start with a pencil and paper think through a strategy before you get sucked into the mess of distractions. Think about what you want you house to be, how you want it to flow, with. Also list the things you know are packed and determine where you want them.

Determine which room you need functioning first and get that room sorted before moving on.

Always have a set of bins while you are sorting and take out the trash regurally.

+1. I’m a reformed slob. This is exactly what I’d suggest too. Make a plan for what needs to go where & find a way to delegate.

I’d start practical and start with stuff that makes it easier to get out the door:
Work bag/school bags: dump everything and organize/streamline contents. Create a spot for all of this to get parked once sorted (hooks near door, repurpose a coat closet, etc)
Gym/sports: each person gets a bag that holds all the stuff they need for each activity (shoes, balls, rackets, etc). Label the bags and make sure there is an easy place for this stuff to land (hooks/cubbies near door/repurposed coat closet etc.) - and if stinky athletic clothes are involved, make a laundry hamper available nearby.
Lunch stuff: organize and sort bags/storage containers, create self-serve area where kids can DIY their lunches assuming they’re old enough
Paperwork: open any unopened mail, toss what you can and create a prioritized pile of admin for the rest. Label separate piles for you/spouse/kids and delegate responsibility to others as much as possible.

Create covered donation bins to keep in garage or basement. As soon as you don’t want something, into the bin it goes. Cover them up so that your kids/spouse don’t walk by and gain renewed interest and ‘rescue’ un-needed stuff. As those bins fill, drop them off. Ferrying donations to goodwill etc is a great task for people to do when they ask how they can help. My teen did 40 of her required learner’s permit hours driving stuff to the dump when we had to clean out my parents’ house.

Dealing with the above will help create time and control messes, preventing them from snowballing.

As you have bandwidth, go room by room or even corner by corner, following your game plan to relocate items to areas better-suited places. Seeing improvement will help you gain confidence and a sense of progress, so target high-visibility places first.

[Anonymous]

I just did this, I still have two rooms to do yet. Oh so painful but once you start donating and throwing things, get rid of a box of stuff, however small, a day or every other day. You’ll feel good and be motivated to do more.

[Anonymous]

In addition to the great tips above, I had a big realization this fall that helped a ton: you don't have to wait till you've triaged everything to have junk guys come and take some stuff away.

I had Eco City Junk (fantastic, kind, and found thanks to a DCUM rec) come and take away several large items that should have gone years ago, which cleared literal and mental space for me to tackle other things.

Broken chairs I'd never get around to having repaired, spare box spring, ancient TV, old rolled up rugs I'd never use—GONE! And that left me room to look around the basement and actually see what the other stuff was, and one clear tabletop to start sorting boxes on. From there, the donating/gifting/sorting/labeling process really picked up steam, because it didn't seem like an unstartable or physically undoable project anymore.

[Anonymous]

I put random stuff in a box. Two weeks later, if I’ve forgotten what was in the box, we discard or donate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of your overflow space (attic) is filled with other people's stuff. (I can relate! My MIL did the same thing.) Ask them to come get it or offer to put it in storage for them.

Start with one room. Have a box for donations, a box for moving upstairs, a trash bag, and a recycling bag.

When it comes to sentimentality, give yourself a big box for kid's artwork or whatever you want to keep. Visualize what you want the box to look like in 10 years when the kids are gone. Do you want reams and reams of school assignments or just a few favorite pieces in there? As you chuck the excess, feel happy while you do it. Think, "aw, how cute," and have a little moment enjoying the memories. You're not getting rid of your memories or your love. You're just choosing which pieces will best represent it in a finite amount of space.

Take pictures of art work before you throw them away. Later, it is super easy to delete the pictures. It worked for me.

Why on earth would you then delete the pictures? I love being able to see artwork from childhood.

[Anonymous]

I would start by labelling your boxes or put like things with like if what is in the boxes is not already one type of thing. Then pick a category to tackle first, like clothes. You could try to make the most public areas of your house presentable. You could start small by organizing the bathrooms. Just start somewhere. You are still recovering from things that happened so it's going to take a while to dig out again.

[Anonymous]

Do you have a best friend that you trust and don’t care to see your mess? Call them in. They can keep you on task so you don’t get swept up in sentimental moments sorting through all this. They are impartial. I did this for a friend when her mom died and we had to clean out the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You take one area of room and clean. Have three boxes;. 1. Throw away 2. Keep. 3. Not sure. Clean in 30 minutes increments. Take a break and go back. Get that area cleaned and move into next. I have a relative who was a hoarder and two of us cleaned her 12-room house this way in five days

Op here, that is fast! And inspiring!
"Not sure" boxes help me in the moment, and I need that now. One problem is I am bad about going back to them. I'm sure there are some in my attic from past cleanups.

That was fast because it wasn't the PP's stuff. It's a lot easier to throw away other people's things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have a best friend that you trust and don’t care to see your mess? Call them in. They can keep you on task so you don’t get swept up in sentimental moments sorting through all this. They are impartial. I did this for a friend when her mom died and we had to clean out the house.

Op here. No, not really. Do many people have that kind of friend? Maybe my best friend from childhood, but she's across the country.

Overall I'm really embarrassed at the current situation and not ready to be that vulnerable with people I want to see again in the future. Plus I'd feel guilty occupying their precious family time with my messes. I think I'll get the most with done during the work week anyway when the house is empty.

That's sweet that you helped your friend, though!

Kids are working on their room and husband is pretending to attend to his piles while looking at his phone, so I should probably get back to it myself!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good advice thus far!

Since you have a whole week to tackle, why not completely empty out the attic and get people to take anything back they want or to put in storage. Then get down to sorting through the things boxed up from the move. Then you can consider how you can use the attic storage space and how much stuff you can really keep. Is the basement usable, and do you want to use it for storage moving ahead, or use the space for something else? Right now it seems like all your storage space is completely full of stuff that isnt yours or that you arent even sure you want to keep.

I wish I could do that. There is just not physically enough space to put things from the attic elsewhere in the house. If it were not raining I could temp move things to the deck.

The basement has some space. I think this is one area where I need to buy better storage shelves.