My baby's daddy is so great because

[Anonymous]

OP, if your baby daddy is so wonderful, why don't you MARRY him and make it legal? it's a smart move for the sake of your child. marriage has many advantages, which is why gay people are fighting so hard for the privilege. what are you waiting for?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, not be be Debbie Downer but your DH's are great because they wake up with the kids and change poopy diapers? Um, hello! Aren't they SUPPOSE to do those things or did you expect to do it all? What happened to shared chores and child rearing? I just am not seeing how these things make our DH's "GREAT". My lands people, they SIGNED UP FOR THESE THINGS when they had kids.

Are you married?

Yup. Married with three kids and my DH gets up each morning at 5:30am and helps with bath/bedtime. He changes the toddlers poops, I change the babies poops. I hinestly expect him to do these things. We are both in charge of various tasks and I am not going to praise him for dealing with his kids and house and etc, etc. His mom raised him to know these are part of having a family. I guess it's great I sleep in until 7am but there are tons of things I do that are equally wonderful for him. I DO get the praise part and I DO get that it's oh so great that these men do these things but come on, IT IS THEIR JOB. It's their family. I am not raising my son to feel like they are great and mightly and OH SO HELPFUL for contributing to the household or what not. It's life. Maybe if men didn't get the praise they get for doing things women do ALL THE TIME we'd move away from the attitude many men do exhibit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, not be be Debbie Downer but your DH's are great because they wake up with the kids and change poopy diapers? Um, hello! Aren't they SUPPOSE to do those things or did you expect to do it all? What happened to shared chores and child rearing? I just am not seeing how these things make our DH's "GREAT". My lands people, they SIGNED UP FOR THESE THINGS when they had kids.

Typical DCUM Forum - negativity when someone was trying to be positive. Yes, a lot of this is "expected", however, not every DH out there contributes their share, besides isn't it nice to be praised for doing the daily chores? It is expected that I breastfeed since I have the breasts, but it is great that my DH is so supportive and tells me what a great job I am doing and offers to give bottles if I need a break. Isn't it nice to pay back your DH with the same support and praise with all they are doing? Or maybe yours isn't doing any of this and that is why you are being Debbie Downer.

I am not being negative or bashing any great men, I just honestly do not understand why these things make dad's so wonderful. These are their kids. If they didn't do these things they'd be fairly crappy dads, just like if a mom didn't. It is part of taking care of your family. My DH does great with the kids and does his part with the family, but as a partnership he doesn't get praise for doing what is expected of him and he is fine with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, not be be Debbie Downer but your DH's are great because they wake up with the kids and change poopy diapers? Um, hello! Aren't they SUPPOSE to do those things or did you expect to do it all? What happened to shared chores and child rearing? I just am not seeing how these things make our DH's "GREAT". My lands people, they SIGNED UP FOR THESE THINGS when they had kids.




Intellectually, I agree with this. However, practically speaking, even in this day and age, unfortunately those things DO make for a great husband/father. Also, I am the PP who posted about my DH changing every poopy diaper. I guess I am technically supposed to be an equal parent in this also. However, I HATE shitty diapers and they make me gag. I will change them if I have to, but I don't have to when we are both around. Because my husband is willing to pick up my share of the slack. Also, I should, technically under your theory, be getting up at least half the time at 5:30 a.m. when my 2 year old does. I don't because my DH has taken this on. So, I get to regularly sleep in and he does not. That makes him pretty great in my department.

Each individual chore does not need to be 50/50 but that doesn't mean men get praised for doing what is expected of them. Ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, not be be Debbie Downer but your DH's are great because they wake up with the kids and change poopy diapers? Um, hello! Aren't they SUPPOSE to do those things or did you expect to do it all? What happened to shared chores and child rearing? I just am not seeing how these things make our DH's "GREAT". My lands people, they SIGNED UP FOR THESE THINGS when they had kids.

Are you married?

Yup. Married with three kids and my DH gets up each morning at 5:30am and helps with bath/bedtime. He changes the toddlers poops, I change the babies poops. I hinestly expect him to do these things. We are both in charge of various tasks and I am not going to praise him for dealing with his kids and house and etc, etc. His mom raised him to know these are part of having a family. I guess it's great I sleep in until 7am but there are tons of things I do that are equally wonderful for him. I DO get the praise part and I DO get that it's oh so great that these men do these things but come on, IT IS THEIR JOB. It's their family. I am not raising my son to feel like they are great and mightly and OH SO HELPFUL for contributing to the household or what not. It's life. Maybe if men didn't get the praise they get for doing things women do ALL THE TIME we'd move away from the attitude many men do exhibit.

Not one of the PP, but I feel bad for you and your husband. My DH tells me regularly what a great mom he thinks I am, how much he appreciates all I do, and tells me I look beautiful. I tell him all the same things (well, I probably use the word "handsome" for him). Yeah, it's my job to be a mom, change poopy diapers, and feed my kid, but it is still nice to hear that it is appreciated. And, I am sure my DH likes to hear that as well.

[Anonymous]

Perhaps a lot of the praise for the 50/50 stuff is coming from people's experiences with their own parents, because a generation ago, let's face it - many dads were pretty hands off.

Why I love DH? He LOVES being a dad. It makes him SO happy, and he is so much more patient than I am. He loves to play, and most of all, to share life experiences with our sons - even if it's small stuff like going to lunch together, watching the planes at the airport, working on the car, playing with legos...

[Anonymous]

I'm with the "Debbie Downer" poster on this one - you all are praising your husbands for being such wonderful human beings primarly because they're not being giant slackers. So all it takes to be "great" is to do what you should already be doing, and not leave all of the work to someone else? I must be a frickin' rock star, if that is the case!

[Anonymous]

Yup. Married with three kids and my DH gets up each morning at 5:30am and helps with bath/bedtime. He changes the toddlers poops, I change the babies poops. I hinestly expect him to do these things. We are both in charge of various tasks and I am not going to praise him for dealing with his kids and house and etc, etc. His mom raised him to know these are part of having a family. I guess it's great I sleep in until 7am but there are tons of things I do that are equally wonderful for him. I DO get the praise part and I DO get that it's oh so great that these men do these things but come on, IT IS THEIR JOB. It's their family. I am not raising my son to feel like they are great and mightly and OH SO HELPFUL for contributing to the household or what not. It's life. Maybe if men didn't get the praise they get for doing things women do ALL THE TIME we'd move away from the attitude many men do exhibit.

Not one of the PP, but I feel bad for you and your husband. My DH tells me regularly what a great mom he thinks I am, how much he appreciates all I do, and tells me I look beautiful. I tell him all the same things (well, I probably use the word "handsome" for him). Yeah, it's my job to be a mom, change poopy diapers, and feed my kid, but it is still nice to hear that it is appreciated. And, I am sure my DH likes to hear that as well.

Oh, gag. Really, pity her for having a marriage where her husband doesn't need to be given gold stars like a little child, just for doing what he should be doing? I didn't read anywhere in her post that she and her husband maintain a strict vow of silence re: expressing appreciation or affection for one another. She's just not busy congratulating him for not being a loser. What low standards we must have for the men in our lives if excellence is achieved merely by not being awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm with the "Debbie Downer" poster on this one - you all are praising your husbands for being such wonderful human beings primarly because they're not being giant slackers. So all it takes to be "great" is to do what you should already be doing, and not leave all of the work to someone else? I must be a frickin' rock star, if that is the case!

Wow. Some people will just never be happy, will they? You will always find something to pick at, something to complain about, someone to criticize. I think it's pretty cool for a person to think his or her spouse is awesome, basically regardless of the reason. It's called a healthy and happy marriage. I wish it for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Yup. Married with three kids and my DH gets up each morning at 5:30am and helps with bath/bedtime. He changes the toddlers poops, I change the babies poops. I hinestly expect him to do these things. We are both in charge of various tasks and I am not going to praise him for dealing with his kids and house and etc, etc. His mom raised him to know these are part of having a family. I guess it's great I sleep in until 7am but there are tons of things I do that are equally wonderful for him. I DO get the praise part and I DO get that it's oh so great that these men do these things but come on, IT IS THEIR JOB. It's their family. I am not raising my son to feel like they are great and mightly and OH SO HELPFUL for contributing to the household or what not. It's life. Maybe if men didn't get the praise they get for doing things women do ALL THE TIME we'd move away from the attitude many men do exhibit.

Not one of the PP, but I feel bad for you and your husband. My DH tells me regularly what a great mom he thinks I am, how much he appreciates all I do, and tells me I look beautiful. I tell him all the same things (well, I probably use the word "handsome" for him). Yeah, it's my job to be a mom, change poopy diapers, and feed my kid, but it is still nice to hear that it is appreciated. And, I am sure my DH likes to hear that as well.

Oh, gag. Really, pity her for having a marriage where her husband doesn't need to be given gold stars like a little child, just for doing what he should be doing? I didn't read anywhere in her post that she and her husband maintain a strict vow of silence re: expressing appreciation or affection for one another. She's just not busy congratulating him for not being a loser. What low standards we must have for the men in our lives if excellence is achieved merely by not being awful.

OMG, THANK YOU. THIS IS MY POINT. I love dh, he is a wonderful dad and does his share of everything and of course we say wonderful things to one another on a couples level but I'll be damned if I praise him for being the father and care taker he is suppose to be. In addition, I am not doing this praising crap in front of my sons who will learn that they are super heros if they do what is expected of them. I'm not being a good role model if I do not teach my sons that they do what is expected without being coddled and rubbed and praised. No wonder so many boy do grow up to be slackers and lazy men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH lets me stay at home with our beautiful daughter while he goes to work and supports our family. And he also takes out the trash! I couldn't ask for more

You could ask for more control in the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, not be be Debbie Downer but your DH's are great because they wake up with the kids and change poopy diapers? Um, hello! Aren't they SUPPOSE to do those things or did you expect to do it all? What happened to shared chores and child rearing? I just am not seeing how these things make our DH's "GREAT". My lands people, they SIGNED UP FOR THESE THINGS when they had kids.

Are you married?

Yup. Married with three kids and my DH gets up each morning at 5:30am and helps with bath/bedtime. He changes the toddlers poops, I change the babies poops. I hinestly expect him to do these things. We are both in charge of various tasks and I am not going to praise him for dealing with his kids and house and etc, etc. His mom raised him to know these are part of having a family. I guess it's great I sleep in until 7am but there are tons of things I do that are equally wonderful for him. I DO get the praise part and I DO get that it's oh so great that these men do these things but come on, IT IS THEIR JOB. It's their family. I am not raising my son to feel like they are great and mightly and OH SO HELPFUL for contributing to the household or what not. It's life. Maybe if men didn't get the praise they get for doing things women do ALL THE TIME we'd move away from the attitude many men do exhibit.

Ok, but even in your own post you call what your husband does "helping." It kind of flies in the face of the rest of your tirade, no? FWIW, I think the term "helping" is ridiculous in describing a husband being a full participant in the household and in childrearing.

My husband is great for a thousand reasons, many of which involve our house and our kids. I thank him pretty much every time he does something for either. He does the same. It's not a chore to be happy and grateful. Just because something is expected and appropriate doesn't mean it can't be appreciated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Yup. Married with three kids and my DH gets up each morning at 5:30am and helps with bath/bedtime. He changes the toddlers poops, I change the babies poops. I hinestly expect him to do these things. We are both in charge of various tasks and I am not going to praise him for dealing with his kids and house and etc, etc. His mom raised him to know these are part of having a family. I guess it's great I sleep in until 7am but there are tons of things I do that are equally wonderful for him. I DO get the praise part and I DO get that it's oh so great that these men do these things but come on, IT IS THEIR JOB. It's their family. I am not raising my son to feel like they are great and mightly and OH SO HELPFUL for contributing to the household or what not. It's life. Maybe if men didn't get the praise they get for doing things women do ALL THE TIME we'd move away from the attitude many men do exhibit.

Not one of the PP, but I feel bad for you and your husband. My DH tells me regularly what a great mom he thinks I am, how much he appreciates all I do, and tells me I look beautiful. I tell him all the same things (well, I probably use the word "handsome" for him). Yeah, it's my job to be a mom, change poopy diapers, and feed my kid, but it is still nice to hear that it is appreciated. And, I am sure my DH likes to hear that as well.

Oh, gag. Really, pity her for having a marriage where her husband doesn't need to be given gold stars like a little child, just for doing what he should be doing? I didn't read anywhere in her post that she and her husband maintain a strict vow of silence re: expressing appreciation or affection for one another. She's just not busy congratulating him for not being a loser. What low standards we must have for the men in our lives if excellence is achieved merely by not being awful.

OMG, THANK YOU. THIS IS MY POINT. I love dh, he is a wonderful dad and does his share of everything and of course we say wonderful things to one another on a couples level but I'll be damned if I praise him for being the father and care taker he is suppose to be. In addition, I am not doing this praising crap in front of my sons who will learn that they are super heros if they do what is expected of them. I'm not being a good role model if I do not teach my sons that they do what is expected without being coddled and rubbed and praised. No wonder so many boy do grow up to be slackers and lazy men.

Wow. I never said I give my DH "gold stars" for doing what he is supposed to do. But, I think it is crazy not to compliment ONE ANOTHER. Yes, I am supposed to be a great mom. But, it sure is nice to hear from my DH that he thinks I am doing a great job. Similarly, I am sure he likes hearing from me that I think he is doing a great job. It may be that my DH is "supposed" to get up every day with our DD and feed her breakfast, but I don't think it hurts to tell him I appreciate it. Just like I like hearing that my DH appreciates the day-to-day tasks I do. Maybe we're saying the same thing here? I don't think anyone should be coddled, but everyone should be appreciated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Yup. Married with three kids and my DH gets up each morning at 5:30am and helps with bath/bedtime. He changes the toddlers poops, I change the babies poops. I hinestly expect him to do these things. We are both in charge of various tasks and I am not going to praise him for dealing with his kids and house and etc, etc. His mom raised him to know these are part of having a family. I guess it's great I sleep in until 7am but there are tons of things I do that are equally wonderful for him. I DO get the praise part and I DO get that it's oh so great that these men do these things but come on, IT IS THEIR JOB. It's their family. I am not raising my son to feel like they are great and mightly and OH SO HELPFUL for contributing to the household or what not. It's life. Maybe if men didn't get the praise they get for doing things women do ALL THE TIME we'd move away from the attitude many men do exhibit.

Not one of the PP, but I feel bad for you and your husband. My DH tells me regularly what a great mom he thinks I am, how much he appreciates all I do, and tells me I look beautiful. I tell him all the same things (well, I probably use the word "handsome" for him). Yeah, it's my job to be a mom, change poopy diapers, and feed my kid, but it is still nice to hear that it is appreciated. And, I am sure my DH likes to hear that as well.

Oh, gag. Really, pity her for having a marriage where her husband doesn't need to be given gold stars like a little child, just for doing what he should be doing? I didn't read anywhere in her post that she and her husband maintain a strict vow of silence re: expressing appreciation or affection for one another. She's just not busy congratulating him for not being a loser. What low standards we must have for the men in our lives if excellence is achieved merely by not being awful.

OMG, THANK YOU. THIS IS MY POINT. I love dh, he is a wonderful dad and does his share of everything and of course we say wonderful things to one another on a couples level but I'll be damned if I praise him for being the father and care taker he is suppose to be. In addition, I am not doing this praising crap in front of my sons who will learn that they are super heros if they do what is expected of them. I'm not being a good role model if I do not teach my sons that they do what is expected without being coddled and rubbed and praised. No wonder so many boy do grow up to be slackers and lazy men.

This post just breaks my heart. "I'll be damned if I praise him for being the father and care taker he is suppose to be"?? "I am not doing this praising crap in front of my sons"?? Wow. You are raising emotionally stingy children. Please know this. Praise is good. It feels good to give it and to receive it. Your children should witness that daily. I thank my husband for doing chores. He thanks me for doing chores. When I make dinner both he and my son thank me for the yummy dinner. This is a good thing. The world would be a better place if people like you weren't so angry and vicious about withholding love and praise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, if your baby daddy is so wonderful, why don't you MARRY him and make it legal? it's a smart move for the sake of your child. marriage has many advantages, which is why gay people are fighting so hard for the privilege. what are you waiting for?

Why do you think OP isn't married to her children's father?