Post College Dating for women - Is it always a nightmare?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm probably a bit older than your DD, but I met my fiancee on line. Here is some general advice I'd give a younger person:

1) Be explicit, even blunt, about what you want. There were lots of men who said on their profile that they were looking for a relationship, but then would suggest a first date "watching netflix at their apartment". I would straight up tell them "I am not looking for a hookup". Honestly, a lot would unmatch me then haha, but no hard feelings, better not to waste either of our time.

2) First dates should be drinks/coffee only - that way you have an easy out if you're not feeling the person, they're rude, etc. Definitely don't do dinner.

3) (This may be a bit unpopular) but my strategy was that I'd go on a second and even third date with someone if the conversation was good, they were friendly and polite, there were no obvious deal breakers (e.g., I want to marry someone of XYZ religion and they talked about how devoted they were to a different one), and I generally had a good time: even if I didn't immediately feel "chemistry" or a romantic connection. Attraction and romantic feelings can grow, and if you think about it, that's often what happens when you meet someone in real life.

4) Set up dates after a few days of chatting on the apps - don't let things drag on for weeks.

Wow

[Anonymous]

In my early 30s all online dates were a DISASTER. I met my DH on a yoga retreat on a Greek island. No phone coverage, no TVs. Plenty of sunsets and time to talk and get to know each other. I think this is key. You don't have to go on a yoga retreat but stepping outside the normal environment of work / party / work is probably helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm probably a bit older than your DD, but I met my fiancee on line. Here is some general advice I'd give a younger person:

1) Be explicit, even blunt, about what you want. There were lots of men who said on their profile that they were looking for a relationship, but then would suggest a first date "watching netflix at their apartment". I would straight up tell them "I am not looking for a hookup". Honestly, a lot would unmatch me then haha, but no hard feelings, better not to waste either of our time.

2) First dates should be drinks/coffee only - that way you have an easy out if you're not feeling the person, they're rude, etc. Definitely don't do dinner.

3) (This may be a bit unpopular) but my strategy was that I'd go on a second and even third date with someone if the conversation was good, they were friendly and polite, there were no obvious deal breakers (e.g., I want to marry someone of XYZ religion and they talked about how devoted they were to a different one), and I generally had a good time: even if I didn't immediately feel "chemistry" or a romantic connection. Attraction and romantic feelings can grow, and if you think about it, that's often what happens when you meet someone in real life.

4) Set up dates after a few days of chatting on the apps - don't let things drag on for weeks.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm probably a bit older than your DD, but I met my fiancee on line. Here is some general advice I'd give a younger person:

1) Be explicit, even blunt, about what you want. There were lots of men who said on their profile that they were looking for a relationship, but then would suggest a first date "watching netflix at their apartment". I would straight up tell them "I am not looking for a hookup". Honestly, a lot would unmatch me then haha, but no hard feelings, better not to waste either of our time.

2) First dates should be drinks/coffee only - that way you have an easy out if you're not feeling the person, they're rude, etc. Definitely don't do dinner.

3) (This may be a bit unpopular) but my strategy was that I'd go on a second and even third date with someone if the conversation was good, they were friendly and polite, there were no obvious deal breakers (e.g., I want to marry someone of XYZ religion and they talked about how devoted they were to a different one), and I generally had a good time: even if I didn't immediately feel "chemistry" or a romantic connection. Attraction and romantic feelings can grow, and if you think about it, that's often what happens when you meet someone in real life.

4) Set up dates after a few days of chatting on the apps - don't let things drag on for weeks.

Wow

Why is this “wow”?
I think 2-3 dates is very reasonable.
My husband and I met at work. We really really didn’t like each other for about 6 months…. And then we had to work together on a project, and, well, then we found out that we really, really liked one other.
It’s been 25 years since we changed our minds, and I think we are both pretty happy about how things turned out.
I agree that if someone doesn’t seem like a serial killer then you might as well give them more than one chance..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm probably a bit older than your DD, but I met my fiancee on line. Here is some general advice I'd give a younger person:

1) Be explicit, even blunt, about what you want. There were lots of men who said on their profile that they were looking for a relationship, but then would suggest a first date "watching netflix at their apartment". I would straight up tell them "I am not looking for a hookup". Honestly, a lot would unmatch me then haha, but no hard feelings, better not to waste either of our time.

2) First dates should be drinks/coffee only - that way you have an easy out if you're not feeling the person, they're rude, etc. Definitely don't do dinner.

3) (This may be a bit unpopular) but my strategy was that I'd go on a second and even third date with someone if the conversation was good, they were friendly and polite, there were no obvious deal breakers (e.g., I want to marry someone of XYZ religion and they talked about how devoted they were to a different one), and I generally had a good time: even if I didn't immediately feel "chemistry" or a romantic connection. Attraction and romantic feelings can grow, and if you think about it, that's often what happens when you meet someone in real life.

4) Set up dates after a few days of chatting on the apps - don't let things drag on for weeks.

+1

+2

And yes, she will likely need to go on a number of bad and so-so dates before she finds someone she really clicks with.

[Anonymous]

This is don’t get. Nearly single girl I dated wanted marry me. I got married at 36. I never did on-line dating, dated co-workers, dated people from doing activities. I went on 100s of dates. Keep is Simple Stupid how to do it. Here are tips.

Best place I find out happy hours right after work or just going out a lot.

I find if you meet in IRL hang out first the date is nearly a 100 percent success.

For example between girlfriends I heard there was a super trendy new just opened bar-restaurant not far my apartment. Thursday night happy hour was packed with singles. So I decide get dressed up hit it with right timing where filling up but still a seat at bar. Go by myself.

I see a pretty blonde enter about my age by herself. I can tell maybe meeting someone but she heads to bar and of course I just simply say hi, we chat I tell her I will buy her drink while she waits her girl friend gets here blah blah blah. We chat 15 minutes GF shows up I ended up hanging out both of them two hours. This was Thursday night.

Now strategy is ABC always be closing. After I got her approval and GF approval. I boom said I have tickets to Saturday nights St. John’s Georgetown game. Would you like to go with me. I will pick you up we can get drinks and a quick bite to eat than go to game. Heck right in front of her friend. Kissed her good night on cheek as it was I front of GF.

Saturday was an extension of Friday. Other thing I got due diligence out of way in her. She got her due diligence and friend buy in. She actually lived at home. I showed up to get her at house on a first date. Shook Dads hand.

Now I did same thing maybe several girlfriends.

If you notice on purpose went by myself out. It forces you to talk to someone as no crutch of a friend with you. I did happy hour so not creepy like going to club at 2 am by myself. I hung out long enough but left so not to become third wheel. I sometimes would do this and stay 15 minutes.

Other thing don’t force it set it up. For instance that first date there was a cute bar neighborhood type restaurant across my apt. I took her there after game. At that point she asked me where I lived and I said actually I know this place as live across street. At this point she went can I see your place.

Of course I vacuumed, changed sheets and cleaned my place that day as I visualized she would end up there.

I don’t think people are doing leg work today. I was single 22-34 and over that time period I could of got married anytime I wanted. All amazing looking college educated women. All right age, race, religion if a GF. I had six serious girlfriends. Of girls I dated on and off kinda second tier. Nice but maybe did not finish college, maybe a booty call, maybe crazy or slutty.

And random dates and hook ups even less rules.

The girl I did marry I followed same rule book met her happy hour and did ask her out that weekend. She was really nice. I basically told her dress nice, I have a fantastic restaurant you will love. Just be ready 7.

I picked her up at 7 pm in my freshly washed Mercedes in a sport coat no less. Took her to an oceanfront restaurant for dinner at sunset with best seats and view then for drinks this cool little spot on back roads scenic route. Later she told me the little details impressed her. One in particular I did not have a map, gps, or ask directions or recommendations where to eat and she lived 30 miles from me. Also car being a Mercedes and we did valet parking.

It is work dating. And when you find right one go all in early. Worse case she thought I did too much too soon.

I don’t see how anyone can say harder on a man other than expensive and work. But we control the narrative.

I think clubs, hiking activities, charity work to meet people is not efficient. First what are odds Second girl or guy there you want to date? Second you get friend zoned. Third it is A numbers game. Fourth what makes you think in a group setting you will be the one who gets girl or guy. Look at reality tv get a group together only results in drama.

Now tell you kids get out of house. Go. It may not seem it but I am picky. I go out on average 100 times a year. Only cause I was looking for good catches.

My final tip is a clipboard. My friends and I once brought a large clipboard out a few times with a pen attached with a string that was a sign up list. I laughed so hard how many girls asked what we were signing folks up for. I say hi my name is this here are my friends and name them and say it is a date sign up list, just put name address, email and phone number and name of who you want to date. We got 30 sign ups one night!!

[Anonymous]

Majority of college students try dating and finding a partner but it only works out for 23%. Not all if us are lucky. If one puts too much emphasis on finding a partner, it can effect education and pressure of failing at finding one can lead to self esteem issues and depression.

[Anonymous]

What are you worrying about OP? Seems like your daughter is doing a normal 30yo thing called "single life". She shares her dating stories with you, because you have a good relationship. If all goes well and it seems like it's going well, she will meet someone for sure. Just continue to listen and laugh at the good stories she shares with you. If it seems overwhelming for you, it does not mean it's overwhelming for her.

[Anonymous]

It will happen. Dating seems hard until you meet the right one and then things move fast because you both are so excited and it feels natural.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is don’t get. Nearly single girl I dated wanted marry me. I got married at 36. I never did on-line dating, dated co-workers, dated people from doing activities. I went on 100s of dates. Keep is Simple Stupid how to do it. Here are tips.

Best place I find out happy hours right after work or just going out a lot.

I find if you meet in IRL hang out first the date is nearly a 100 percent success.

For example between girlfriends I heard there was a super trendy new just opened bar-restaurant not far my apartment. Thursday night happy hour was packed with singles. So I decide get dressed up hit it with right timing where filling up but still a seat at bar. Go by myself.

I see a pretty blonde enter about my age by herself. I can tell maybe meeting someone but she heads to bar and of course I just simply say hi, we chat I tell her I will buy her drink while she waits her girl friend gets here blah blah blah. We chat 15 minutes GF shows up I ended up hanging out both of them two hours. This was Thursday night.

Now strategy is ABC always be closing. After I got her approval and GF approval. I boom said I have tickets to Saturday nights St. John’s Georgetown game. Would you like to go with me. I will pick you up we can get drinks and a quick bite to eat than go to game. Heck right in front of her friend. Kissed her good night on cheek as it was I front of GF.

Saturday was an extension of Friday. Other thing I got due diligence out of way in her. She got her due diligence and friend buy in. She actually lived at home. I showed up to get her at house on a first date. Shook Dads hand.

Now I did same thing maybe several girlfriends.

If you notice on purpose went by myself out. It forces you to talk to someone as no crutch of a friend with you. I did happy hour so not creepy like going to club at 2 am by myself. I hung out long enough but left so not to become third wheel. I sometimes would do this and stay 15 minutes.

Other thing don’t force it set it up. For instance that first date there was a cute bar neighborhood type restaurant across my apt. I took her there after game. At that point she asked me where I lived and I said actually I know this place as live across street. At this point she went can I see your place.

Of course I vacuumed, changed sheets and cleaned my place that day as I visualized she would end up there.

I don’t think people are doing leg work today. I was single 22-34 and over that time period I could of got married anytime I wanted. All amazing looking college educated women. All right age, race, religion if a GF. I had six serious girlfriends. Of girls I dated on and off kinda second tier. Nice but maybe did not finish college, maybe a booty call, maybe crazy or slutty.

And random dates and hook ups even less rules.

The girl I did marry I followed same rule book met her happy hour and did ask her out that weekend. She was really nice. I basically told her dress nice, I have a fantastic restaurant you will love. Just be ready 7.

I picked her up at 7 pm in my freshly washed Mercedes in a sport coat no less. Took her to an oceanfront restaurant for dinner at sunset with best seats and view then for drinks this cool little spot on back roads scenic route. Later she told me the little details impressed her. One in particular I did not have a map, gps, or ask directions or recommendations where to eat and she lived 30 miles from me. Also car being a Mercedes and we did valet parking.

It is work dating. And when you find right one go all in early. Worse case she thought I did too much too soon.

I don’t see how anyone can say harder on a man other than expensive and work. But we control the narrative.

I think clubs, hiking activities, charity work to meet people is not efficient. First what are odds Second girl or guy there you want to date? Second you get friend zoned. Third it is A numbers game. Fourth what makes you think in a group setting you will be the one who gets girl or guy. Look at reality tv get a group together only results in drama.

Now tell you kids get out of house. Go. It may not seem it but I am picky. I go out on average 100 times a year. Only cause I was looking for good catches.

My final tip is a clipboard. My friends and I once brought a large clipboard out a few times with a pen attached with a string that was a sign up list. I laughed so hard how many girls asked what we were signing folks up for. I say hi my name is this here are my friends and name them and say it is a date sign up list, just put name address, email and phone number and name of who you want to date. We got 30 sign ups one night!!

Promiscuous foreign man enters the chat. Exactly the type I'd want my daughter to date.

I agree with all the PPs who say be upfront that you want a real relationship, otherwise you'll end up in a 4-month-long bootycallship with this creep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I never did on-line dating, dated co-workers, ...

Now strategy is ABC always be closing. ... Kissed her good night on cheek .

It is work dating. And when you find right one go all in early. Worse case she thought I did too much too soon.

I think this guy was an effective dater. But a kiss on the cheek is not "closing". LOL

Many people cannot date co-workers. Active-duty military is mostly male, others have married colleagues, wrong age, etc.

You can't go all-in with online dating. It is wasteful, and women will reject you because they think you are a foolish chump. Like W.C. Fields said, "Candy is dandy, but liqor is quicker."

For the people who say you should give people a second or third chance, meh. Sexual attraction sparks early, and a second date is a waste of time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be glad you have a daughter. For boys, it's even worse

Um, no. Men do not have near the safety issues that women do. You're ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm probably a bit older than your DD, but I met my fiancee on line. Here is some general advice I'd give a younger person:

1) Be explicit, even blunt, about what you want. There were lots of men who said on their profile that they were looking for a relationship, but then would suggest a first date "watching netflix at their apartment". I would straight up tell them "I am not looking for a hookup". Honestly, a lot would unmatch me then haha, but no hard feelings, better not to waste either of our time.

2) First dates should be drinks/coffee only - that way you have an easy out if you're not feeling the person, they're rude, etc. Definitely don't do dinner.

3) (This may be a bit unpopular) but my strategy was that I'd go on a second and even third date with someone if the conversation was good, they were friendly and polite, there were no obvious deal breakers (e.g., I want to marry someone of XYZ religion and they talked about how devoted they were to a different one), and I generally had a good time: even if I didn't immediately feel "chemistry" or a romantic connection. Attraction and romantic feelings can grow, and if you think about it, that's often what happens when you meet someone in real life.

4) Set up dates after a few days of chatting on the apps - don't let things drag on for weeks.

Wow

She is very right. I read once about a very successful matchmaker who had a rule for her clients - they had to commit to two dates with each introduction. She said that in her experience, lots of mishaps on the first date could be attributed to nervousness and the pressure of knowing you only have one chance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm probably a bit older than your DD, but I met my fiancee on line. Here is some general advice I'd give a younger person:

1) Be explicit, even blunt, about what you want. There were lots of men who said on their profile that they were looking for a relationship, but then would suggest a first date "watching netflix at their apartment". I would straight up tell them "I am not looking for a hookup". Honestly, a lot would unmatch me then haha, but no hard feelings, better not to waste either of our time.

2) First dates should be drinks/coffee only - that way you have an easy out if you're not feeling the person, they're rude, etc. Definitely don't do dinner.

3) (This may be a bit unpopular) but my strategy was that I'd go on a second and even third date with someone if the conversation was good, they were friendly and polite, there were no obvious deal breakers (e.g., I want to marry someone of XYZ religion and they talked about how devoted they were to a different one), and I generally had a good time: even if I didn't immediately feel "chemistry" or a romantic connection. Attraction and romantic feelings can grow, and if you think about it, that's often what happens when you meet someone in real life.

4) Set up dates after a few days of chatting on the apps - don't let things drag on for weeks.

Wow

Don't understand the Wow comment. This is good advice. I did this as well when online dating in the 2000s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD recently moved to a big city. She's sweet, beautiful, accomplished, landed a great job, has a great group of friends, but has never had a long-term serious BF. Finally, she decided she really wants one and I'm listening to her stories about online dating and feel so old and out of it - and honestly it seems a little scary too. She's matching with quite a few, but after one short date she's like nope and moves on Is this really the only way people meet others these days? I'm doing my best to be supportive but the whole process sounds pretty brutal - how can you be so judgmental after just one date? I love my husband dearly, but when we met 30 years ago it wasn't love at first sight - it was a whole process. Don't people meet at bars and parties anymore? Is speed dating even a thing anymore? So many questions lol! This is a new adult child-area for me and she vents to me and in my mind I'm sometimes thinking WTF this seems so strange. I'm just looking for others perspectives and trying to educate myself a bit even if I just continue being a good listener.

She needs to open her mind. Dating is way easier for women than men. Women refuse to date anyone who isn’t 6”3 or a millionaire.