Post College Dating for women - Is it always a nightmare?

[Anonymous]

DD recently moved to a big city. She's sweet, beautiful, accomplished, landed a great job, has a great group of friends, but has never had a long-term serious BF. Finally, she decided she really wants one and I'm listening to her stories about online dating and feel so old and out of it - and honestly it seems a little scary too. She's matching with quite a few, but after one short date she's like nope and moves on Is this really the only way people meet others these days? I'm doing my best to be supportive but the whole process sounds pretty brutal - how can you be so judgmental after just one date? I love my husband dearly, but when we met 30 years ago it wasn't love at first sight - it was a whole process. Don't people meet at bars and parties anymore? Is speed dating even a thing anymore? So many questions lol! This is a new adult child-area for me and she vents to me and in my mind I'm sometimes thinking WTF this seems so strange. I'm just looking for others perspectives and trying to educate myself a bit even if I just continue being a good listener.

[Anonymous]

Be glad you have a daughter. For boys, it's even worse

[Anonymous]

I’m probably old-fashioned but I think it’s easier to meet people and find real connections through friends or group activities (hobbies).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be glad you have a daughter. For boys, it's even worse [/quote]

I highly doubt this!

[Anonymous]

Its equally difficult. If you are accomplished, its worse. Its hard to find compatible people and to avoid gold diggers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Be glad you have a daughter. For boys, it's even worse [/quote]

I highly doubt this!

google the 80/20 rule on tinder

[Anonymous]

Can she join her college’s alumni group in her city? Here is just an example of one -

https://engagement.virginia.edu/clubs/boston

[Anonymous]

For online dating, she needs to be crystal clear that she is looking for a relationship. That should at least help to diminish the matches who are looking for hookups.

In the social scene, she needs to know that women are now expected to make the first move. Men have been told over and over that women are not generally receptive to being approached, so the script has flipped.

[Anonymous]

Young mom here (early 30s)--it's awful until it's not. Just like regular dating at that age.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP.

I’ve only experienced the older online dating scene but I have twenty something nieces.

These are not dates. They are meetings. If you went to a party and ten guys were there, how many would you want to go on a date with? It’s good that she decides quickly she’s not into a guy. No need to waste time.

I haven’t met anyone organically in years and I think younger people are even worse at that.

Make sure she has the HPV vaccine and encourage her to use condoms. And that being choosy is a good thing. A lot of guys just sleep with women quickly and move on. It’s better to date a guy for a while to see how serious he is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m probably old-fashioned but I think it’s easier to meet people and find real connections through friends or group activities (hobbies).

How old are you and ar enough single and dating now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP.

I’ve only experienced the older online dating scene but I have twenty something nieces.

These are not dates. They are meetings. If you went to a party and ten guys were there, how many would you want to go on a date with? It’s good that she decides quickly she’s not into a guy. No need to waste time.

I haven’t met anyone organically in years and I think younger people are even worse at that.

Make sure she has the HPV vaccine and encourage her to use condoms. And that being choosy is a good thing. A lot of guys just sleep with women quickly and move on. It’s better to date a guy for a while to see how serious he is.

OP here - I think this really nails (and further explains) what she has been describing - thanks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m probably old-fashioned but I think it’s easier to meet people and find real connections through friends or group activities (hobbies).

^This. My son found his then GF, now his wife, through performance arts where he plays acoustic guitar and golf outings. My daughter found her BF, now husband, through gardening and pickleball.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD recently moved to a big city. She's sweet, beautiful, accomplished, landed a great job, has a great group of friends, but has never had a long-term serious BF. Finally, she decided she really wants one and I'm listening to her stories about online dating and feel so old and out of it - and honestly it seems a little scary too. She's matching with quite a few, but after one short date she's like nope and moves on Is this really the only way people meet others these days? I'm doing my best to be supportive but the whole process sounds pretty brutal - how can you be so judgmental after just one date? I love my husband dearly, but when we met 30 years ago it wasn't love at first sight - it was a whole process. Don't people meet at bars and parties anymore? Is speed dating even a thing anymore? So many questions lol! This is a new adult child-area for me and she vents to me and in my mind I'm sometimes thinking WTF this seems so strange. I'm just looking for others perspectives and trying to educate myself a bit even if I just continue being a good listener.

She'll have to kiss a lot of frogs before she finds a prince. However, she shouldn't lower her standard to panic and settle. Its easier to be single than in a bad relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For online dating, she needs to be crystal clear that she is looking for a relationship. That should at least help to diminish the matches who are looking for hookups.

In the social scene, she needs to know that women are now expected to make the first move. Men have been told over and over that women are not generally receptive to being approached, so the script has flipped.

+1

So now it's almost impossible for people to meet organically. So no more meeting cute at the grocery store, or at work, or whatever.

I met my DH at work. I was approached everywhere. The mall, Costco, etc. I never felt like men were demanding my time or attention. They found me attractive and wanted to date/hookup/get to know me better/whatever. I politely said no thank you, or yes, here is my number and went on my way. That has almost disappeared at this point.