I need to be more of a safety worrier

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here - some other examples that I’ve had people express horror over (to be clear this isn’t some weird “look how cool and relaxed I am” thing - I wish I did think through these things more
- letting my 2yo eat nuts and other similar snacks in the car (how would I know if he’d choked)
- letting them (4yo/2yo) run holding big sharp sticks
- letting them 3yo climb out of passenger side back of van before I was out of car. He started walking into parking lot
- letting 3yo scoot around a little park at the end of our block where I can’t see him (he loops around and comes back after a minute or 2, sometimes gets distracted by rocks or whatever, but I’d have no way of knowing if he just kept going in our very urban area)

also as another example, my now 5yo ran into one of his K classmates the second week of school at soccer. we are new to the school and i'd never met the kid or family. the kids started talking about a playdate and it didn't work out that day schedule wise but i would have 100% let him go have a drop off playdate at their house that day where i'd just met the parents and only talked to them for 5 min. My sister was absolutely horrified that i'd essentially send my 5yos to a total strangers house. and yes, now that i think through it that does seem risky...but worries like that just don't occur to me. my thought is "oh this is so great he's making a new friend at his school where my worry was he'd struggle....yay....lets get the playdate scheduled asap!!!"

OP, I’m not a big worrier, but I have a reasonable sense of the big risks (yes, family and friends, pools, etc.).

Some of what you describe is problematic, such as letting your three year old climb out of the passenger side by himself and walk into the parking lot. Less the leaving the car and more the parking lot, which is a real hazard to kids too little to be seen by many drivers. It’s also not great to drop off your kid at a home where you don’t know the parents at all; see, “family and friends.” It’s not that they’re going to snatch their kid, it’s that they may have dangerous things that he can access: medications, sharp objects, and, yes, guns.

I found Protecting the Gift by Gavin deBecker a helpful read.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m naturally not a worrier about safety related things. I don’t know why, just always been that way. I’ve realized with my kids I need to be more conscious of it, but it just doesn’t occur to me and even less so for dh. For example we took first day of school pics that were cute and our first family photos since having a new baby so I made if my fb pic. Almost 6wks later it occurred to me that pic has my kids name and school name on it and I pulled it down. Most of it isn’t social media related, I don’t post much on sm, just using that as an example of how something obviously unsafe flies right by me.

Any ideas of how to be a little bit more of a worrier about my kids safety? And before I get trashed I’m in no way a neglectful parent, I’m very involved, worry about their mental well-being, their diets, their happiness etc etc etc - this is just a weird area I don’t have the natural alarm instincts and am more like an 80s safety mindset

No one is stealing your children because you posted a pic on FB. It seems that you have no clue what the true dangers are to your children:

1. Family members and close family friends
2. Not wearing a helmet
3. Not wearing seat belt
4. Pools

+1
I don’t understand the anxiety about social media posting? At our preschool a bunch of new parents signed things that their kids aren’t allowed in any photos. So now the staff has to make sure these kids are out of all photos even on thr things that are sent on thr intenal app to parents documenting the day. What do they think someone is going to do?

It’s a few things. My reason is giving your child some semblance of privacy. Call it ten kids in a class, 40 grandparents, 80 aunts and uncles, no 120 random people who have nothing to do with my child don’t need to see him eighteen townships a week in photos. Out of 120 people there’s likely at least one person I wouldn’t want in possession of photos of my child. Photos on the internet are forever.

Other reasons I know personally:

Some people in this area are in higher profile jobs and don’t want it made public what school their children attend.

Some parents are foster parents and cannot give consent for their foster children's photos to be shared.

Other Reasons I’ve heard but haven’t seen personally:

A child who is transgender doesn’t need 10,000 people his parents haven’t spoken to since high school knowing his deadname or seeing tons of photos from his time as a girl.

Complicated custody situations/fear of parental kidnapping.

The use of deepfake technology to create exploitative or blackmail videos.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m naturally not a worrier about safety related things. I don’t know why, just always been that way. I’ve realized with my kids I need to be more conscious of it, but it just doesn’t occur to me and even less so for dh. For example we took first day of school pics that were cute and our first family photos since having a new baby so I made if my fb pic. Almost 6wks later it occurred to me that pic has my kids name and school name on it and I pulled it down. Most of it isn’t social media related, I don’t post much on sm, just using that as an example of how something obviously unsafe flies right by me.

Any ideas of how to be a little bit more of a worrier about my kids safety? And before I get trashed I’m in no way a neglectful parent, I’m very involved, worry about their mental well-being, their diets, their happiness etc etc etc - this is just a weird area I don’t have the natural alarm instincts and am more like an 80s safety mindset

No one is stealing your children because you posted a pic on FB. It seems that you have no clue what the true dangers are to your children:

1. Family members and close family friends
2. Not wearing a helmet
3. Not wearing seat belt
4. Pools

I will add
5. Pitbulls.

[Anonymous]

On Facebook, your profile picture and cover photo are always publicly accessible to anyone on the internet. I would never post a child's face to either of those. There is a way to designate close friends on both Facebook and Instagram and post only to those people. That's what I do, and I limit pictures of my children to stories that go away after 24 hrs, as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m naturally not a worrier about safety related things. I don’t know why, just always been that way. I’ve realized with my kids I need to be more conscious of it, but it just doesn’t occur to me and even less so for dh. For example we took first day of school pics that were cute and our first family photos since having a new baby so I made if my fb pic. Almost 6wks later it occurred to me that pic has my kids name and school name on it and I pulled it down. Most of it isn’t social media related, I don’t post much on sm, just using that as an example of how something obviously unsafe flies right by me.

Any ideas of how to be a little bit more of a worrier about my kids safety? And before I get trashed I’m in no way a neglectful parent, I’m very involved, worry about their mental well-being, their diets, their happiness etc etc etc - this is just a weird area I don’t have the natural alarm instincts and am more like an 80s safety mindset

No one is stealing your children because you posted a pic on FB. It seems that you have no clue what the true dangers are to your children:

1. Family members and close family friends
2. Not wearing a helmet
3. Not wearing seat belt
4. Pools

5. Trampolines (and we have had one for years. They are fine for jumping if you have sides AND don't let more than one kid jump at a time (so they don't hit heads). When they get older and are not using them for jumping, you can take down the sides and they'll sit out there in a circle with their friends, or do homework on it. Also it's the most perfect thing to lie on and look at the tree leaves and sky because your back doesn't get wet or buggy from the grass. So, go for the trampoline, with sides, and with rules. No sides, or no rules, and it might be #1 danger)

[Anonymous]

Do people really see photos of random children, locate their addresses, and then target them for kidnapping? I’m pretty sure most kidnappers just drive around looking for unattended children.

[Anonymous]

You don't want to be a worrier. Most of the parents in this area worry way too much about petty things and infantalize their children. We see adults that can't have a job, plan a vacation or launch from the nest.

Im sure you are doing a great job. Most of those worrying parents have unchecked anxiety.

Regarding social media, the assumption is you know all your friends and your accounts can only be accessed by friends. They likely already know where your kid goes to school or how old your kid is ans wouldn't do viscous things. If not, clean out your friend list.

[Anonymous]

I’m not one and I refuse to be. I have a child with special needs and I know that there but for the grace of god go so many of us and I find so much of the nonsense over small things maddening. It’s exhausting and it makes parenting exhausting. Don’t join in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do people really see photos of random children, locate their addresses, and then target them for kidnapping? I’m pretty sure most kidnappers just drive around looking for unattended children.

No people are paranoid. The only time I think it is reasonable is you have a problematic estranged relative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well today I told my kids to not dig through the food left behind by some raccoons or squirrels. Is that too anxious?

Why would your kid dig through garbage?

It was a bunch of acorns and seeds from nearby plants in a pile. Kids play with dirt and sticks and whatever while waiting around for parents at the park.

So..you think your kid of going to get rabies from touch an acorn a squirrel may have had contact with?

Op^ and this to your list of things not to worry about

Not rabies. worms or parasites

[Anonymous]

I don't think you need to "fix" this unless you are actively neglecting your kid or putting them in danger.

I am a non-worrier. I have a naturally vigilant/slightly anxious personality so I wonder why, but I think it's because I had a high-risk pregnancy and birth and spent a lot of my worrying currency already, so I just don't have it in me anymore. I also had an infant during early COVID and was super cautious until late 2020.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately, guns is actually #1.

Number 1 for what? I hope you're not saying guns are the number 1 danger to kids (especially kids living in middle class and or suburban households) because that simply isn't true, at all. I'm completely pro gun control but this is misinformation.

Firearms are the #1 cause of death in the US for ages 1-19. It's not misinformation. And children in middle class suburban households are not immune to gun violence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately, guns is actually #1.

Number 1 for what? I hope you're not saying guns are the number 1 danger to kids (especially kids living in middle class and or suburban households) because that simply isn't true, at all. I'm completely pro gun control but this is misinformation.

Firearms are the #1 cause of death in the US for ages 1-19. It's not misinformation. And children in middle class suburban households are not immune to gun violence.

Most of those are from inner city teens shooting each other.

[Anonymous]

OP the only thing that gave me pause from your list was a toddler eating nuts in the car while you're driving. A child who is choking may not make any noise. You may be in traffic or unable to pull over or respond fast enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do people really see photos of random children, locate their addresses, and then target them for kidnapping? I’m pretty sure most kidnappers just drive around looking for unattended children.

Most kidnappings are family related, typically in custody dispute situations. A kid being kidnapped at random is an incredibly rare event. And it has nothing to do whether people can see a picture of your kids online.