Caught my mom smoking in her apartment

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's an adult and she should live somewhere where she can smoke. Your idea of finding a house where she can smoke is a good one. You might also need to hire an aide to be there with her most or all of the time. When my mom was 90 and dying of cancer we had the aide, or whichever one of us who was caring for her, dole out the cigarettes and watch while she smoked them sitting on the side of her bed. There are solutions that don't involve treating her like she has no autonomy.

Your idea requires paying an adult to sit and watch her smoke.

So, while it may appeal to your heart, it is not very realistic.

Oh, his mom would never want a cigarette when that person is not on paid duty.

Talk is cheap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's an adult and she should live somewhere where she can smoke. Your idea of finding a house where she can smoke is a good one. You might also need to hire an aide to be there with her most or all of the time. When my mom was 90 and dying of cancer we had the aide, or whichever one of us who was caring for her, dole out the cigarettes and watch while she smoked them sitting on the side of her bed. There are solutions that don't involve treating her like she has no autonomy.

Your idea requires paying an adult to sit and watch her smoke.

So, while it may appeal to your heart, it is not very realistic.

Oh, his mom would never want a cigarette when that person is not on paid duty.

Talk is cheap.

Right? Literally paying someone (likely a poor, vulnerable immigrant) to be subjected to second hand smoke. That's really gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's an adult and she should live somewhere where she can smoke. Your idea of finding a house where she can smoke is a good one. You might also need to hire an aide to be there with her most or all of the time. When my mom was 90 and dying of cancer we had the aide, or whichever one of us who was caring for her, dole out the cigarettes and watch while she smoked them sitting on the side of her bed. There are solutions that don't involve treating her like she has no autonomy.

Your idea requires paying an adult to sit and watch her smoke.

So, while it may appeal to your heart, it is not very realistic.

Oh, his mom would never want a cigarette when that person is not on paid duty.

Talk is cheap.

What? This happens all the time in caregiving. Paid caregivers watch their senior clients smoke all of the time.

[Anonymous]

OP,

Drop the rope. She is going to keep smoking. Come up with a backup plan for when she is thrown out of the apartment complex.

At some point she is going to be thrown out for smoking. I would find an apartment or buy a small house where she can smoke.

I'm a landlord and currently rent to a smoker in another state.

If she is 80 and has been smoking her whole life she is not going to stop now.

[Anonymous]

If my child came to my home and told me to stop smoking, my child would be told to leave and to not come back until said child could behave properly.

[Anonymous]

My mother loved children and was a devoted grandmother. Still, I found her smoking in bed when we were visiting, despite my previous threat that we would not stay over ever again as a family if she insisted on smoking in bed.

I was very hurt and angry…but it is an addiction (she was bedridden, and it was quite a production to transport her)