DC visits on weekends from local college - concern?

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure why OP even had a kid, if she's so ready to never see hide or hair of him once he's in college.

Why don't you go ahead and take over his room, while you're at it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I'm not sure why OP even had a kid, if she's so ready to never see hide or hair of him once he's in college.

Why don't you go ahead and take over his room, while you're at it.

omg lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here - thanks for the replies. As I said, DS comes home on Sundays, usually does laundry, studies, eats and then leaves once the laundry is done. I’d say he’s here maybe 3 hours or so. He has never come home on Friday or Saturday. He has been going out on Friday nights and to the games on Saturday, which is funny to me because he has no interest in sports and wasn’t interested in that aspect of UMD culture.

I guess it does sound weird saying we sort of hope to see him less, but it’s coming from a place of wanting him to know that he is a capable and independent adult. I did casually ask him today if other kids come home on weekends and he said that there are always a few kids on his floor who head home on Sunday. So maybe we’re making it out to be a bigger deal than it is.

Communal housing, with structured class schedule, meals provided for you, and all on your parent's dime (for many) is not him being "a capable and independent adult." It's adulting with training wheels, at best. And he's still a teenager. Give him an effing break.

Yeah, I agree with this OP. Coming home and using your house like a library/restaurant/laundromat for a few hours every Sunday is not some sort of barrier to adulthood. Honestly, it sounds smart. Using communal laundry facilities can be tricky (availability, stuff getting stole, etc.) and this way he can multitask.

Please do not hint around to him that you think he shouldn't come. Just be glad to see him. Soon enough you will see him once a year, or less.

[Anonymous]

OP: Maybe you could change the locks on the house doors or do a quick relocation with no forwarding address if this behavior continues.

What went wrong ? Bad parenting ? Too kind to the kid prior to college move-in ? Or ???

[Anonymous]

It is fine because he is not staying the whole weekend.
Your son made a wise choice going local. He needs to ease into college. Great self knowledge . Let him be him.

I suspect that the time will decline as he makes more friends or gets a romantic partner. You are doing the right thing to have an open door but not encourage the visits.

👍

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here - thanks for the replies. As I said, DS comes home on Sundays, usually does laundry, studies, eats and then leaves once the laundry is done. I’d say he’s here maybe 3 hours or so. He has never come home on Friday or Saturday. He has been going out on Friday nights and to the games on Saturday, which is funny to me because he has no interest in sports and wasn’t interested in that aspect of UMD culture.

I guess it does sound weird saying we sort of hope to see him less, but it’s coming from a place of wanting him to know that he is a capable and independent adult. I did casually ask him today if other kids come home on weekends and he said that there are always a few kids on his floor who head home on Sunday. So maybe we’re making it out to be a bigger deal than it is.

Don’t compare him to others. That should not be your barometer. He sounds really well adjusted. You are looking for problems (that are not there).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here - thanks for the replies. As I said, DS comes home on Sundays, usually does laundry, studies, eats and then leaves once the laundry is done. I’d say he’s here maybe 3 hours or so. He has never come home on Friday or Saturday. He has been going out on Friday nights and to the games on Saturday, which is funny to me because he has no interest in sports and wasn’t interested in that aspect of UMD culture.

I guess it does sound weird saying we sort of hope to see him less, but it’s coming from a place of wanting him to know that he is a capable and independent adult. I did casually ask him today if other kids come home on weekends and he said that there are always a few kids on his floor who head home on Sunday. So maybe we’re making it out to be a bigger deal than it is.

Don’t compare him to others. That should not be your barometer. He sounds really well adjusted. You are looking for problems (that are not there).

+100
Sounds like a great kid.

[Anonymous]

I came home every weekend to do my laundry. I also would take a nap since the dorm can be noisy. Sometimes my mom and I would have dinner or go out to eat but it was mostly to sleep and do laundry. I still made friends at school. I'm an introvert so it was hard being around people 24/7.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here - thanks for the replies. As I said, DS comes home on Sundays, usually does laundry, studies, eats and then leaves once the laundry is done. I’d say he’s here maybe 3 hours or so. He has never come home on Friday or Saturday. He has been going out on Friday nights and to the games on Saturday, which is funny to me because he has no interest in sports and wasn’t interested in that aspect of UMD culture.

I guess it does sound weird saying we sort of hope to see him less, but it’s coming from a place of wanting him to know that he is a capable and independent adult. I did casually ask him today if other kids come home on weekends and he said that there are always a few kids on his floor who head home on Sunday. So maybe we’re making it out to be a bigger deal than it is.

Sounds like a wise decision to me. Seems like he has a much nicer laundry experience - can use a nicer machine, study in a nicer calmer environment (not running back and forth to dorm room), eat some food, see family.

[Anonymous]

Op here - thanks for the pulse check from most of you, though I could have done without the snark from the few who suggested we don’t want to see our son. I just got concerned thinking he needed to be far away at school to develop his independence. Appreciate the sanity check.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like your son is adjusting well and has built in a routine. Congrats OP and enjoy the 3 hours you get!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would hope that he would start to come less. Maybe fun activities will come up or there will just be work to do. It’s not a huge red flag but something to keep an eye on, which it seems like you are doing. I don’t think it’s typical in the US, if that’s what you’re asking. It actually happens often in Europe.

Yeah. I think your perspective is very American, and that’s not to say it is wrong or bad. If you see what folks in other countries think and do, you can find evidence that college students can visit their parents and still become independent adults. My Colombian friend had siblings living with the family into their late 20s and even early 30s and all launched just fine.

My friend’s mother said it was common for children to live with parents until marriage. That’s when I learned how our view of living with parents after high school or not was culturally oriented.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP-this is so precious, enjoy while you still have it! Three hours on the weekend are so awesome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here - thanks for the pulse check from most of you, though I could have done without the snark from the few who suggested we don’t want to see our son. I just got concerned thinking he needed to be far away at school to develop his independence. Appreciate the sanity check.

Humor, sarcasm, snark, sympathy, etc. are just different ways to communicate a message. Relax. You posted on an open forum on the internet and should have expected varied responses delivered in various tones and manners. Better to focus on the content of the message rather than on the style of delivery. And, yes, your post indicates that you did not, and do not, want to see your son every Sunday. Cloaking your desire for separation as way to accelerate a child's maturation and independence is how you chose to present your message so don't get upset when others reply accordingly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here - thanks for the pulse check from most of you, though I could have done without the snark from the few who suggested we don’t want to see our son. I just got concerned thinking he needed to be far away at school to develop his independence. Appreciate the sanity check.

One of my siblings went to graduate school in our home town and came home most weekends for a home-cooked meal, laundry machines that didn't require quarters, and cable TV (which he couldn't afford). He liked the financial and the personal aspects of it (but not enough to live at home).