DC visits on weekends from local college - concern?

[Anonymous]

OP, that’s my dream for when my kid goes to college (though
I’d never say it to them). But where does your son park? I thought freshman couldn’t park on campus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Only in this country parents hope to see their kids less! SMH

I’m American and I think OPs statement is odd.

[Anonymous]

Op here - thanks for the replies. As I said, DS comes home on Sundays, usually does laundry, studies, eats and then leaves once the laundry is done. I’d say he’s here maybe 3 hours or so. He has never come home on Friday or Saturday. He has been going out on Friday nights and to the games on Saturday, which is funny to me because he has no interest in sports and wasn’t interested in that aspect of UMD culture.

I guess it does sound weird saying we sort of hope to see him less, but it’s coming from a place of wanting him to know that he is a capable and independent adult. I did casually ask him today if other kids come home on weekends and he said that there are always a few kids on his floor who head home on Sunday. So maybe we’re making it out to be a bigger deal than it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like he is still adjusting and maybe hasn't totally found his people yet. As long as he is doing ok, I wouldn't worry.

Going home on Sundays to do laundry and visit and feel cared for and relaxed for a few hours does not mean any of the above. It sounds perfect actually. Sundays on college campuses are sort of lame/Sunday scaries anyway.

[Anonymous]

In our family we weren't allowed to come home before Thanksgiving. Allowed may be too strong a word but it was somewhat joked about and we got the message. We didnt come home before thanksgiving. We weren't local though. So, local, it should have been mentioned that they shouldn't come home before Halloween.

[Anonymous]

Doesn't sound like a problem to me. Our DD is also a UMD freshman and we have seen her multiple times for lunch, etc. Not a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Only in this country parents hope to see their kids less! SMH

tru that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our freshman DC is at UMD. He seems to be doing great and is happy. I’m a little concerned though because he drives home often on the weekend to say hello for a few hours. He NEVER sleeps over, rather it’s more so to have lunch or dinner on Sunday, maybe do some laundry, and then be heads back to his dorm (he brought his car which he owns). We love seeing him of course, but just want to make sure we aren’t serving as a crutch for him becoming independent. We were a bit concerned about this when he decided on UMD, but we supported his decision (and I’m not looking to debate the value of going out if state for school). In a way, we’re hoping he’ll start visiting less over time.

Have others had this situation with their kids and did they still become independent adults? Were any of you commuter students and did you successfully successfully leave the nest after graduation?

Is it a commuter school, OP? Are there few students that stay on campus during weekends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our freshman DC is at UMD. He seems to be doing great and is happy. I’m a little concerned though because he drives home often on the weekend to say hello for a few hours. He NEVER sleeps over, rather it’s more so to have lunch or dinner on Sunday, maybe do some laundry, and then be heads back to his dorm (he brought his car which he owns). We love seeing him of course, but just want to make sure we aren’t serving as a crutch for him becoming independent. We were a bit concerned about this when he decided on UMD, but we supported his decision (and I’m not looking to debate the value of going out if state for school). In a way, we’re hoping he’ll start visiting less over time.

Have others had this situation with their kids and did they still become independent adults? Were any of you commuter students and did you successfully successfully leave the nest after graduation?

Is it a commuter school, OP? Are there few students that stay on campus during weekends?

This is OP - it's Univ of Maryland, College Park. I don't think of it as a commuter school, but there are tons of local kids who attend there (which would be the same for almost any in-state public). All I know is that my DC says that there are always a few kids on his floor who disappear to visit family for a bit on weekends. Again, my DC hasn't slept at home since he left for college - he is just visiting us (and we do love his visits, so we're not trying to push him away at all). I just know that his experience is naturally going to be different than if he was at a school 10 hours away b/c he obviously couldn't see us as much. I suppose if we were in that situation, I would probably feel the exact opposite as I do now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Only in this country parents hope to see their kids less! SMH

Seriously, this.

It's on a Sunday to get a break, do laundry, eat a good meal, and escape the dorms. NBD. I'd love it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Part of learning to be an adult is nurturing your relationships with your parents and siblings when you no longer live in the same house and can take it for granted.
He sounds like he is doing fine! A few hours on Sunday away from college may help keep him grounded.

Agree. A few hours to easily keep contact and socialize over a meal is nothing to worry.

Now our child's roommate planned the courses so they would be off on Friday and his parents come every Thursday night to get the roommate and return on Sunday night. Every weekend. Needless to say, the roommate is struggling to connect with other students which additionally feeds the teary crying calls home. Personally, I suspect some serious anxiety here that might require counseling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here - thanks for the replies. As I said, DS comes home on Sundays, usually does laundry, studies, eats and then leaves once the laundry is done. I’d say he’s here maybe 3 hours or so. He has never come home on Friday or Saturday. He has been going out on Friday nights and to the games on Saturday, which is funny to me because he has no interest in sports and wasn’t interested in that aspect of UMD culture.

I guess it does sound weird saying we sort of hope to see him less, but it’s coming from a place of wanting him to know that he is a capable and independent adult. I did casually ask him today if other kids come home on weekends and he said that there are always a few kids on his floor who head home on Sunday. So maybe we’re making it out to be a bigger deal than it is.

Communal housing, with structured class schedule, meals provided for you, and all on your parent's dime (for many) is not him being "a capable and independent adult." It's adulting with training wheels, at best. And he's still a teenager. Give him an effing break.

[Anonymous]

He's just a Freshman. Let him adjust to living alone. Yeez!

Pretty normal when home is kind around the corner...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here - thanks for the replies. As I said, DS comes home on Sundays, usually does laundry, studies, eats and then leaves once the laundry is done. I’d say he’s here maybe 3 hours or so. He has never come home on Friday or Saturday. He has been going out on Friday nights and to the games on Saturday, which is funny to me because he has no interest in sports and wasn’t interested in that aspect of UMD culture.

I guess it does sound weird saying we sort of hope to see him less, but it’s coming from a place of wanting him to know that he is a capable and independent adult. I did casually ask him today if other kids come home on weekends and he said that there are always a few kids on his floor who head home on Sunday. So maybe we’re making it out to be a bigger deal than it is.

I had a roommate in college who did exactly what you described (his father was a professor) and he had no problems with becoming an independent adult. He liked the free washer and dryer and a nice home cooked meal. I always envied his situation.

[Anonymous]

I think this is wonderful, OP. Your kids is adjusting to college and transitioning to adulthood wonderfully. Congratulations.