DC visits on weekends from local college - concern?

[Anonymous]

Our freshman DC is at UMD. He seems to be doing great and is happy. I’m a little concerned though because he drives home often on the weekend to say hello for a few hours. He NEVER sleeps over, rather it’s more so to have lunch or dinner on Sunday, maybe do some laundry, and then be heads back to his dorm (he brought his car which he owns). We love seeing him of course, but just want to make sure we aren’t serving as a crutch for him becoming independent. We were a bit concerned about this when he decided on UMD, but we supported his decision (and I’m not looking to debate the value of going out if state for school). In a way, we’re hoping he’ll start visiting less over time.

Have others had this situation with their kids and did they still become independent adults? Were any of you commuter students and did you successfully successfully leave the nest after graduation?

[Anonymous]

I think it's fine. It's nice, even. I would have liked to have an escape from college for a few hours on the weekends. The weekends could be pretty quiet, even boring during the day. Long stretches in the library, many students asleep till afternoon.

It's hard to see how coming to see you would make him less of an "independent adult."

[Anonymous]

I would hope that he would start to come less. Maybe fun activities will come up or there will just be work to do. It’s not a huge red flag but something to keep an eye on, which it seems like you are doing. I don’t think it’s typical in the US, if that’s what you’re asking. It actually happens often in Europe.

[Anonymous]

It's fine!

[Anonymous]

I don’t think it’s a big deal if he only stays for a few hours to do laundry and get a nice meal. I wish my kids would! It will slow down it bet but it does not concern me.

[Anonymous]

A few hours is fine. As long as you aren’t doing the laundry for him!

Coming home to spend the night every weekend or even every other weekend would be concerning. He needs to be focusing on making friends and building a community at college.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s sweet 😊

[Anonymous]

Only in this country parents hope to see their kids less! SMH

[Anonymous]

My kid is 12 hours away. I miss her more than I could have imagined. I would love to see her walk through the door for a couple of hours every weekend. Lucky you and lucky kid to have this. Savor it!

[Anonymous]

Part of learning to be an adult is nurturing your relationships with your parents and siblings when you no longer live in the same house and can take it for granted.
He sounds like he is doing fine! A few hours on Sunday away from college may help keep him grounded.

[Anonymous]

That really sounds lovely and perfect. Home is still home. It sounds like he values his family and likes a little taste of home (including literally with a home cooked meal).

[Anonymous]

It sounds like he is still adjusting and maybe hasn't totally found his people yet. As long as he is doing ok, I wouldn't worry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Only in this country parents hope to see their kids less! SMH

Seriously. OP, you are very fortunate that 1. Your son is close enough to pop by on the weekends and 2. Your son WANTS to visit with his parents. Consider that a success.

[Anonymous]

That's... normal.

My husband returned home every weekend to be with his parents and brothers, eat home-cooked meals and do his laundry. My cousin attended UMD and returned home every weekend to Bethesda. My friends and I lived in another country, where we attended university in our capital city, and we all lived at home during undergrad (it's very common to do that in our country).

It's so shocking to me that here parents seem to want to push their kids out. So unfeeling and cold.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Part of learning to be an adult is nurturing your relationships with your parents and siblings when you no longer live in the same house and can take it for granted.
He sounds like he is doing fine! A few hours on Sunday away from college may help keep him grounded.

NP. The bold is an extremely wise statement.

OP, he's fine. Great, in fact. It would be a problem, to me, if he never came home at all from a school that close. Instead, he's coming home long enough to see how you are doing, share with you how he's doing (I hope!) and be an adult within the family, taking his leave in time to go back and spend the rest of his weekend doing whatever he should be doing at school. If he were spending the whole weekend at home, that would be a concern. But he's not. Like PP says -- sounds as if this keeps him grounded, yet doesn't tie him down. It's good.