S/O Do you think it is impolite to talk about "rich person problems" around people who are not rich?

[Anonymous]

It's funny you bring this up. I was just lamenting with a group of friends that my recent quote to replace all the teak on my yacht to ipe was going to run almost 300k. I thought I'd get some sympathy but I got the side eye instead. So weird, right?

[Anonymous]

If you have to constantly censor yourself, what's the point? Find friends similar to you so you can talk about whatever you want. This is what most people do anyway, it's odd to have a friend group of people from wildly different walks of life. Like sticks with like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Inspired by the thread about being wealthier than your friends.

Do you think it is rude to talk about problems that are the result of wealth and privilege in front of people who lack the wealth/privilege to have those problems? For instance is it rude to complain about upkeep on a very large home with someone who lives in a small one? Is it rude to complain about your nanny to someone who can only afford daycare? Is it rude to complain about service at a high end restaurant or resort to someone who only budget travels? And so on.

And if your response is that it's not rude if it's a close enough friend, who does "close enough" mean and how do you decide? Like how do you know your friend isn't internally rolling their eyes and then complaining to their spouse later about what an a$$ you sounded like whining about your rich person problems?

Only afford daycare? It's $25k per year per kid. Not exactly for the poors. You strike me as an ass regardless of wealth.

My daycare for two kids was more expensive than what people around me paid for their nanny’s, who were kind and loving from what I could see but I didn’t think of the families or the kids as being more privileged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you have to constantly censor yourself, what's the point? Find friends similar to you so you can talk about whatever you want. This is what most people do anyway, it's odd to have a friend group of people from wildly different walks of life. Like sticks with like.

What a narrow world view you have. I like having friends with different backgrounds, makes life way more interesting.

[Anonymous]

OP, what you are complaining are money problems, which certainly aren't "rich" people problems. Rich people who can afford upkeep and childcare effortlessly don't tend to complain about this. So, honestly, you would relate more with people on the lower rung of socio-economic ladder vs. those above (who would not be able to relate to the problems solved with money which they have plenty of). The problems of rich people are those NOT solved with money, these usually pertain to human relationships (family, significant other problems, etc), health and mental illness and addictions (Not always solvable with money). They will have different money headaches than "affording" things, it would be more about investments, money management, trust issues, inheritance issues, tax issues, etc. If you are rich and want to talk about human relationships and wellness problems you should be able to relate to anyone, as these are universal problems for every socio-economic class. Yeah, it wouldn't be cool if you complain about your financial advisor stealing 3 mil from under your nose and you noticing it years later.. maybe.. especially if the person you are talking to is trying to figure out how to afford their monthly mortgage payment or just got laid off and cannot afford health insurance.

[Anonymous]

In this thread, OP learns she isn't rich. I hope she can find some friends with whom to commiserate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know if it's "rude," except to the extent that making a conversation about a topic that the other person can't contribute to is rude, but it's clueless, tone-deaf, and makes you look like a jerk.

+1. Agree with this. I think if you had to do this the way to do it would be, for example with the upkeep, mention something like you hate doing yardwork because that's something most people can't relate to. Don't talk about how 20 acres is a lot of lawn to mow but just say that you dislike yardwork or you're not looking forward to blowing leaves in the fall. On the restaurant, don't name drop some expensive place but you can generally say that you went out to eat and it was disappointing that they didn't refill your drink the entire meal. Do not talk about how difficult it is to manage your $20 million investment portfolio.

Agree with some of the other responses that you should minimize the amount you complain, people generally don't want to hear it.

This. I have a friend whose lifestyle is very different from mine, but I always enjoy talking to her because she frames the conversation in terms of things that are common. For example, she'll tell me about an argument she had with her husband and say that it's not really about X, it's about control. I can't relate to X at all, but as a married woman I do know about control struggles. Her marriage was arranged, and her kids will likely have arranged marriages too - I can't opine on that, but we do talk about what kind of people we'd like our kids to marry.

Yeah, these are human relationships issues that persist in every socio-economic layer. Anyone can relate to family issues, relationship issues, psychological issues, etc. It's the glue that binds us together.

[Anonymous]

I think as long as you are also asking your friend how they're doing and actually LISTEN to them instead of constantly interrupting and going on about yourself then it's ok. But also know your audience!

[Anonymous]

Not exactly the same, but I had a child with major medical issues.

I feel like the vast majority of people did one of three things:

1) Stopped talking to me about anything that was happening in their lives, since they considered their problems to be mild compared to mine. Which meant, that we basically didn't talk about anything at all, and the interactions felt really strained.

2) Stopped interacting with me at all, and moved on to friends who they thought shared their experiences.

3) Continued to talk to me, and sometimes whined about problems I would love to have (e.g. "He gets his clothes so muddy playing outside, I'm constantly doing laundry!" when my kid couldn't get out of bed or "I can't food in the house! He eats it all!" When I was agonizing over whether each millimeter of formula I put into his feeding tube would stay down or get thrown up.")

The third was definitely the best response. Were their moments when it was annoying, or I'd be jealous? Yeah, but it was still so much better than 1 and 2. I'd think "Thank God for my wonderful clueless friends!"

So, yeah, feel free to treat me like a friend, which means sharing your problems and listening to mine, even if they aren't the same or even the same level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not exactly the same, but I had a child with major medical issues.

I feel like the vast majority of people did one of three things:

1) Stopped talking to me about anything that was happening in their lives, since they considered their problems to be mild compared to mine. Which meant, that we basically didn't talk about anything at all, and the interactions felt really strained.

2) Stopped interacting with me at all, and moved on to friends who they thought shared their experiences.

3) Continued to talk to me, and sometimes whined about problems I would love to have (e.g. "He gets his clothes so muddy playing outside, I'm constantly doing laundry!" when my kid couldn't get out of bed or "I can't food in the house! He eats it all!" When I was agonizing over whether each millimeter of formula I put into his feeding tube would stay down or get thrown up.")

The third was definitely the best response. Were their moments when it was annoying, or I'd be jealous? Yeah, but it was still so much better than 1 and 2. I'd think "Thank God for my wonderful clueless friends!"

So, yeah, feel free to treat me like a friend, which means sharing your problems and listening to mine, even if they aren't the same or even the same level.

You sound like a nice person, and thank you for this perspective. I did have unpleasant experience with one of the friends who fell onto hard times (some of which were her choices and decisions) and then gradually became bitter to the point where anything I would mention about any issue (including health issues) would send her into a rage chastising me how my issues pale in comparison with hers and others she knows with "real" issues. It came to the point where I was dreading inviting her over or being in places with unlimited alcohol. When alcohol wasn't involved or was moderated conversations were much more pleasant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you have to constantly censor yourself, what's the point? Find friends similar to you so you can talk about whatever you want. This is what most people do anyway, it's odd to have a friend group of people from wildly different walks of life. Like sticks with like.

You sound like someone most would avoid. Sad mindset. I’m fairly wealthy but enjoy friends from all walks. You can learn much
and become an even wealthier (spiritually speaking) with a welcoming mindset. Poor people and not going to steal your $$ or transmit a
disease to you.