S/O Do you think it is impolite to talk about "rich person problems" around people who are not rich?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know if it's "rude," except to the extent that making a conversation about a topic that the other person can't contribute to is rude, but it's clueless, tone-deaf, and makes you look like a jerk.

+1. Agree with this. I think if you had to do this the way to do it would be, for example with the upkeep, mention something like you hate doing yardwork because that's something most people can't relate to. Don't talk about how 20 acres is a lot of lawn to mow but just say that you dislike yardwork or you're not looking forward to blowing leaves in the fall. On the restaurant, don't name drop some expensive place but you can generally say that you went out to eat and it was disappointing that they didn't refill your drink the entire meal. Do not talk about how difficult it is to manage your $20 million investment portfolio.

Agree with some of the other responses that you should minimize the amount you complain, people generally don't want to hear it.

This. I have a friend whose lifestyle is very different from mine, but I always enjoy talking to her because she frames the conversation in terms of things that are common. For example, she'll tell me about an argument she had with her husband and say that it's not really about X, it's about control. I can't relate to X at all, but as a married woman I do know about control struggles. Her marriage was arranged, and her kids will likely have arranged marriages too - I can't opine on that, but we do talk about what kind of people we'd like our kids to marry.

[Anonymous]

The devil’s in the details.

“Oh, living in a large house is just so stressful! There’s so much upkeep and I only liked the hardwood that was $15 a square foot. Our place is 5000 square feet so it’s going to cost a fortune! You’re soooo lucky you live in such a small house!”

Tacky, tone deaf, everyone hates you. But:

“Sometime homeownership can be rough. I mean, I love my house, and I’m grateful to have it, but it seems like all I do is house projects. You ever feel that way?”

Social, pleasant, focuses on commonalities.

Also - the commonality thing matters, though mostly at the extremes. I wouldn’t have this conversation with someone who was homeless. And I’d resent this conversation from Jeff Bezos.

[Anonymous]

Complaining is sort of regarded as universally boring unless you do it in a witty, novel way AND it's tone deaf to talk about things that the other person can't comment on.

The absolute worst however is when the complaint is a lightly veiled tool to brag. When the person clearly wants to highlight their privilege but knows it's not really socially acceptable to do it so uses the complaint format in what they think is more marginally acceptable.

[Anonymous]

yes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Inspired by the thread about being wealthier than your friends.

Do you think it is rude to talk about problems that are the result of wealth and privilege in front of people who lack the wealth/privilege to have those problems? For instance is it rude to complain about upkeep on a very large home with someone who lives in a small one? Is it rude to complain about your nanny to someone who can only afford daycare? Is it rude to complain about service at a high end restaurant or resort to someone who only budget travels? And so on.

And if your response is that it's not rude if it's a close enough friend, who does "close enough" mean and how do you decide? Like how do you know your friend isn't internally rolling their eyes and then complaining to their spouse later about what an a$$ you sounded like whining about your rich person problems?

Only afford daycare? It's $25k per year per kid. Not exactly for the poors. You strike me as an ass regardless of wealth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know if it's "rude," except to the extent that making a conversation about a topic that the other person can't contribute to is rude, but it's clueless, tone-deaf, and makes you look like a jerk.

I think it is rude. If what a wealthy person says to a not-wealthy person is something that the non-wealthy person could rightly answer " wow, I only wish I were so fortunate to have that "problem"', then it is rude.

Like when a senior employee lamented that catching a commercial flight up to Martha's Vineyard (to her house) is a pain, and its so much better when she can take a chartered flight. Her family probably earns 5X what my family earns.

[Anonymous]

High end resort and restaurant complaining yes. Rest, no. Who doesn't complain about childcare and cleaning once in a while? We all struggle with it to a degree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Inspired by the thread about being wealthier than your friends.

Do you think it is rude to talk about problems that are the result of wealth and privilege in front of people who lack the wealth/privilege to have those problems? For instance is it rude to complain about upkeep on a very large home with someone who lives in a small one? Is it rude to complain about your nanny to someone who can only afford daycare? Is it rude to complain about service at a high end restaurant or resort to someone who only budget travels? And so on.

And if your response is that it's not rude if it's a close enough friend, who does "close enough" mean and how do you decide? Like how do you know your friend isn't internally rolling their eyes and then complaining to their spouse later about what an a$$ you sounded like whining about your rich person problems?

Only afford daycare? It's $25k per year per kid. Not exactly for the poors. You strike me as an ass regardless of wealth.

Yeah that stuck out to me too. We could afford a nanny but prefer it for our own reasons.

All of these just sound like very boring conversations honestly.

[Anonymous]

Are these people family? Yes it would be boorish. If not family, then why are they even hanging out.

[Anonymous]

I am a not rich person who has had rich friends, and none of them ever did this. Therefore we were friends.

It's tacky and boring, as someone else said.

[Anonymous]

I find this so interesting. I posted a while back that I thought it was in poor taste for one friend to complain to me about her bathroom reno in her house, and another friend to complain about not having enough space in her 3 bedroom house when both friends knew I had 3 kids in a 2 bedroom apartment. I was lambasted for not being a good friend and understanding that my friends' problems were still problems for them even if they were the result of having more than I had. Gotta love DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Yes.

“I can’t believe my landscaper cancelled AGAIN”.

Uhhhh sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it’s rude. I keep my mouth shut. Even with my close friends.

I did not grow up wealthy. I know how privileged we are.

There is plenty to talk about that is universal- family, kids, traffic, etc.

Agree completely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are these people family? Yes it would be boorish. If not family, then why are they even hanging out.

They are hanging out because they have interests and values in common, which is why anyone hangs out with anyone else, in my world.

Why do you hang out with people?

[Anonymous]

I am poor. If you talk about it when I am around, it’s totally fine by me. If you talk about it to me,then it’s annoying because I have to fake commiseration.