Anyone else know their DC's school is great for them, but STILL feel apathetic?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't be surprised if you see a similar sense of entitlement in affluent neighborhood public schools. It's more of a class thing than a private school thing, IMHO.

In fact, the parents from my local public seem even more entitled than the parents at our private. Why? Because the parents at the public school think that their kids should have everything that any local private school has
-- and for free.

Meanwhile the parents at private, who know they'll be footing the bill, tend to be more budget-conscious (is it worth it? could the money be better spent? will it benefit everyone at the school? if so, how/can we make sure it's accessible to all? if not, should this be on our collective dime or is it something families should pay for themselves?)

Collective and direct financial responsibility imposes a certain kind of discipline in this context.

Obviously, it's a different and arguably less strict discipline than scarcity imposes on some public system -- but in publics, that discipline is imposed on administrators rather than parents themselves. The end result may be a perennially aggrieved sense of entitlement, but it sure sounds like entitlement nonetheless. And it's particularly hard to watch in a context like DCPS where what one already well-off school gets comes at the direct expense of school that are in really bad shape.

At least that's what I've seen -- and a friend at a very different private (whose DCs both went to our local
public ES) has made the similar comparisons re the cultures of the two. She was in a leadership position at the public school and said you could never get parents to agree that anything should be cut when hard choices had to be made. They still wanted EVERYTHING and refused t prioritize/triage when everything wasn't possible.

This is so well said and so well written. I feel like you really hit the nail on the head. Bravo!

[Anonymous]

My kid started private school in middle school. We have nothing in common with most of the parents. Mostly ambitious housewives and wealthy conservative types. But, my kid is doing great. He has terrific teachers, and has made several nice friends (whose families share our outlook, as it happens), and it's a good fit for him. Fortunately, we have an active social life and lots of friends and family nearby, so we don't need to make friends from the school community, but I really have to force myself not to constantly roll my eyes when I attend some school events.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't be surprised if you see a similar sense of entitlement in affluent neighborhood public schools. It's more of a class thing than a private school thing, IMHO.

In fact, the parents from my local public seem even more entitled than the parents at our private. Why? Because the parents at the public school think that their kids should have everything that any local private school has
-- and for free...

...you could never get parents to agree that anything should be cut when hard choices had to be made. They still wanted EVERYTHING and refused to prioritize/triage when everything wasn't possible.

NP here. This is so similar to my experience. My children attend MCPS. This year I was on our school PTA. We spent so many meetings hand wringing over what might be cut from the county budget that it started to feel like we'd never get around to accomplishing anything. I felt like if we put half the effort into making up for lost resources that we put into lobbying to have them restored, we'd be in much better shape.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a really interesting thread to read. We are about to make the leap into private school for our PreK child and our greatest hesitation is exactly what the PPs are all describing to a tee. I keep telling myself that if, after a year, our fears about a culture of entitlement / self-love / exclusivity are all founded, we will make the switch to public in a heart beat. What I am sensing in some of these threads eerily confirms what we already suspect.

I think you are wise to be on guard about this. We had the same concerns you did prior to starting kindergarten. It began to be noticeable in second grade and started to be a significant issue to us in 3rd-4th. In the meantime, the individual attention, art and music, grouping, foreign language, "customer service," etc. does make for a very rich academic experience.

[Anonymous]

We have some good friends from school but nobody I plan to be friends with the rest of my life. The sad thing is how fragile these relationships really are. Just weight til the first time the kids get in trouble and watch the finger pointing begin.

[Anonymous]

so true PP also if your kid makes a team or gets an award the other expected watch out!!

[Anonymous]

This is a great discussion. Many posters have had their children in public for elementary then switched to private for middle or high school. Has anyone done the opposite - elementary/middle private then public for high school?

This is what we're thinking about and I would love to hear experiences of families who have done the same. DC would go to Whitman and I worry about major shock/adjustment problems after being in small environment all those years.

Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a really interesting thread to read. We are about to make the leap into private school for our PreK child and our greatest hesitation is exactly what the PPs are all describing to a tee. I keep telling myself that if, after a year, our fears about a culture of entitlement / self-love / exclusivity are all founded, we will make the switch to public in a heart beat. What I am sensing in some of these threads eerily confirms what we already suspect.

I think you are wise to be on guard about this. We had the same concerns you did prior to starting kindergarten. It began to be noticeable in second grade and started to be a significant issue to us in 3rd-4th. In the meantime, the individual attention, art and music, grouping, foreign language, "customer service," etc. does make for a very rich academic experience.

I am the poster with a child about to enter a private PreK and I'm having serious second thoughts about our Fall enrollment for these very reasons. Is there any reason to think that the "rich academic experience" (art, music, language, diversity) outweigh the cultural/social pitfalls mentioned throughout this thread? especially for such young children? I have every reason to think that the bells & whistles of private education really make more sense for M/S and H/S aged kids...but for 3 and 4 year olds?

And to the PP, how do you remain "on guard" about this? What do you do to keep your child grounded and grateful? Would love some tips.

[Anonymous]

PreK-1 at GDS gave my DC a really great foundation for (and appreciation of/lasting interest in) writing and science. These are meat & potatoes (not bells & whistles) IMHO -- but not areas where most local publics focus at that age.

Arguably, if you want a mix of public and private, there's a good case to be made for waiting until HS for public. Cohort is a bigger issue then, so if you're concerned about privilege and want economic diversity, that's the time (unless your public HS is exclusively upper middle class). Plus some publics, by virtue of size, can offer a range of courses that many privates can't match. And from a college admissions standpoint, if your DC is likely to end up ranked higher in public than private and/or if public will have fewer legacy candidates for schools your DC is interested in, then public might be a better bet.

In short, there's no one right answer here. A lot depends on the kid and the particular options available to your DC at each level. But there's some truth to the saying that "well begun is half done" -- and bad starts can be difficult to overcome.