Would you consent to your partner taking a lover?

[Anonymous]

Interesting post. I actually have a friend whose wife has her husband bring home lovers for her on occasion. I do not know the details, but i have talked to them both about it and she claims to enjoy the variety and "newness" of different lovers. She also stated that she particularly seeks lovers of different ethnic backgrounds (she is caucasian). Not my thing, seems warped...but they seem to feel connected as a couple...somehow.

[Anonymous]

i am kindof confused. her husband brings home other men...or women? t still feel like that is an awkward conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting post. I actually have a friend whose wife has her husband bring home lovers for her on occasion. I do not know the details, but i have talked to them both about it and she claims to enjoy the variety and "newness" of different lovers. She also stated that she particularly seeks lovers of different ethnic backgrounds (she is caucasian). Not my thing, seems warped...but they seem to feel connected as a couple...somehow.

This sounds crazy to me! Like some kind of movie! Please tell me you're kidding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting post. I actually have a friend whose wife has her husband bring home lovers for her on occasion. I do not know the details, but i have talked to them both about it and she claims to enjoy the variety and "newness" of different lovers. She also stated that she particularly seeks lovers of different ethnic backgrounds (she is caucasian). Not my thing, seems warped...but they seem to feel connected as a couple...somehow.

This sounds crazy to me! Like some kind of movie! Please tell me you're kidding.

My goodness, you are seriously sheltered. There are very large "swingers" networks out there just to address this sort of situation. It is a lot more common than you think.

[Anonymous]

How does that work?

[Anonymous]

Hell no. Period. I agree that it's indicative that there is a problem in the marriage. If either of you want to bring someone else into the marriage (b/c that's effectively what taking a lover will do), then it's time to talk divorce so that you're both free to move on and find a more satisfying relationship. Divorce doesn't have to happen only among people who dislike each other - it can be mutual and amicable!

[Anonymous]

I wish my husband would take a lover. He gets on my nerves and is a crappy husband. At least he wouldn't ask me for sex anymore. If he has a lover, do I get one too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hell no. Period. I agree that it's indicative that there is a problem in the marriage. If either of you want to bring someone else into the marriage (b/c that's effectively what taking a lover will do), then it's time to talk divorce so that you're both free to move on and find a more satisfying relationship. Divorce doesn't have to happen only among people who dislike each other - it can be mutual and amicable!

I think a lot of these no responses are tinge with wishful thinking and delusion about some marriage "ideal". Yes, in the ideal world, the husband and wife would be best of friend, partner, co-parents and finally lovers. I think that it is possible to have a marriage where everything is present except sex. I do not think that a marriage has to end, just because one person does not want to have sex or is wiling to provide an alternative to the other person. Yes, the decision to provide an alternative MAY very well raise other issues later on, but that does not mean it is wrong.

Also, lets not pretend that this does not happen a lot. While a lot of wives/husbands to not expressly say "please take a lover", they certainly look the other way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think a lot of these no responses are tinge with wishful thinking and delusion about some marriage "ideal". Yes, in the ideal world, the husband and wife would be best of friend, partner, co-parents and finally lovers. I think that it is possible to have a marriage where everything is present except sex. I do not think that a marriage has to end, just because one person does not want to have sex or is wiling to provide an alternative to the other person. Yes, the decision to provide an alternative MAY very well raise other issues later on, but that does not mean it is wrong.

Also, lets not pretend that this does not happen a lot. While a lot of wives/husbands to not expressly say "please take a lover", they certainly look the other way.

Alternatively, the "no" responses are coming from people in strong relationships who can't fathom the need to make these kinds of arrangements. Many of these posters (including myself somewhere on one of the first couple pages) aren't making moral judgments or saying it's "wrong" -- just saying for us it would be very damaging to the marriage.