How to manage a compulsive talker? Mental illness suspected, close relative

[Anonymous]

You can interrupt and ask questions. Ask a few. It annoys them sometimes but it also interrupts their stream of talk and makes them think. Instead of saying uh uh just ask a random question about the story just in start asking a question. One time I did this and then just kept talking myself. The other person actually lost interest in me after that. It’s also ok to simply say oh my gosh I have to go do x and then move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone ever successfully approached a dear relative (or friend) with an intervention or a conversation that led to the relative scaling back their nonstop talking? The usual methods have all been attempted and failed, repeatedly. I think this is a clinical problem that calls for a professional. I have been blunt, brutally honest about how awful it is to be trapped and unable to get away from their non-stop blathering. I've walked out when possible. I've been kind, I've been nasty. I am convinced that I, as a non-medical professional, am powerless to help them change their behavior.

This is a close relative, and I love her. Several other people in the family have pointed out to her that she never. stops. talking but she doesn't change. I think she has some type of anxiety and/or compulsive disorder and/or ADHD but encouraging her to 'get help' goes nowhere.

My recourse is to limit the time I spend with her to preserve my sanity, but that does make me sad. We used to be much closer and she was more enjoyable company.

Look, drama queen, forget about your sadness and leave. I doubt you’d be missed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone ever successfully approached a dear relative (or friend) with an intervention or a conversation that led to the relative scaling back their nonstop talking? The usual methods have all been attempted and failed, repeatedly. I think this is a clinical problem that calls for a professional. I have been blunt, brutally honest about how awful it is to be trapped and unable to get away from their non-stop blathering. I've walked out when possible. I've been kind, I've been nasty. I am convinced that I, as a non-medical professional, am powerless to help them change their behavior.

This is a close relative, and I love her. Several other people in the family have pointed out to her that she never. stops. talking but she doesn't change. I think she has some type of anxiety and/or compulsive disorder and/or ADHD but encouraging her to 'get help' goes nowhere.

My recourse is to limit the time I spend with her to preserve my sanity, but that does make me sad. We used to be much closer and she was more enjoyable company.

Look, drama queen, forget about your sadness and leave. I doubt you’d be missed.

Found the disordered overtalker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is she?

Late 40s. The situation has grown unbearable in the last 3-4 years after previously being merely outgoing and highly engaging.

A change like this (going from outgoing/fun to nonsensical blathering and anxiety) probably means something else is going on.

+1 My friend was like this. Chatty and outgoing, loved to talk, a bit annoying to some people. But then there was a period of about a year when it was unbearable. It turns out she was taking some type of stimulant for a health problem (her explanation was sketchy), plus abusing a bunch of other prescription drugs, and drinking heavily. It spiraled downward from there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is she?

Late 40s. The situation has grown unbearable in the last 3-4 years after previously being merely outgoing and highly engaging.

Who does she live with? And how do they cope?

Does she have anyone to talk with?

My friend works in a small group but has an extremely introverted husband who is increasingly screened for dementia. So she talks and chats more at work, but realized it’s because she doesn’t talk much with any adult at home unless she makes plans to be out. Or on the phone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone ever successfully approached a dear relative (or friend) with an intervention or a conversation that led to the relative scaling back their nonstop talking? The usual methods have all been attempted and failed, repeatedly. I think this is a clinical problem that calls for a professional. I have been blunt, brutally honest about how awful it is to be trapped and unable to get away from their non-stop blathering. I've walked out when possible. I've been kind, I've been nasty. I am convinced that I, as a non-medical professional, am powerless to help them change their behavior.

This is a close relative, and I love her. Several other people in the family have pointed out to her that she never. stops. talking but she doesn't change. I think she has some type of anxiety and/or compulsive disorder and/or ADHD but encouraging her to 'get help' goes nowhere.

My recourse is to limit the time I spend with her to preserve my sanity, but that does make me sad. We used to be much closer and she was more enjoyable company.

Look, drama queen, forget about your sadness and leave. I doubt you’d be missed.

Why are you so miserable? OP is worried about her relative and wants to maintain a relationship with her, while preserving her own sanity. Frankly from your response, I doubt anyone cares so deeply about you.

[Anonymous]

I have a good friend who has ADHD, and talks non-stop whether you are listening or not. I've actually carried on a whole conversation and walked away with someone else, only to come back to him and he's still going on about the same thing. I've learned over the years to tune him out when I need to get things done. We've been friends since I was 15, I've never thought about having some kind of intervention to stop him from being the way he is and it never bothered me to that point. I strongly urge you to stop being mean to your relative.

[Anonymous]

Do not agree that aging will take care of the problem eventually. My mom would always talk nonstop too about irrelevant topics, stories from the 80s, etc too and this somehow worsened with age. It seemed like she wouldn't even wait for others to stop talking and she'd interrupt with a tangential or unrelated story. It was like she was just waiting to talk, never listening.

I think late 40s is very early for dementia and the fact that she is functional in other areas speaks against this. I'd probably try again talking to the spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is she?

Late 40s. The situation has grown unbearable in the last 3-4 years after previously being merely outgoing and highly engaging.

I mean, you could tell her but the likelihood of it helping is low.

You could ask her about ADHD.

I had a sister in-law who was like this but got medicated for ADHD and she's much better company now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Help isn't free. Can she afford it and still live indoors and eat in the same month?

Yes, excellent insurance. Has resisted any and all exhortations to "see a therapist" or just "talk to somebody" about feelings of anxiety.

This is understandable. "Talking about your feelings" type "therapy" is not really helpful for anxiety, or really all the other things you've armchair diagnosed for her.

[Anonymous]

I act like this because I was isolated by my employer and the government during the covid. Horrifically lonely, will talk to anyone about anything given half the chance. I know it's wrong and my behavior embarrasses me, so I've isolated myself even more so I don't annoy people.

Perhaps be a little more charitable?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can interrupt and ask questions. Ask a few. It annoys them sometimes but it also interrupts their stream of talk and makes them think. Instead of saying uh uh just ask a random question about the story just in start asking a question. One time I did this and then just kept talking myself. The other person actually lost interest in me after that. It’s also ok to simply say oh my gosh I have to go do x and then move on.

For the woman I know who talks non-stop, asking a question will just lead to a 15-minute side-monologue about even more people I’ll never meet and a separate set of excruciating details that nobody but she needs to keep track of. I love her, but it’s hard.

[Anonymous]

I have 3 people in my life like this.
- one is 50’s social, fun, unexplained
- one is 30’s, bipolar and manic depression, add
- one is my mother, 70’s, borderline, narcissistic

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Help isn't free. Can she afford it and still live indoors and eat in the same month?

Yes, excellent insurance. Has resisted any and all exhortations to "see a therapist" or just "talk to somebody" about feelings of anxiety.

Insurance almost never covers therapy by the way. You will almost always end up paying out of pocket if you can even find a therapist who has slots free.. When my kids were in therapy years ago the going rate was $180 an hour, so not cheap.

[Anonymous]

The people I have known who are compulsive talkers have been like this since they were young and it tends to get worse with age. I find it easy to just tune them out and think of something else for a while.