Playing favorites with the first child

[Anonymous]

I was the oldest and I can tell you, definitely NOT the favorite of either parent. Maybe grandparents but who cares about that?

[Anonymous]

It’s usually the youngest.

[Anonymous]

This is a funny thread - MYOB is what I would say.

I'm responding because I actually bought my oldest a car and didn't buy my younger kid a car.

But you aren't in my household so you don't know the reasons! My younger is going to a school where he doesn't need a car and he is leaving soon. We said we would let him drive my car until he goes to college and when he can bring his car to college, he will get a new car and his will last longer.

My older son was older, got a car in high school and he really wanted one and he now has his at college.

Both kids get one new car from us and the younger is choosing to get his later so he will have it long after college, presumably.

Each kid is getting a car when they want it-- but from the outside it doesn't look fair.

Butt out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a funny thread - MYOB is what I would say.

I'm responding because I actually bought my oldest a car and didn't buy my younger kid a car.

But you aren't in my household so you don't know the reasons! My younger is going to a school where he doesn't need a car and he is leaving soon. We said we would let him drive my car until he goes to college and when he can bring his car to college, he will get a new car and his will last longer.

My older son was older, got a car in high school and he really wanted one and he now has his at college.

Both kids get one new car from us and the younger is choosing to get his later so he will have it long after college, presumably.

Each kid is getting a car when they want it-- but from the outside it doesn't look fair.

Butt out.

You seem defensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a funny thread - MYOB is what I would say.

I'm responding because I actually bought my oldest a car and didn't buy my younger kid a car.

But you aren't in my household so you don't know the reasons! My younger is going to a school where he doesn't need a car and he is leaving soon. We said we would let him drive my car until he goes to college and when he can bring his car to college, he will get a new car and his will last longer.

My older son was older, got a car in high school and he really wanted one and he now has his at college.

Both kids get one new car from us and the younger is choosing to get his later so he will have it long after college, presumably.

Each kid is getting a car when they want it-- but from the outside it doesn't look fair.

Butt out.

This is exactly the thing that preferential parents tell themselves.

If you had simply said younger DC can’t take a car to college, so we’re waiting to buy him one, I might have bought it. But you had to launch into a long explanation about older golden child has actually had his new car in HS while younger child drove yours, etc. because he “wanted it.”

I can’t tell you how many times that I heard, “well, favored sibling got this because he asked/wanted it/needed it.” Did if ever occur to you that the younger child has learned not to ask and/or has been sent the message that he doesn’t deserve better?

[Anonymous]

I’m one of three and I’m very lucky that my parents never played favorites thus my siblings and I are great friends. I have four little ones and each baby has been the favorite until they hit the terrible 2’s and turn on me then they are just one of four favorites.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was the oldest and I can tell you, definitely NOT the favorite of either parent. Maybe grandparents but who cares about that?

Similar situation for me, but I cared a lot. My grandfather was a far better person than my parents. He died when I was 11 but had a profound influence on my life. I actually feel sorry for my golden child younger sister because she didn't get to know him (I think her bratty behavior was too much for him as an old man).

[Anonymous]

"But you aren't in my household so you don't know the reasons! My younger is going to a school where he doesn't need a car and he is leaving soon. We said we would let him drive my car until he goes to college and when he can bring his car to college, he will get a new car and his will last longer.

My older son was older, got a car in high school and he really wanted one and he now has his at college."

This makes no sense.

One kid got his very own car while he was still in high school but the other one didn't and instead had to use mom's car when she wasn't driving it. Unlikely it's a car a teen boy would like if it's his mom's, whereas the first kid got to select the car he wanted. That's unfair.

Neither kid would have known where they were attending college until late fall of senior year at the earliest, so the whole timing it with whether you need a car at a particular college campus argument doesn't work. How did the older kid know that he'd be accepted into a college where cars are allowed and needed?

[Anonymous]

My parents favor the youngest ... so, it definitely varies

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yep. Youngest of three here. I agree this dynamic is particularly prevalent when two oldest children marry each other. My oldest sister married and oldest child and they treat their youngest horribly compared to their oldest

Try when two youngest children marry each other and their older siblings were the favorites on their families. It is no picnic being their oldest child. Ask me how I know.