Sleep-away camp when friend cancels -- WWYD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd let her skip, assuming you're not out a substantial amount of money. Frankly, kids have been through enough stress during the pandemic; I'm not adding to that if I can help it. I'm reasonably strict as a parent, but I'm not mean.

It's ONE WEEK.

+1 Resilience, people. A little grit.

Lol, yeah. Is that what you tell yourself?

God, I am so, so tired of people who throw around the term "resilience" when it comes to kids, who clearly have no idea what it really means.

What does it mean in this particular camp context? I feel like allowing a kid to cancel on something already paid for at the last minute just because their friend isn’t going is not conducive to resilience.

It's not relevant in this context, unless the PP is hoping the kid will have a lousy time but ultimately be no worse for wear. There are plenty of opportunities to face adversity and challenge in regular daily life, and with the support of close adults. Purposely exposing your kid to more adversity than they may be able to handle solo isn't fostering resilience.

FWIW, I don't generally let my kids back out of commitments. You're nervous about the swim meet? Do your best, but you're not scratching. Worried you'll screw up at the violin recital? That might happen, but I know you'll get through it. Heck, my own 10 year old DD didn't have the most fun at her first week of day camp, because none of her friends ended up going, which she didn't anticipate. I absolutely encouraged her each morning, checked in at pick up about connections she'd made, etc., but I didn't let her stay home.

But a week of sleepaway camp, for a kid who doesn't want to attend? Solely to prove I'm a "hardass"? Not my thing.

(I do think a PP's suggestion to contact the camp director is a good one. If I were the OP, I'd go that route first, at least to gather more data about the situation, get a sense of how many other kids might be there solo, etc.)

There’s a difference between not wanting to attend, period, and not wanting to attend only because her friend backed out. I would never force my kid to go to a camp against their will, but if she already went and had fun last year and agreed to go back, then yes, you suck it up and go. My kids need a nudge sometimes when they’re feeling a little anxious and they always end up having a good enough time.

As per the OP, her DD went last year, had fun and also was homesick. She was hesitant about this year but agreed to attend this year to give it another try. Right? To me, that differs from a kid who tried it last year and was enthusiastic about attending this year. It sounds like she went from willing to resistant, not from enthusiastic to hesitant.

[Anonymous]

Thanks, all. This is OP. PP is correct that she was already feeling a little anxious about camp and attending somewhat reluctantly. Now that it appears her buddy won't make it, she's been tearful and pretty adamant that she doesn't want to go anymore . But also agree that facing her fears could be a great opportunity for personal growth.

To answer a few of the questions posted earlier it's one of the local-ish GS camps and yes, it's only one week. I don't want to provide too much identifying info, so will leave it at that. There's still a slim chance that her friend could make it (or come a day or two late) but unfortunately we won't know until the last minute, which makes planning very difficult. I'm a little reluctant to request a bunk change when her friend might still end up coming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, all. This is OP. PP is correct that she was already feeling a little anxious about camp and attending somewhat reluctantly. Now that it appears her buddy won't make it, she's been tearful and pretty adamant that she doesn't want to go anymore . But also agree that facing her fears could be a great opportunity for personal growth.

To answer a few of the questions posted earlier it's one of the local-ish GS camps and yes, it's only one week. I don't want to provide too much identifying info, so will leave it at that. There's still a slim chance that her friend could make it (or come a day or two late) but unfortunately we won't know until the last minute, which makes planning very difficult. I'm a little reluctant to request a bunk change when her friend might still end up coming.

They will adjust bunks the day of -based on who actually shows. With Girl Scout Camps, the counselors do not sleep in the same cabins. They want to make sure there is a safe # of girls at all times so they will flex to actual enrollment. [example - cabin with 3 girls may not be allowed b/c of buddy requirements]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, all. This is OP. PP is correct that she was already feeling a little anxious about camp and attending somewhat reluctantly. Now that it appears her buddy won't make it, she's been tearful and pretty adamant that she doesn't want to go anymore . But also agree that facing her fears could be a great opportunity for personal growth.

To answer a few of the questions posted earlier it's one of the local-ish GS camps and yes, it's only one week. I don't want to provide too much identifying info, so will leave it at that. There's still a slim chance that her friend could make it (or come a day or two late) but unfortunately we won't know until the last minute, which makes planning very difficult. I'm a little reluctant to request a bunk change when her friend might still end up coming.

My daughter has been in a cabin when a girl came late - it is no big deal.
In her case, the girl did not pass "lice check" and had to go home and get it taken care of but was allowed to come late. No big deal - lice happens

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a great opportunity for personal growth.

+1 I’d make her growth.

[Anonymous]

i would have her go. sometimes we all need a little nudge to do something we are not super comfortable with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, all. This is OP. PP is correct that she was already feeling a little anxious about camp and attending somewhat reluctantly. Now that it appears her buddy won't make it, she's been tearful and pretty adamant that she doesn't want to go anymore . But also agree that facing her fears could be a great opportunity for personal growth.

To answer a few of the questions posted earlier it's one of the local-ish GS camps and yes, it's only one week. I don't want to provide too much identifying info, so will leave it at that. There's still a slim chance that her friend could make it (or come a day or two late) but unfortunately we won't know until the last minute, which makes planning very difficult. I'm a little reluctant to request a bunk change when her friend might still end up coming.

OP, I'm 15:33/other posts - have you asked what her specific reasons are for not going? I also have a 10 year old DD and when she's nervous about things it's very helpful for me to know exactly why. Some things need empathy and encouragement to do whatever the thing is; other times, she has very valid reasons for not wanting to do something.

You know your daughter better than any of the PPs on this thread. Broadly, exposure is better for addressing anxiety than avoidance (hence why the SPACE model is so effective), but details also matter. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This just happened to us! DD12 was slated to go to a one week sleepaway camp with her best friend. Friend tested positive for COVID a few days before camp and had to bail. DD suffers from some anxiety and this caused a huge meltdown. I made her go (with a promise I would pick her up early if she was truly miserable) and she ended up having a great time and making new friends.

This article I just shared with OP may be very validating for you op! Search "SPACE" to find the intervention for anxiety that does exactly what you did with your child with anxiety and has been shown to be really effective in reducing anxiety over time https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2020/05/childhood-in-an-anxious-age/609079/

Thank you! I just opened it up to take a look.

[Anonymous]

I think having an escape hatch is a good idea. An assurance you will come rescue her if she's really not happy by day 2 or 3.

I was an anxious kid at sleep away camp. I was fine during the day, but once the sun starting going down I felt SO much dread about night time away from home. I remember bringing a stuffed animal that I kept tucked INSIDE my pajamas so that it wouldn't fall out of bed. Thankfully, I was usually pretty tired so besides feeling some dread in the evenings, I was fine.

And I do think it was good for me and my confidence. I could do hard things and be ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd let her skip, assuming you're not out a substantial amount of money. Frankly, kids have been through enough stress during the pandemic; I'm not adding to that if I can help it. I'm reasonably strict as a parent, but I'm not mean.

It's ONE WEEK.

+1 Resilience, people. A little grit.

Lol, yeah. Is that what you tell yourself?

God, I am so, so tired of people who throw around the term "resilience" when it comes to kids, who clearly have no idea what it really means.

Well I can you what it's not - kids who didn't get to play their favorite sport or missed a school dance due to Covid, yet here we are again and again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd let her skip, assuming you're not out a substantial amount of money. Frankly, kids have been through enough stress during the pandemic; I'm not adding to that if I can help it. I'm reasonably strict as a parent, but I'm not mean.

It's ONE WEEK.

+1 Resilience, people. A little grit.

Lol, yeah. Is that what you tell yourself?

God, I am so, so tired of people who throw around the term "resilience" when it comes to kids, who clearly have no idea what it really means.

Well I can you what it's not - kids who didn't get to play their favorite sport or missed a school dance due to Covid, yet here we are again and again.

Huh? What you wrote makes no sense.

[Anonymous]

Girl Scout camps are great at dealing with girls who are homesick! I would send her! My DD has gone for two years now not knowing anyone and has had a blast.

[Anonymous]

If it’s for May Flather and this week my 10 year old is going without a buddy and will want to make friends. She went to Potomac Woods solo last year and had fun. She is someone that is a little prone to homesickness and anxiety, but we encourage her to persevere (and she did like PW last year). OP if it’s this week and May Flather, and she did go, maybe our daughters will make friends.