Sleep-away camp when friend cancels -- WWYD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd let her skip, assuming you're not out a substantial amount of money. Frankly, kids have been through enough stress during the pandemic; I'm not adding to that if I can help it. I'm reasonably strict as a parent, but I'm not mean.

It's ONE WEEK.

+1 Resilience, people. A little grit.

Lol, yeah. Is that what you tell yourself?

God, I am so, so tired of people who throw around the term "resilience" when it comes to kids, who clearly have no idea what it really means.

What does it mean in this particular camp context? I feel like allowing a kid to cancel on something already paid for at the last minute just because their friend isn’t going is not conducive to resilience.

[Anonymous]

2 points -
1. there is a long waitlist for this camp. If you are going to bail reach out NOW so they can get another girl in the spot.

2. I would encourage her to go and reach out to the camp lead and tell them the situation. my experiences with local girl scout camps are they are great for making sure girls are with a cabin that has a balance of kids who do not come with buddies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:2 points -
1. there is a long waitlist for this camp. If you are going to bail reach out NOW so they can get another girl in the spot.

2. I would encourage her to go and reach out to the camp lead and tell them the situation. my experiences with local girl scout camps are they are great for making sure girls are with a cabin that has a balance of kids who do not come with buddies.

This- I'd ask the camp if there are other kids from her school or area. If not, I'd ask if they have an incoming camper she could connect with beforehand- someone in her cabin even.

[Anonymous]

This is a great opportunity for personal growth.

[Anonymous]

This just happened to us! DD12 was slated to go to a one week sleepaway camp with her best friend. Friend tested positive for COVID a few days before camp and had to bail. DD suffers from some anxiety and this caused a huge meltdown. I made her go (with a promise I would pick her up early if she was truly miserable) and she ended up having a great time and making new friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd let her skip, assuming you're not out a substantial amount of money. Frankly, kids have been through enough stress during the pandemic; I'm not adding to that if I can help it. I'm reasonably strict as a parent, but I'm not mean.

It's ONE WEEK.

+1 Resilience, people. A little grit.

Lol, yeah. Is that what you tell yourself?

God, I am so, so tired of people who throw around the term "resilience" when it comes to kids, who clearly have no idea what it really means.

What does it mean in this particular camp context? I feel like allowing a kid to cancel on something already paid for at the last minute just because their friend isn’t going is not conducive to resilience.

It's not relevant in this context, unless the PP is hoping the kid will have a lousy time but ultimately be no worse for wear. There are plenty of opportunities to face adversity and challenge in regular daily life, and with the support of close adults. Purposely exposing your kid to more adversity than they may be able to handle solo isn't fostering resilience.

FWIW, I don't generally let my kids back out of commitments. You're nervous about the swim meet? Do your best, but you're not scratching. Worried you'll screw up at the violin recital? That might happen, but I know you'll get through it. Heck, my own 10 year old DD didn't have the most fun at her first week of day camp, because none of her friends ended up going, which she didn't anticipate. I absolutely encouraged her each morning, checked in at pick up about connections she'd made, etc., but I didn't let her stay home.

But a week of sleepaway camp, for a kid who doesn't want to attend? Solely to prove I'm a "hardass"? Not my thing.

(I do think a PP's suggestion to contact the camp director is a good one. If I were the OP, I'd go that route first, at least to gather more data about the situation, get a sense of how many other kids might be there solo, etc.)

[Anonymous]

My girl went without a buddy at that age and loved it. GS is great at making the singles feel comfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My introverted DD who doesn't make friends easily went without knowing anyone went to sleep away camp and had a fantastic time.

It wasn't GS camp. The schedule was so busy and the activities allowed for socializing . I was hoping that she would make a friend, but she didn't and still enjoyed it and wants to go back.

I would encourage DD to go, but not force it if you think it's just too much for her to handle.

What camp, if you don't mind sharing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:2 points -
1. there is a long waitlist for this camp. If you are going to bail reach out NOW so they can get another girl in the spot.

2. I would encourage her to go and reach out to the camp lead and tell them the situation. my experiences with local girl scout camps are they are great for making sure girls are with a cabin that has a balance of kids who do not come with buddies.

This- I'd ask the camp if there are other kids from her school or area. If not, I'd ask if they have an incoming camper she could connect with beforehand- someone in her cabin even.

This is a great idea, help her connect to a new potential buddy or 2 before camp.

[Anonymous]

Same thing happened to my son and he went and had fun. The first 2 days he was homesick, but by the last few days he had made some friends and was doing great!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd let her skip, assuming you're not out a substantial amount of money. Frankly, kids have been through enough stress during the pandemic; I'm not adding to that if I can help it. I'm reasonably strict as a parent, but I'm not mean.

It's ONE WEEK.

+1 Resilience, people. A little grit.

Lol, yeah. Is that what you tell yourself?

God, I am so, so tired of people who throw around the term "resilience" when it comes to kids, who clearly have no idea what it really means.

What does it mean in this particular camp context? I feel like allowing a kid to cancel on something already paid for at the last minute just because their friend isn’t going is not conducive to resilience.

It's not relevant in this context, unless the PP is hoping the kid will have a lousy time but ultimately be no worse for wear. There are plenty of opportunities to face adversity and challenge in regular daily life, and with the support of close adults. Purposely exposing your kid to more adversity than they may be able to handle solo isn't fostering resilience.

FWIW, I don't generally let my kids back out of commitments. You're nervous about the swim meet? Do your best, but you're not scratching. Worried you'll screw up at the violin recital? That might happen, but I know you'll get through it. Heck, my own 10 year old DD didn't have the most fun at her first week of day camp, because none of her friends ended up going, which she didn't anticipate. I absolutely encouraged her each morning, checked in at pick up about connections she'd made, etc., but I didn't let her stay home.

But a week of sleepaway camp, for a kid who doesn't want to attend? Solely to prove I'm a "hardass"? Not my thing.

(I do think a PP's suggestion to contact the camp director is a good one. If I were the OP, I'd go that route first, at least to gather more data about the situation, get a sense of how many other kids might be there solo, etc.)

There’s a difference between not wanting to attend, period, and not wanting to attend only because her friend backed out. I would never force my kid to go to a camp against their will, but if she already went and had fun last year and agreed to go back, then yes, you suck it up and go. My kids need a nudge sometimes when they’re feeling a little anxious and they always end up having a good enough time.

[Anonymous]

OP I'm someone that may have said oh don't make her go, but I read this article recently and the part on the SPACE intervention with kids with anxiety has really stuck with me. I'm not saying your daughter has anxiety, but this idea that accommodating our kids fears doesn't usually help them all this much has stuck with me so I thought it might help you, and given it I think I would do a LOT of supporting, but help her prep to stick with it. This is an opportunity as a parent to help her through a hard thing for her. We want to use those opportunities while they are still in our house so that when they leave and are on their own, they have the tools to handle it. To cope. Of course we want to be responsive to them but there is a balance.

The article is long - you can honestly do control find for "SPACE" and you'll see the intervention I'm talking about. https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2020/05/childhood-in-an-anxious-age/609079/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This just happened to us! DD12 was slated to go to a one week sleepaway camp with her best friend. Friend tested positive for COVID a few days before camp and had to bail. DD suffers from some anxiety and this caused a huge meltdown. I made her go (with a promise I would pick her up early if she was truly miserable) and she ended up having a great time and making new friends.

This article I just shared with OP may be very validating for you op! Search "SPACE" to find the intervention for anxiety that does exactly what you did with your child with anxiety and has been shown to be really effective in reducing anxiety over time https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2020/05/childhood-in-an-anxious-age/609079/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I'm someone that may have said oh don't make her go, but I read this article recently and the part on the SPACE intervention with kids with anxiety has really stuck with me. I'm not saying your daughter has anxiety, but this idea that accommodating our kids fears doesn't usually help them all this much has stuck with me so I thought it might help you, and given it I think I would do a LOT of supporting, but help her prep to stick with it. This is an opportunity as a parent to help her through a hard thing for her. We want to use those opportunities while they are still in our house so that when they leave and are on their own, they have the tools to handle it. To cope. Of course we want to be responsive to them but there is a balance.

The article is long - you can honestly do control find for "SPACE" and you'll see the intervention I'm talking about. https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2020/05/childhood-in-an-anxious-age/609079/

I should also add the key to this intervention is not just reducing accommodations for the child when they are feeling a little anxious, but doing it with empathy. So not "you'll be fine!! why are you even worried?!??!" and then pushing. But empathy + a push/I believe in you.

[Anonymous]

If it’s a GSCNC camp, fill out the “About My Camper” form.

This will let the counselors know to keep an eye on her and make sure she’s engaged and doing OK. They’re really good about keeping an eye on girls who might need a nudge or some special care.

But many girls won’t have a buddy, so they do lots of icebreaker games at the beginning, to help them get comfortable with each other in a relaxed way.