Another family beach house story: is this odd to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You all need to have a master meal plan for this week. Ad hoc totally isn't cutting it. Been there. Drop off catering for dinner (same meal same place for everyone), defined responsibility day by day for lunch and breakfast strictly on your own with your nuclear family worked for us. As for the guests, they should get drinks only!

Sigh. With chaotic relatives, this actually wouldn't work. They wouldn't agree to a defined responsibility, and even if they did, they would change the plan. And, they would still complain about what I made on my day and try to change my plan.

All you can do with chaotic non-planners is just go with the flow: that is, stick to your own plans, and let them flow around you, and ignore them.

[Anonymous]

I’m the OP of the other thread and I thought *I* was long-winded! Couldn’t make it through. What snagged me was you were “obligated” to stay for dinner, and no you were not; you chose to.

Change code, tell them to stay out of your rental. I think that’s the solution to whatever your problem is that I can’t read enough to deduce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone in this situation is ridiculous. Honestly, if there is a family beach home and a second home is rented next door that is much larger, I can 100% see family assuming that the larger house is the “hang out” house and the smaller house is the “just go sleep there house.” In a family full of normal people, this could totally work fine.

But people thinking they can demand others cook for them, feed their kids, etc are crazy. If your husband thinks this is cool, I would put every demand back on him. “Your sister would like French toast with bacon and homeade apricot jam. I’m headed for a run, dear.” See if your husband will deal with this nonsense.

Yes, the host house thing makes sense, as they consider it an extension of the house they own. The demanding you cook part is weird, and you simply don't do it, or make your husband do it. THis is the one thing your husband asks for so you will have to figure out how to make this work.

I also get the impression that you think you are better than them because you get up early and exercise. There is an overtone of self-righteousness regarding this that oozes from your post. And it is odd that you specified what kind of sandwiches they poached. Like, we would be on your side because they where Hawaiian rolls and ham, but turkey on wheat would be ok for them to take? Have you been drinking?

I actually liked the ham on Hawaiian rolls detail. It means that OP put some thought into what would be delicious beach food!

[Anonymous]

“What makes you think I’m in charge of making you lunch?”
“What makes you think it’s ok to host an event at our beach rental without asking? And then without preparing anything?”
“What makes you think I want to make tacos? What makes you think you get to decide what’s for dinner without checking with the rest of us?”
Etc. Your husband doesn’t seem to care they treat your house like their house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like they are close/no-boundaries people and you want boundaries. I don't think anyone is inherently wrong, but certainly one of you is going to end up unhappy here.

What does your husband think?

No one is inherently wrong? What mealy mouthed bs is that. The ils are rude. Rude and entitled and they think op and her dh are their personal slaves. Did you not read the posts? Your interpretation isn't just different. It's dishonest.

Good for you giving them hell op. Now give that hell to your dh. I would be furious if people ate all the food I brought. That is rude is even more ways. These people aren't clueless; they're azzholes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nobody cares what kind of ham was involved OP. You have lost your mind. If you're not having fun stop vacationing with these people. Stop telling them where you live, stop leaving your door unlocked, stop inviting them over, stop giving them the code to get into your house.

You feel like they're crossing boundaries. So set some freaking boundaries.

Plus 1. Love the ham comment!

[Anonymous]

This sounds like inlaws have assumed that you and your dh have assumed the role of the previous grandparents with the large house who (I assume) did everything they are now asking of you.

Does your dh secretly want to take over from the grandparents with a larger house and be the "big man" who treats everyone and you have to help him? Because that's what it sounds like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Truthfully you all sound odd.

You. Every.single.time. Get a job or a hobby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There must be some precedent for this behavior. No one just walks into your house and demands you cook elaborate meals for them unless they are mentally ill. Has your DH always been a doormat in his family? Something is going on that you are not telling us. Did your DH tell his family to please treat the house as theirs and bring guests over whenever they want?

Not op. It depends upon the family. There are plenty of dysfunctional families who treat women who marry in like hired help. Ask me about my misogynistic inlaws whom dh and I haven't spoken to in over 10 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“What makes you think I’m in charge of making you lunch?”
“What makes you think it’s ok to host an event at our beach rental without asking? And then without preparing anything?”
“What makes you think I want to make tacos? What makes you think you get to decide what’s for dinner without checking with the rest of us?”
Etc. Your husband doesn’t seem to care they treat your house like their house.

or that they treat op like their maid. Why has almost every response here ignored that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“What makes you think I’m in charge of making you lunch?”
“What makes you think it’s ok to host an event at our beach rental without asking? And then without preparing anything?”
“What makes you think I want to make tacos? What makes you think you get to decide what’s for dinner without checking with the rest of us?”
Etc. Your husband doesn’t seem to care they treat your house like their house.

or that they treat op like their maid. Why has almost every response here ignored that?

Didn’t the uncle make the tacos? Though he did force her and family to eat them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like inlaws have assumed that you and your dh have assumed the role of the previous grandparents with the large house who (I assume) did everything they are now asking of you.

Does your dh secretly want to take over from the grandparents with a larger house and be the "big man" who treats everyone and you have to help him? Because that's what it sounds like.

Well then DH needs to let her know so she is not baffled by their demands.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“What makes you think I’m in charge of making you lunch?”
“What makes you think it’s ok to host an event at our beach rental without asking? And then without preparing anything?”
“What makes you think I want to make tacos? What makes you think you get to decide what’s for dinner without checking with the rest of us?”
Etc. Your husband doesn’t seem to care they treat your house like their house.

+1 to all of this. Adding on, “What made you think we are hosting this vacation?”

OP, this sounds like a nightmare. Never again.

[Anonymous]

if your husband wants the tradition to continue, rent a house big enough for everyone and everyone chips in. plan meals. bringing guests gets discussed, not sprung on everyone else.

or don't go on this vacation anymore. go somewhere else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone in this situation is ridiculous. Honestly, if there is a family beach home and a second home is rented next door that is much larger, I can 100% see family assuming that the larger house is the “hang out” house and the smaller house is the “just go sleep there house.” In a family full of normal people, this could totally work fine.

But people thinking they can demand others cook for them, feed their kids, etc are crazy. If your husband thinks this is cool, I would put every demand back on him. “Your sister would like French toast with bacon and homeade apricot jam. I’m headed for a run, dear.” See if your husband will deal with this nonsense.

Yes, the host house thing makes sense, as they consider it an extension of the house they own. The demanding you cook part is weird, and you simply don't do it, or make your husband do it. THis is the one thing your husband asks for so you will have to figure out how to make this work.

I also get the impression that you think you are better than them because you get up early and exercise. There is an overtone of self-righteousness regarding this that oozes from your post. And it is odd that you specified what kind of sandwiches they poached. Like, we would be on your side because they where Hawaiian rolls and ham, but turkey on wheat would be ok for them to take? Have you been drinking?

Sounds like you are a lazy non exerciser who probably eats too much.

Oh please. Most of this drama is occurring at breakfast when OP and her husband are out at 5 am running and doing yoga. Anyone who’s getting up at 5 am on vacation to go running is super uptight and controlling, hence the angst with people popping in chaotically all the time. These two groups should not vacation together.