Help. At a loss as to how to handle this camp situation.

[Anonymous]

Allowing them to do it is inappropriate, but sneaking out a night to be with the opposite sex and do inappropriate things is part of sleep away camp especially for teenagers.

[Anonymous]

Lol you all are like “gender is a construct!” Then clutch your pearls when it plays out. Spare me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Allowing them to do it is inappropriate, but sneaking out a night to be with the opposite sex and do inappropriate things is part of sleep away camp especially for teenagers.

I actually disagree here. In my experience, "allowing" a certain amount of PDA is protective because it means it is all consensual.

By forcing kids to sneak out, you create a situation where a child is less likely to report when another kid "goes too far" because they fear getting in trouble for the original transgression (sneaking out).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just a note that you shouldn’t expect that this kind of stuff won’t happen at a stem campz. I went to CTY growing up and I remember hearing that a few years after I graduated out that someone got pregnant. Could you imagine sending your kid to nerd camp and her returning pregnant?

Nerdy girls need love, too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my experience, "allowing" a certain amount of PDA is protective because it means it is all consensual. By forcing kids to sneak out, you create a situation where a child is less likely to report when another kid "goes too far" because they fear getting in trouble for the original transgression (sneaking out).

This is a terrific observation. Furthermore, a healthy group of kids (i.e. with plenty of witnesses present), there seems to be a lower likelihood that something nonconsensual (or extreme) will occur, as well. This was less dangerous than kids sneaking off alone.

(I should also point out that sneaking off alone often means kids going into out-of-bounds areas that might be out of bounds specifically because they are less safe. I remember attending a church camp as a teenager, where a young couple sneaked off in the night, going into the forest alone. That was really not safe.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my experience, "allowing" a certain amount of PDA is protective because it means it is all consensual. By forcing kids to sneak out, you create a situation where a child is less likely to report when another kid "goes too far" because they fear getting in trouble for the original transgression (sneaking out).

This is a terrific observation. Furthermore, a healthy group of kids (i.e. with plenty of witnesses present), there seems to be a lower likelihood that something nonconsensual (or extreme) will occur, as well. This was less dangerous than kids sneaking off alone.

(I should also point out that sneaking off alone often means kids going into out-of-bounds areas that might be out of bounds specifically because they are less safe. I remember attending a church camp as a teenager, where a young couple sneaked off in the night, going into the forest alone. That was really not safe.)

+1 I'm the former camp counselor above who worked at a camp with a pretty lax PDA policy. I also worked at camps that made kids sneak around. The environment was MUCH healthier at the camp that treated teen romance as the norm and put some age-appropriate boundaries around demonstrating affection. This was also a camp where kids would stay for several weeks to a month, which dramatically increased the number of teen romances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would you choose a camp with mixed bunking? That’s a recipe for trouble.

+1. Have to agree. And I would be livid if this happened to my DD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yikes, I’d be upset, too. I think it is completely appropriate to speak to the director of the camp because who knows what else another batch of campers could “talk their counsellors into.”

Ok, thanks, and thanks for not making me feel like I am crazy to think this was not appropriate. I am so troubled by this, I am doubting myself and second-guessing myself and rethinking and reanalyzing, etc.

No, you aren't crazy. These are minors. I would be upset, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you choose a camp with mixed bunking? That’s a recipe for trouble.

I suppose I was naive. This was the first “mixed” camp situation we have ever done, so it never occurred to me there would not be strict guidelines upheld. It was a camp for gifted science students so all along, we were just focusing on what a great experience it would be for her, etc etc etc.

I’ve heard it’s becoming more common as we move away from gender segregation which is harmful to trans community.

[Anonymous]

I would also be upset by this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yikes, I’d be upset, too. I think it is completely appropriate to speak to the director of the camp because who knows what else another batch of campers could “talk their counsellors into.”

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lol you all are like “gender is a construct!” Then clutch your pearls when it plays out. Spare me.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you choose a camp with mixed bunking? That’s a recipe for trouble.

I suppose I was naive. This was the first “mixed” camp situation we have ever done, so it never occurred to me there would not be strict guidelines upheld. It was a camp for gifted science students so all along, we were just focusing on what a great experience it would be for her, etc etc etc.

I’ve heard it’s becoming more common as we move away from gender segregation which is harmful to trans community.

Yes let's blame the trans kids for the hetero teen spooning, too