Help. At a loss as to how to handle this camp situation.

[Anonymous]

My 14yo daughter just came home from a small science camp for gifted kids in the sciences. There were 6 girls and 6 boys and they were all bunked in the same cabin which had two wings: one for the boys, and one for the girls. A male and a female older camp staff person spent the night in the cabin to supervise.

Well my daughter is now home and she let slip that the campers talked these staffers into letting boys and girls sleep outside together, in sleeping bags, and I then saw on her phone that newly formed couples were canoodling and spooning all night long etc etc etc. I said, “The staff allowed this??!” And she said, “Well, they asked their supervisor and they said yes???” And I said, “Did the staff sleep out there with you guys?” And she said, “Umm, they said they would check on us every few hours?!???”

What in the world. What sort of camp permits this. I am so beyond emotionally spent from going over and over this topic with my daughter I am at a loss at to how to approach it with the camp. This is a camp for many groups so who knows what other people could have approached these kids while they were sleeping, etc. I feel this camp is so lucky nothing dangerous really happened or some parent could sue them to kingdom come.

Suggestions, please??

[Anonymous]

What is it that you want to achieve?

[Anonymous]

Good question. I suppose I would like an apology, and I would like their awareness this occurred (I do not even know if the directors know?) so that I does not happen again.

[Anonymous]

When you send kids that age to camp, this is why they say yes they want to go. They aren't little anymore. Wise up. It's time.

[Anonymous]

Why would you choose a camp with mixed bunking? That’s a recipe for trouble.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would you choose a camp with mixed bunking? That’s a recipe for trouble.

I suppose I was naive. This was the first “mixed” camp situation we have ever done, so it never occurred to me there would not be strict guidelines upheld. It was a camp for gifted science students so all along, we were just focusing on what a great experience it would be for her, etc etc etc.

[Anonymous]

Yikes, I’d be upset, too. I think it is completely appropriate to speak to the director of the camp because who knows what else another batch of campers could “talk their counsellors into.”

[Anonymous]

I think that reaching out to the supervisor that approved this is probably the right place to start...just to find out what happened. I don't think that it's right for a camp to allow minors to sleep in a co-ed setting without parental consent, because many parents would have issues with this. That being said, I went to a science type summer program in HS (I might have been 15 or 16, but still a minor), and I can tell you that at some point you can't stop teenagers from doing what their hormones are making them want to do. And most summer programs are staffed with college students who aren't as adept at managing these kind of things. You just have to feel pretty sure by that age that you've imparted to your kids the right knowledge and values to make healthy decisions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you choose a camp with mixed bunking? That’s a recipe for trouble.

I suppose I was naive. This was the first “mixed” camp situation we have ever done, so it never occurred to me there would not be strict guidelines upheld. It was a camp for gifted science students so all along, we were just focusing on what a great experience it would be for her, etc etc etc.

Sounds like she had a great experience!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yikes, I’d be upset, too. I think it is completely appropriate to speak to the director of the camp because who knows what else another batch of campers could “talk their counsellors into.”

Ok, thanks, and thanks for not making me feel like I am crazy to think this was not appropriate. I am so troubled by this, I am doubting myself and second-guessing myself and rethinking and reanalyzing, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yikes, I’d be upset, too. I think it is completely appropriate to speak to the director of the camp because who knows what else another batch of campers could “talk their counsellors into.”

Ok, thanks, and thanks for not making me feel like I am crazy to think this was not appropriate. I am so troubled by this, I am doubting myself and second-guessing myself and rethinking and reanalyzing, etc.

OP, you didn't do anything wrong. I would probably have assumed like you that strict rules would be upheld. But I think the reality of having a teenager is that they have hormones and even the science types are interested in exploring romantic connections. This is not the last time your teenage DD will be in a situation that you would not have allowed had you known about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that reaching out to the supervisor that approved this is probably the right place to start...just to find out what happened. I don't think that it's right for a camp to allow minors to sleep in a co-ed setting without parental consent, because many parents would have issues with this. That being said, I went to a science type summer program in HS (I might have been 15 or 16, but still a minor), and I can tell you that at some point you can't stop teenagers from doing what their hormones are making them want to do. And most summer programs are staffed with college students who aren't as adept at managing these kind of things. You just have to feel pretty sure by that age that you've imparted to your kids the right knowledge and values to make healthy decisions.

Yes, that is exactly it: these staffers were college students or other young adults who were “fun” but certainly apparently NOT adept at handling this 14yo type of “logic.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yikes, I’d be upset, too. I think it is completely appropriate to speak to the director of the camp because who knows what else another batch of campers could “talk their counsellors into.”

Ok, thanks, and thanks for not making me feel like I am crazy to think this was not appropriate. I am so troubled by this, I am doubting myself and second-guessing myself and rethinking and reanalyzing, etc.

OP, you didn't do anything wrong. I would probably have assumed like you that strict rules would be upheld. But I think the reality of having a teenager is that they have hormones and even the science types are interested in exploring romantic connections. This is not the last time your teenage DD will be in a situation that you would not have allowed had you known about it.

Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good question. I suppose I would like an apology, and I would like their awareness this occurred (I do not even know if the directors know?) so that I does not happen again.

Just send an email to the director. I'm sure they'll apologize.


I'm not sure this is as big a deal as you think it was. A bunch of kids outside a cabin in sleeping bags is maybe poor judgment but what are we upset about, some making out? I don't think there's ever been a camp with 14 year olds where they don't make out. Especially the "gifted" ones. But this is probably something they shouldn't have done and maybe they'll fire whoever approved it. As if that will make a difference.

You sound pretty wound up about it so I think you need to think that through as well. It sounds like your kid was fine and made good choices, which is the main point. If she's 14, there's no way to stop her from being around kids who "canoodle" and "spoon" and give each other hand jobs and everything else. I don't think it's healthy to be "emotionally spent" about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good question. I suppose I would like an apology, and I would like their awareness this occurred (I do not even know if the directors know?) so that I does not happen again.

Just send an email to the director. I'm sure they'll apologize.


I'm not sure this is as big a deal as you think it was. A bunch of kids outside a cabin in sleeping bags is maybe poor judgment but what are we upset about, some making out? I don't think there's ever been a camp with 14 year olds where they don't make out. Especially the "gifted" ones. But this is probably something they shouldn't have done and maybe they'll fire whoever approved it. As if that will make a difference.

You sound pretty wound up about it so I think you need to think that through as well. It sounds like your kid was fine and made good choices, which is the main point. If she's 14, there's no way to stop her from being around kids who "canoodle" and "spoon" and give each other hand jobs and everything else. I don't think it's healthy to be "emotionally spent" about it.

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