Is the "hero instinct" a real thing for guys?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being needed for common every day tasks gets old, can’t reach the top shelf? just get a stool and stop bothering me.

But the occasional side hug with a hand placed in the center of our chest when you tell us something good we do, have done, have made or have made you feel is enough to keep us chasing your approval for lack of a better term. One of these a month is enough to keep me working my ass off.

I'm 5'2 and my guy is 6'4. Of course he gets stuff off the top shelf. And I give him a hug after. I guess I win!

And here, at 6'1", I've been doing hugless reaching for my 5'0" wife these past 20 years!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t know that was a thing until I met a woman that was insecure and grew up in a toxic household. I suddenly wanted to be her hero and give her everything she never had.

So what happened with her? Why did you break up?

Not sure if PP did break up. But, if he did, I wouldn't be surprised. Women who are insecure and grew up in toxic households aren't super good at relationships, as a rule.

She wasn't good at relationship and had terrible boundaries. Constantly needed attention, either from me, or someone else. It didn't last long, but I loved giving her the attention at the time.

[Anonymous]

I am a 50 yr old female mechanic and musician. Total outlier. Walk around with grease under my chipped nails and wear black and leather and I can fight like a Tennessee wildcat in battle, if my man ever needs backup.
In my experience, a man respects a woman who is under the car changing the oil by herself a lot more than he does a simpering woman who behaves like a princess and needs a man to help her survive. Have some pride and some dignity. A real man does not want a fake.

[Anonymous]

I don't really consider that hero instinct.

When my DH didn't even pause for a second to rescue our elderly neighbor when he realized her house was on fire, or watching him rescue a father and son that got stuck in a rip current... That is hero instinct.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was one of those self-sufficient women that prides myself on my independence and having a very equal marriage. Husband and I earned the same, split child care duties 50-50, split household stuff 50-50. I thought we were a great team, but after 18 years of marriage he had an affair with his admin assistant. Literally the only female on the planet who is paid to listen to him, bring him coffee, and literally gets performance feedback from him.

One of his reasons? “She needs me in a way you never did.”

Oh well. Bye!

Maybe he put her on a pip?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a 50 yr old female mechanic and musician. Total outlier. Walk around with grease under my chipped nails and wear black and leather and I can fight like a Tennessee wildcat in battle, if my man ever needs backup.
In my experience, a man respects a woman who is under the car changing the oil by herself a lot more than he does a simpering woman who behaves like a princess and needs a man to help her survive. Have some pride and some dignity. A real man does not want a fake.

Yep it’s back to hiding who you are while dating. Why do women thing this is a great idea?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was one of those self-sufficient women that prides myself on my independence and having a very equal marriage. Husband and I earned the same, split child care duties 50-50, split household stuff 50-50. I thought we were a great team, but after 18 years of marriage he had an affair with his admin assistant. Literally the only female on the planet who is paid to listen to him, bring him coffee, and literally gets performance feedback from him.

One of his reasons? “She needs me in a way you never did.”

Oh well. Bye!

Yeah there must be more of a making him feel important aspect rather than doing a bunch of tasks. What some posts here have indicated sound like honey-dos to me. My DH hates honey dos, but when he does something for the family/house lately, I've made a point of showing gratitude and complimenting him in hopes that it encourages more of it. I'm younger than DH and a SAHM but don't think we're affair proof. Nobody is because you eventually end up having mundane, annoying life stuff to deal with together and that's not as much fun as time spent with someone who just does fun things with you when you see each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good luck finding a man in his 40s who knows how or even has the tools to change your oil. You're lucky if he knows how to check it or put air in the tires.

Laughing at this, and I'm a guy in my 40's. While I can do those two things, I'm definitely not handy. I'll try anything but it often winds up being a disaster.

I'm far more of the outdoors type...I mow, plant flower gardens, and even built a small rock wall around one of them, but I can't fix appliances or anything like that. We all have our strengths and weaknesses.

As to the OP...I mean sure I like feeling helpful, but that's not a trigger or anything. Women who can fix their own stuff is an attractive quality. A woman who can fix my stuff would be even more attractive. I'll weed the garden for her.

[Anonymous]

In my relationship it’s the opposite. My DH is a typical absent-minded academic, I am an equine professional. He does nothing around the farm and loves to tell people what a badass I am. I drive a truck, he drives a Subaru.

I find that most men want to be taken care of and respected. The idea they need to rescue me is laughable. I don’t want a man that needs to, on some level, dominate me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a 50 yr old female mechanic and musician. Total outlier. Walk around with grease under my chipped nails and wear black and leather and I can fight like a Tennessee wildcat in battle, if my man ever needs backup.
In my experience, a man respects a woman who is under the car changing the oil by herself a lot more than he does a simpering woman who behaves like a princess and needs a man to help her survive. Have some pride and some dignity. A real man does not want a fake.

True is, men like whomever gives him their pu$$y. They are not difficult to please.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend who fell in love with his wife when she repeatedly threw him over the pool table.

It's best not to go around guessing about what guys will like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who fell in love with his wife when she repeatedly threw him over the pool table.

It's best not to go around guessing about what guys will like.

When that shows some serious problems. As they say people with problems attract other people with problems.