Is the "hero instinct" a real thing for guys?

[Anonymous]

I'm 40 and dating, and keep reading articles about how I need to trigger a guy's "hero instinct" for him to fall in love. For example, men supposedly love women who need them for various tasks, be it for changing the car oil, replacing a light bulb, etc.

What do you think about this? If true, what's the best way to do it? I actually have a shelf I need hung in my apartment- should I ask the guy I'm dating to help me?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 40 and dating, and keep reading articles about how I need to trigger a guy's "hero instinct" for him to fall in love. For example, men supposedly love women who need them for various tasks, be it for changing the car oil, replacing a light bulb, etc.

What do you think about this? If true, what's the best way to do it? I actually have a shelf I need hung in my apartment- should I ask the guy I'm dating to help me?

Men want to be admired. That's probably more accurate that being a hero. So for sure, ask him to hang a shelf, tell him how amazing it is he could do that. Bonus points if you have sex with him after.

Men are simple to please

[Anonymous]

I dunno. When DH and I were dating he saw me change the garbage disposal in my kitchen sink, and kept calling me a badass for the rest of the day. He likes doing things for me to make my life easier like yesterday he folded a load of my workout clothes fresh from the dryer , but also likes that I can handle myself.

[Anonymous]

Only ask him if you already know he knows how to do it. If he doesn’t — and few guys outside of generation x can do this stuff anymore — don’t ask.

[Anonymous]

We have a running joke in my house that is centered around the fact that I am hearty and strong and just Get Stuff Done. DH is a sterotypical absent minded professor, very methodical, in his thoughts, more sensitive than your average guy. In 30 years together there have been a few times that I have been startled by his instinct to "protect" me. Once or twice physically and once or twice in a political/emotional situation. It was primal and explosive and his lizard brain was running the show.

[Anonymous]

Some men want to be a protector of their partner. This is admirable and potentially dysfunctional all at once.

[Anonymous]

🤷‍♂️ Everyone likes to feel needed.

Of course, “let your man know you need him” is in tension with the current dogma that All Women Are Strong and Independent and Don’t Need No Man.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like woo woo bullshit. There's no formula.

[Anonymous]

I’m a very functional, capable woman. I would never ask a guy to hang a shelf or change a lightbulb. I pride myself on being competent and independent.

And yea, a lot of guys don’t like it. Those guys are not people I want to be with. I don’t want a man who needs a lot of fawning. I don’t want a man who needs to feel like a woman depends on him, because then he’s not working on being a good partner to keep her around, he does whatever Tf he wants and assumes a woman will just stick around because she has no other choice.

I do get men who are strongly attracted to capable women and they are generally much better to have as partners. Some not so much (they want to basically be absent in a relationship but still have an independent woman on speed dial for booty calls). But most are very capable, functional men who want the same.

Basically, I want to admire and compliment men based on their character, intellect, etc and I want them to do the same for me.

Also, the damsel in distress look is cute when you’re 24 but puts you in an extremely vulnerable position as you age. Male or female, being helpless in your 50s is extremely unattractive and sets you up for hardship. I’ve seen so many women who didn’t know how to care for themselves because they relied on their husbands, and then when their husband leaves, cheats, dies, etc, they are f***ed. Figuring out adulthood at age 60 is not good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 40 and dating, and keep reading articles about how I need to trigger a guy's "hero instinct" for him to fall in love. For example, men supposedly love women who need them for various tasks, be it for changing the car oil, replacing a light bulb, etc.

What do you think about this? If true, what's the best way to do it? I actually have a shelf I need hung in my apartment- should I ask the guy I'm dating to help me?

This whole post is disgusting. It sounds like some kind of crappy article from some teen magazine. Are you proud of yourself?

[Anonymous]

I do think men want to impress women and make them proud. Competitive men are also always wondering how they rank in your eyes. Some need more explicit communication on these topics than others but they all enjoy being recognized as someone their woman depends on.

I don't think women are much different, btw.

-A DW who dated quite a bit before settling down

[Anonymous]

Good luck finding a man in his 40s who knows how or even has the tools to change your oil. You're lucky if he knows how to check it or put air in the tires.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good luck finding a man in his 40s who knows how or even has the tools to change your oil. You're lucky if he knows how to check it or put air in the tires.

LOL this.

[Anonymous]

Why do women spend so much time trying to figure out what guys want rather than asking those men what they bring to the table?

[Anonymous]

Being needed for common every day tasks gets old, can’t reach the top shelf? just get a stool and stop bothering me.

But the occasional side hug with a hand placed in the center of our chest when you tell us something good we do, have done, have made or have made you feel is enough to keep us chasing your approval for lack of a better term. One of these a month is enough to keep me working my ass off.