Is the "hero instinct" a real thing for guys?

[Anonymous]

Someone that is lower value and thinks they walk on water. Feeds their external validation. She will be impressed by everything and demand very little, settle for bread crumbs.

[Anonymous]

This is very situation specific. And yes, it is cuter in younger women. If you’re older and are dating divorced guys with children, the last thing they need is to have to take care of someone else’s problems. So for that demographic, they are not looking for a woman who needs a handyman. But this might work if you’re both 25.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is very situation specific. And yes, it is cuter in younger women. If you’re older and are dating divorced guys with children, the last thing they need is to have to take care of someone else’s problems. So for that demographic, they are not looking for a woman who needs a handyman. But this might work if you’re both 25.

But guys in affairs look for this to feel like big men/saviors. They get the validation without having to take care or support them.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a bunch of garbage you found on Twitter and Reddit.

But hi ahead pretend to be stupid and afraid of bugs. I'm sure it will get you the man of your dreams and a long lasting healthy relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:🤷‍♂️ Everyone likes to feel needed.

Of course, “let your man know you need him” is in tension with the current dogma that All Women Are Strong and Independent and Don’t Need No Man.

Healthy people want to be wanted. Healthy people want partnerships where they can help and balance each other and grow together.

Needing and needing to be neededs at best a sign of immaturity often leads to drama and toxic behavior.

[Anonymous]

I was one of those self-sufficient women that prides myself on my independence and having a very equal marriage. Husband and I earned the same, split child care duties 50-50, split household stuff 50-50. I thought we were a great team, but after 18 years of marriage he had an affair with his admin assistant. Literally the only female on the planet who is paid to listen to him, bring him coffee, and literally gets performance feedback from him.

One of his reasons? “She needs me in a way you never did.”

Oh well. Bye!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a very functional, capable woman. I would never ask a guy to hang a shelf or change a lightbulb. I pride myself on being competent and independent.

And yea, a lot of guys don’t like it. Those guys are not people I want to be with. I don’t want a man who needs a lot of fawning. I don’t want a man who needs to feel like a woman depends on him, because then he’s not working on being a good partner to keep her around, he does whatever Tf he wants and assumes a woman will just stick around because she has no other choice.

I do get men who are strongly attracted to capable women and they are generally much better to have as partners. Some not so much (they want to basically be absent in a relationship but still have an independent woman on speed dial for booty calls). But most are very capable, functional men who want the same.

Basically, I want to admire and compliment men based on their character, intellect, etc and I want them to do the same for me.

Also, the damsel in distress look is cute when you’re 24 but puts you in an extremely vulnerable position as you age. Male or female, being helpless in your 50s is extremely unattractive and sets you up for hardship. I’ve seen so many women who didn’t know how to care for themselves because they relied on their husbands, and then when their husband leaves, cheats, dies, etc, they are f***ed. Figuring out adulthood at age 60 is not good.

So you're single?

[Anonymous]

I didn’t know that was a thing until I met a woman that was insecure and grew up in a toxic household. I suddenly wanted to be her hero and give her everything she never had.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is very situation specific. And yes, it is cuter in younger women. If you’re older and are dating divorced guys with children, the last thing they need is to have to take care of someone else’s problems. So for that demographic, they are not looking for a woman who needs a handyman. But this might work if you’re both 25.

She’s … in her 40s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t know that was a thing until I met a woman that was insecure and grew up in a toxic household. I suddenly wanted to be her hero and give her everything she never had.

So what happened with her? Why did you break up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t know that was a thing until I met a woman that was insecure and grew up in a toxic household. I suddenly wanted to be her hero and give her everything she never had.

So what happened with her? Why did you break up?

Not sure if PP did break up. But, if he did, I wouldn't be surprised. Women who are insecure and grew up in toxic households aren't super good at relationships, as a rule.

[Anonymous]

Yes—I am tempermentally a tomboy but when I leaned into being girly and in need of male services (not incapable, just in need) men started falling all over themselves. I think it’s cute and I let them do it to their hearts content while still single.

Being seen as strong was absolutely not a hill I would die on. It worked out well because I really don’t have to worry about my husband being lazy around the house or on dates because I never set the expectation that I was “badass”, lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t know that was a thing until I met a woman that was insecure and grew up in a toxic household. I suddenly wanted to be her hero and give her everything she never had.

So what happened with her? Why did you break up?

Not sure if PP did break up. But, if he did, I wouldn't be surprised. Women who are insecure and grew up in toxic households aren't super good at relationships, as a rule.

So true!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being needed for common every day tasks gets old, can’t reach the top shelf? just get a stool and stop bothering me.

But the occasional side hug with a hand placed in the center of our chest when you tell us something good we do, have done, have made or have made you feel is enough to keep us chasing your approval for lack of a better term. One of these a month is enough to keep me working my ass off.

I'm 5'2 and my guy is 6'4. Of course he gets stuff off the top shelf. And I give him a hug after. I guess I win!

[Anonymous]

I know a guy like this. He always finds the woman who neeeeeeeds him, is emotionally fragile, etc. so he can swoop in and save the day. He's been living with the current one for a while. When people ask if they're going to get married, he says "why would I commit to someone so damaged?"