How to get over my fear of putting my kids in childcare
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Anonymous
A center can murder your kids too. Or there could be a mass shooting. |
Anonymous
+1. Seriously I don’t get why people think a daycare, whose caregivers you can’t vet, are safer than a nanny who you can check (references and background). |
Anonymous
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I had similar anxiety with my first. We found a daycare center with cameras. I had the camera up pretty much the whole day and whenever I got anxious I would see my baby - totally fine and not dead/choking/being hit.
I am a lot more relaxed with my 2nd. I have her at a daycare center without cameras and although I sometimes get anxiety, for the most part I've been fine. I was never comfortable with in home caregivers. Just rubbed me the wrong way. |
Anonymous
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No this is not a normal part of being a parent. You need help for your anxiety.
When my children were immobile infants, until I got to know the provider, I worried my baby would cry longer than I normally let them, that they wouldn’t change his diaper quickly enough, or that they would waste my hard earned pumped milk. I was quickly put at ease. If you have been home “a while” then your kids are old enough to communicate to you. Even a 2yr old can indicate whether they are happy and enjoy going to daycare to play with friends. |
Anonymous
Because at a center, they are never alone with your child. Any abuse or mistreatment would occur in front of other staff and children. |
Anonymous
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OP - I understand your fear. I was in your shoes a few years ago. Now, I can't live without our incredible daycare/preschool and the myriad benefits its had for both of our children. They are THRIVING with a community of carers that do things a little differently (safely!) than we do at home.
What helped me get past my intense fear was counseling. I really had to understand my trust issues and also mute all the people out there (including DCUM) that act as if daycare is synonymous with parental negligence. It's not. It can be great. Just find one that gives you a good feeling. |
Anonymous
OP - I’d start with therapy. There’s no way this is the only part of your life affected by anxiety. I’d be willing to bet you don’t have a social life outside of your family and that you struggle to live a normal life. |
Anonymous
| Joining a co-op preschool when my child was 2 helped me get over my anxiety. I got to know the parents, they got to know me, and I became comfortable leaving my child with someone else for a few hours at a time. But in your case I would start with a babysitter while you're still at home. When you've developed a rapport and feel comfortable, run a quick errand. Baby steps. |
Anonymous
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I'm not going to comment on prior posts, just my own experience at an in home daycare and later a full day preschool/daycare.
I have 3 kids. I got references and visited tons of daycares with the first before deciding on an in home, licensed daycare. They are required to have the right ratio of staff, all adults (including kids that are teens and up that live in the home) have background checks, the staff have mandatory training like MATs and CPR. The first kid, they didn't love him like I loved him, which was fine. They definitely loved and appreciated him and he had a great experience. My second kid, they loved like I loved him. Which was great but also no one disciplined that child and he's still something of an attitude monster. My third kid is there now. They may love her more than I love her. My kids receive(d) excellent, tailored care despite being not in my house and a business. Those are all mutually compatible. Later my kids go onto preschool but that is personal preference. I have used two smaller non-chain preschools and they were night and day as far as my kids experiences and again, the most you can do is vet, make a choice, and change that choice if you don't like it. |
Anonymous
I will add more details. My youngest is in his last year of preschool. My kids have been at 2 Bright Horizons locations, an in-home daycare, and a large church based full day preschool. When I was a new mom, I was not comfortable with an in-home because I didn’t know what to look for or what questions to ask. I liked Bright Horizons because the procedures and policies were all spelled out and I knew I had dependable care every day. I also knew there was a director to talk to if I had concerns. It was also $$$$$$. We had one location mainly staffed by older immigrants and I felt like a lot of the daily updates were lost in translation. I also thought they had specific ideas about feeding, swaddling, pacifiers that I didn’t agree with. They followed my instructions but made me feel like I was a pain in the butt and it made me doubt myself as a new mom. We went to a 2nd location when we moved and most of the workers were young Black women. They had a decent amount of turnover, but I had an easy time communicating with them and felt very comfortable with the care they provided. When my oldest started preschool, my youngest went to an in-home. In-home was the most loving, personalized care my kids had. Because it was a small group of kids, she had flexibility with the menu and nap schedules to adjust as needed to accommodate each kid. It felt like having a nanny or a loving grandmother. But there were schedule changes - if she was sick we were out of luck. Her home / play area was a bit shabby looking after a bright and shiny center, but there was so much love, my kid really thrived. Now we’re at a big preschool and the teachers are good, but the admin is disorganized and chaotic. The kids are happy and we’ll taken care of, but the experience for me as a parent leaves a lot to be desired. |
Anonymous
Plus there are cameras and surprise visitors from certifying agencies. I honestly don’t understand why people think a nanny at home by herself is safer than a high quality center. |
Anonymous
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Op, sounds like you have anxiety issues. I would go see a doctor about it.
I worried about my kids when they were little so I stayed home with them and once they turned 3 I sent them to Preschool. I am very protective and worry for them to the point that I developed anxiety during their tween years and by their Teens I started to have panic attacks. No Joke! I was always a "tomboy" and a risk taker but that changed after I had kids. I finally realized that it was me the problem and I take meds for it now....If you worry so much, Childcare will be the least of your problems. See a Doctor. |
Anonymous
I was a daycare teacher in the DMV for a few years in different centers. When I had children, I put them in a daycare center without hesitation. During my years, I never saw or heard of a child being abused or having any kind of serious injury. This doesn't mean it does not happen but it does mean it's the exception and not the rule. Most of the early years is focused on caregiving - feeding, changing, napping, shepherding kids outside, giving them toys to play with inside. Most people who work in daycare generally enjoy taking care of children. Those who don't, take the job and will generally quit in a few weeks or months. No one who hates it sticks around long. It's too easy to get a similar or higher pay job . Even retail pays better. Some teachers do yell, few directly yell at children, most just yell in general to get attention, to be heard over the din, to get attention outside. Some teachers play with kids a lot, others stand to the side and wait for kids to come over to them. Just different styles. Kids talk to each other throughout the day and as they get older, they look less and less to interact with the teachers and more and more with each other. I overheard some of the most fascinating conversations between kids at lunch time in the preschool rooms. Even toddlers figure out the routine quick and rely it on it know what is going on and when. Baby's learn from each other. Younger babies watch older ones and learn how a toy works or how to climb on something. Then eventually they do it themselves. Believe me, the teachers notice and applaud. There will be a ton of little moments throughout the day you don't see but your child does and gives them positive feelings about themselves and their teacher. The teacher who plays a little peek a boo game, the teacher who repeats a riddle with them, a teacher who does a special handshake, a teacher who calls the child by a cutesy nickname that makes the child feel special, a teacher who remembers a child's favorite menu item and let's them know it is going to be served, a teacher who tells them their favorite color is the color of the shirt the child is wearing, and so on. Visit a lot of centers, read reviews, go on the tour, but linger for a few minutes after you have left the room - just pretend to admire the artwork in the hallway, you can get a better idea of what goes in the classroom when they don't see visitors. Observe the playground for a few minutes from afar. |
Anonymous
| Good luck Op. You have to know in your heart that you are doing what you can for your kids, regardless of how judgey society can be. I never really got over it. I felt a little bit better about than most because kids were never in daycare more than 4-6 hours and often not every day. DH and I did the split shift style of parenting. He went to work late and I went really early. I remember often rushing home after work to get them so they wouldn't have stay there for what I considered to be late. When my kids were about 2, I felt better about it. I knew by then that they needed to be hanging out with peers. That guilt still lingers though, even though my kids are much older. |
Anonymous
| The care in your church nursery is likely way more subpar than your average daycare or nanny. |