How to get over my fear of putting my kids in childcare

[Anonymous]

I was far more comfortable with a licensed center than an in-home or individual provider. I wanted multiple eyes on my kid all day, including inspections and certification requirements.

We asked around, did visits, and ended up at a center near our home that I’d been walking by and seeing the providers and kids interact for years. My impression that it was safe and living was right-my kids thrived there. We still see staff from there around the neighborhood and they’re excited to see my kids (who are 8 and 11, so it’s been years since they were there.)

[Anonymous]

OP here.

Yes, I drive, and I know the risks with everything else: driving, riding a bike...

I do appreciate the concrete ideas...a full time nanny is out of the question $$$....and doesn't totally help, because nanny's can murder kids also.

I am looking into a center vs in home with one caretaker, because that makes me nervous (who is coming and going)?

[Anonymous]

My kids went to a smaller center - about 10 kids in each class - and it was great. It was small enough that every teacher knew my kids and vice versa. They were also super up on technology, with an app that they use to post pictures. They have cameras that the manager keeps an eye on. I never worried about my kids' safety, even my kid with food allergies.

I think the best thing is to look at a bunch of places and see which ones give you good vibes. Trust your senses. Where do the kids seem happy? Is there a lot of teacher turnover? In a lot of ways, I trust a daycare more than a nanny or in-home - there are more people around.

[Anonymous]

OMG, just get over it. Do you know how many millions of kids are in daycare? You only read about the extreme outliers. Most kids thrive in daycare. Your kids aren't special, they'll be fine, if you'll let them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids went to a smaller center - about 10 kids in each class - and it was great. It was small enough that every teacher knew my kids and vice versa. They were also super up on technology, with an app that they use to post pictures. They have cameras that the manager keeps an eye on. I never worried about my kids' safety, even my kid with food allergies.

I think the best thing is to look at a bunch of places and see which ones give you good vibes. Trust your senses. Where do the kids seem happy? Is there a lot of teacher turnover? In a lot of ways, I trust a daycare more than a nanny or in-home - there are more people around.

Yes, and if there's a medical emergency that happens to a teacher or something, a licensed daycare center will have an assistants in the room, for example, as well as office staff/directors that are constantly checking the rooms.

(There are some licensed in homes that have full-time assistants, too).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Yes, I drive, and I know the risks with everything else: driving, riding a bike...

I do appreciate the concrete ideas...a full time nanny is out of the question $$$....and doesn't totally help, because nanny's can murder kids also.

I am looking into a center vs in home with one caretaker, because that makes me nervous (who is coming and going)?

Center!!!! We did nanny, in home, and center, and in home was by far the worst experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG, just get over it. Do you know how many millions of kids are in daycare? You only read about the extreme outliers. Most kids thrive in daycare. Your kids aren't special, they'll be fine, if you'll let them.

Yep - it's the outlier stories that make headlines...just like airplane crashes, car accidents, food recalls, pedestrians killed, and all the other daily inherent risks that go wrong.

Having said that have you considered a nanny share. Seems to be the best of both worlds

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG, just get over it. Do you know how many millions of kids are in daycare? You only read about the extreme outliers. Most kids thrive in daycare. Your kids aren't special, they'll be fine, if you'll let them.

This. OP, you sound crazy. Please get help for your anxiety. The fact you’re this worried makes me wonder if YOU hurt your children? It’s just not normal to think like this.

[Anonymous]

Get recommendations, check for vibes. Licensed daycares have a ton of regulations to follow, so that may put you at ease.

[Anonymous]

OP - everything seems to be about YOU. The moms I know with anxiety about their kids and “strangers” all share this trait. I can’t share this with them candidly in real life, but can share here….stop making this all about you. You’re making decisions about your kids’ childcare based on your own emotions. Not considering what your kids actually need. Saying you need a childcare center because a nanny makes you nervous? I don’t see any consideration about what your child’s daily routine would look like. Instead, it’s all about your emotions.

These moms tend to overemphasize their own importance. Kids typically don’t care. Children usually just want to play with other kids and want attention. Your care isn’t so special and unique that a nanny can’t take care of your kids. Taking care of kids requires very little intelligence. It’s mostly physical labor and patience.

Again I’d try to start considering your children instead of making this all about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t trust anyone to be with my kids more than me

+1
My DH and I, and the rest of my family felt the same.

However, before becoming a SAHM, I had saved all my money from working before having kids and my DH earns very well. I am also secure and satisfied in all ways - in my marriage, life style, finances, social status, future etc. If you need the money then you need to work. I would prefer a daycare with cameras rather than a nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - everything seems to be about YOU. The moms I know with anxiety about their kids and “strangers” all share this trait. I can’t share this with them candidly in real life, but can share here….stop making this all about you. You’re making decisions about your kids’ childcare based on your own emotions. Not considering what your kids actually need. Saying you need a childcare center because a nanny makes you nervous? I don’t see any consideration about what your child’s daily routine would look like. Instead, it’s all about your emotions.

These moms tend to overemphasize their own importance. Kids typically don’t care. Children usually just want to play with other kids and want attention. Your care isn’t so special and unique that a nanny can’t take care of your kids. Taking care of kids requires very little intelligence. It’s mostly physical labor and patience.

Again I’d try to start considering your children instead of making this all about you.

I disagree. But the bolded statement actually explains a lot poorly raised kids in this country.

[Anonymous]

We had 4 separate daycare experiences.

ages 0-2: The center accepted drop offs (this was at a military center). I was a SAHM but dropped off occasionally. They would call me to pick up bc my child was crying and they could not comfort. Once, when I picked him up, I found him standing next to a provider just staring into space while he wailed. Unimpressed.

Age 2-3: Child was in a morning program. He was scared the first day. The next day, he went with running feet into the program. He was so excited to socialize, and the teacher was so special and kind; this was at a different military child care facility.

Ages 3-3.5: I had trepidation when I toured, but we had just move back to DC and I had no choice. Facility was on three levels, with the youngest kids on top, the threes in the middle, and the oldest kids in basement. Child liked it ok, but I would see teachers get snappy with kids from time to time, and DS would tell me that teachers were snappy. I think the teachers felt isolated on their separate floors, and the director was older and could not navigate stairs too well, so there was limited oversight.

Age 3.5-5: We moved to a larger center in a church. Something about the church layouts appeals to me - they are just bigger and more horizontal spaces. In our center, there was a 2, 3, 4 room all on the same floor with no closed doors, just baby gates. So I felt like the teachers were never "behind closed doors" with the kids and it was all very communal, open, and supportive. We adored this place, and especially for this age, was so glad to send my kiddo there to socialize and make friends and play with new toys instead of being stuck with a nanny all day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had 4 separate daycare experiences.

ages 0-2: The center accepted drop offs (this was at a military center). I was a SAHM but dropped off occasionally. They would call me to pick up bc my child was crying and they could not comfort. Once, when I picked him up, I found him standing next to a provider just staring into space while he wailed. Unimpressed.

Age 2-3: Child was in a morning program. He was scared the first day. The next day, he went with running feet into the program. He was so excited to socialize, and the teacher was so special and kind; this was at a different military child care facility.

Ages 3-3.5: I had trepidation when I toured, but we had just move back to DC and I had no choice. Facility was on three levels, with the youngest kids on top, the threes in the middle, and the oldest kids in basement. Child liked it ok, but I would see teachers get snappy with kids from time to time, and DS would tell me that teachers were snappy. I think the teachers felt isolated on their separate floors, and the director was older and could not navigate stairs too well, so there was limited oversight.

Age 3.5-5: We moved to a larger center in a church. Something about the church layouts appeals to me - they are just bigger and more horizontal spaces. In our center, there was a 2, 3, 4 room all on the same floor with no closed doors, just baby gates. So I felt like the teachers were never "behind closed doors" with the kids and it was all very communal, open, and supportive. We adored this place, and especially for this age, was so glad to send my kiddo there to socialize and make friends and play with new toys instead of being stuck with a nanny all day.

The centers that accept drop ins or have zero wait list in dc are usually the least desirable of the bunch. The good ones have wait lists and can fill their slots with reliable full time kids rather than drop ins.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Yes, I drive, and I know the risks with everything else: driving, riding a bike...

I do appreciate the concrete ideas...a full time nanny is out of the question $$$....and doesn't totally help, because nanny's can murder kids also.

I am looking into a center vs in home with one caretaker, because that makes me nervous (who is coming and going)?

Get help. Murdering kids? Really?