Senior year is apparently the worst year

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why many of us hire college counselors to work with our kids. They breakdown the process so it so it not too overwhelming, give assignments (first draft of xx essay), deadlines, etc.

Were you happy with your person and would you recommend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FCPS has been a slog since my kid entered kindergarten. My own school days were happy and fun, but now it just seems like school is something to endure until graduation. The competition, emphasis on grades rather than the joy of learning, pandemic stress, etc. means that it’s doubtful that many will look back fondly on their school years.

It’s sad.

I don’t disagree, but there are equally stressful pressures elsewhere, culturally. If your kid was in the high school my ILs kids go to, they’d be stressing over not making the cheer team, making homecoming or prom queen, generally more drinking, stressing over freshman sorority rush, and also feeling pressured to find a husband (I’m not joking).

Yikes!! Where do your ILs live?

Texas.

[Anonymous]

I love how the answer on DCUM is always to have your kid set their sights lower as a way of finding happiness. If you have a high stats kid who has a shot at a T10 school, is it always a better decision to throw away your lottery ticket? I agree that it's a fine decision to ED at somewhere a little safer to just be finished with the process, but if a kid wants to try to get into their dream school, I don't think that there's anything wrong with it. Most students at HYPS, etc. are there because they won a lottery. Is it better not to try??

My kid applied to 12 schools and it was a slog. Yes, it was a choice, but it was a slog nonetheless. 28 extra essays, doing extra essays/interviews when some of their target and match schools identified them as scholarship candidates, etc. At the end of it all, my kid got into two top schools. Was it worth some misery during senior year for him to reach for the stars, yes. But that doesn't mean that the process isn't absolutely miserable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love how the answer on DCUM is always to have your kid set their sights lower as a way of finding happiness. If you have a high stats kid who has a shot at a T10 school, is it always a better decision to throw away your lottery ticket? I agree that it's a fine decision to ED at somewhere a little safer to just be finished with the process, but if a kid wants to try to get into their dream school, I don't think that there's anything wrong with it. Most students at HYPS, etc. are there because they won a lottery. Is it better not to try??

My kid applied to 12 schools and it was a slog. Yes, it was a choice, but it was a slog nonetheless. 28 extra essays, doing extra essays/interviews when some of their target and match schools identified them as scholarship candidates, etc. At the end of it all, my kid got into two top schools. Was it worth some misery during senior year for him to reach for the stars, yes. But that doesn't mean that the process isn't absolutely miserable.

It's great that your kid got into these schools- congratulations.

But I think the issue is that- for way too many kids AND parents- there's a notion that these T10/T25/TWhatever schools are demonstrably, objectively better than other schools...which is simply not the case. There are many, many amazing schools/programs and what is the "best" school for person A's high stats (STEM-loving/shy/outdoorsy) kid may not be the best school for my high stats (city-loving/bibliophile/humanities) kid.

And then these same kids/parents define a "dream" school as basically any T10 school--which doesn't make any sense...MIT is a very different school than Dartmouth, which is a very different school than Columbia. If your kid really, truly LOVES MIT, then they should absolutely apply there (and maybe Caltech)...but they should also visit/fall in love with a host of other STEM-focused schools/programs so that if they don't get into MIT/Caltech, they are in at another school that they love that is a great fit for their interests, rather than rejected from all the other lottery schools (many of which were not great fits anyway but simply checked the prestige box).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love how the answer on DCUM is always to have your kid set their sights lower as a way of finding happiness. If you have a high stats kid who has a shot at a T10 school, is it always a better decision to throw away your lottery ticket? I agree that it's a fine decision to ED at somewhere a little safer to just be finished with the process, but if a kid wants to try to get into their dream school, I don't think that there's anything wrong with it. Most students at HYPS, etc. are there because they won a lottery. Is it better not to try??

My kid applied to 12 schools and it was a slog. Yes, it was a choice, but it was a slog nonetheless. 28 extra essays, doing extra essays/interviews when some of their target and match schools identified them as scholarship candidates, etc. At the end of it all, my kid got into two top schools. Was it worth some misery during senior year for him to reach for the stars, yes. But that doesn't mean that the process isn't absolutely miserable.

Yes. I am the poster w/ the kid who applied to 14. Yes, the target scholarship essays & interviews -- forgot about those! Also thought her top admits were worth the slog, but, yes, it was a slog. I agree that too many kids apply just for prestige, but for a kid who has a lot of interests, the Ivy schools, especially those that focus on undergraduates, are appealing. Mine applied to Brown, Princeton and Dartmouth, which may seem weird to some, but they all offered breadth and flexibility in curriculum, and each had some unique qualities in areas of interest. And, it's a good thing she did. Her admit percentage for Ivy League/top 10 schools was much higher than her admit percentage for top 20 LACs. It was a wacky cycle. Glad it's over, and now bring on the fun!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why many of us hire college counselors to work with our kids. They breakdown the process so it so it not too overwhelming, give assignments (first draft of xx essay), deadlines, etc.

Best $5K I ever spent. DD got into her top 10 first choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, largely toxic adults. Every time we see a friend, they will say things like DC is Harvard bound. Even though we know there is very little chance (almost perfect stat, national awards, incredible ECs, leadership). I just want it cut all those adults out of our lives. Those sad puppy words that they are sorry. I mean why? DC will be going to a great school and we are not allowed to be happy. I know. Don’t take their words. But one adult after another and another. These adults are toxic.

I don’t understand what you are trying to say here. What are “sad puppy words?” And who is Harvard-bound (or not Harvard-bound)? Your child or the children of the sad puppy word users? And why do you feel that you are not allowed to be happy? You can be happy any time you want to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why many of us hire college counselors to work with our kids. They breakdown the process so it so it not too overwhelming, give assignments (first draft of xx essay), deadlines, etc.

THIS^^^. If you can afford this privilege it is extremely helpful! The college counselor can be the one nagging your kid to complete the next step of process. They will keep your kid on a decent schedule so by Thanksgiving you have completed all EA/ED and are well underway with the rest of your RD applications. Basically, they will get your kid essentially finished by Thanksgiving so you can have a bit less stress during December (until the ED results return)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, largely toxic adults. Every time we see a friend, they will say things like DC is Harvard bound. Even though we know there is very little chance (almost perfect stat, national awards, incredible ECs, leadership). I just want it cut all those adults out of our lives. Those sad puppy words that they are sorry. I mean why? DC will be going to a great school and we are not allowed to be happy. I know. Don’t take their words. But one adult after another and another. These adults are toxic.

So sorry! Sounds like you need to avoid these friends for now. Or just nod smile and say that's great. Don't let them take your kid and family's excitement away about your child's pending college experience! Just say "DC is so excited they are attending XYZ". You hit nail on head that much of these issues is caused by Parents who are living vicariously through where their kids will attend. They are the ones with issues and need to get over it.

Ultimately you know your kid will be happy with their choice. Look around you at work and in life, majority of people did not attend elite schools and are doing just fine succeeding in life. And those that did are not really any smarter/more successful than the others (unless you are in Banking where the connections do actually matter or Private Equity where your undergrad and MBA locations apparently matter).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FCPS has been a slog since my kid entered kindergarten. My own school days were happy and fun, but now it just seems like school is something to endure until graduation. The competition, emphasis on grades rather than the joy of learning, pandemic stress, etc. means that it’s doubtful that many will look back fondly on their school years.

It’s sad.

I don’t disagree, but there are equally stressful pressures elsewhere, culturally. If your kid was in the high school my ILs kids go to, they’d be stressing over not making the cheer team, making homecoming or prom queen, generally more drinking, stressing over freshman sorority rush, and also feeling pressured to find a husband (I’m not joking).

Good reality check.

We live in a bubble, but I prefer our bubble to what you describe!

Definately. And we live in a bubble where we can begin to make some changes. My own kid chose not to take AP Eng/History and stick to 7 AP STEMs and AP Psych (because it seemed fun and has a great teacher). Know what---the school my kid will be attending (and the 2nd choice as well) require you to take their version of Core curriculum at the university (Top 30 and top 40 schools). So the only reason my kid would have taken AP ENG/History was for college credit and to "boost college applications". Kid smartly decided to focus on what she loves (dance---15-25 hours/week) and taking 4 AP STEMS a year is enough (sleep needs to happen sometime). She has landed where she needs to be---yes, she had 2-3 "higher ranked"/more selective schools she was WL at or rejected, but ultimately she had a HS career doing what she loved, taking challenging classes in areas that actually interest her and she is still attending a GREAT university.

Would having taken 2-4 extra AP courses have helped her get into those 3 slightly more selective schools? Maybe, we will never actually know. What I do know is that my kid WOULD have been miserable and have only slept 2-3 hours each night (vs 5-6 hours)if she had taken those AP courses. She would have been incredibly stressed and had less time on weekends to socialize (what little socialization happened given covid was most of her HS experience). IMO, it would not have been worth it. She will succeed in life wherever she is, and she has still landed at a great university that was her 2nd choice from the moment she stepped foot on the campus (2nd only to her ED school).

So now I tell parents to let their kids select the courses they want, don't overload APs (unless your kid actually wants that and will still be able to function/sleep/socialize/etc). Burn your kid out in HS and they might get into your dream school but could easily burn out and be miserable at college. Keep the end goal in mind--which is to get a degree and be prepared for life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love how the answer on DCUM is always to have your kid set their sights lower as a way of finding happiness. If you have a high stats kid who has a shot at a T10 school, is it always a better decision to throw away your lottery ticket? I agree that it's a fine decision to ED at somewhere a little safer to just be finished with the process, but if a kid wants to try to get into their dream school, I don't think that there's anything wrong with it. Most students at HYPS, etc. are there because they won a lottery. Is it better not to try??

My kid applied to 12 schools and it was a slog. Yes, it was a choice, but it was a slog nonetheless. 28 extra essays, doing extra essays/interviews when some of their target and match schools identified them as scholarship candidates, etc. At the end of it all, my kid got into two top schools. Was it worth some misery during senior year for him to reach for the stars, yes. But that doesn't mean that the process isn't absolutely miserable.

It depends---Who actually has their sights set on the T10 school? The kid, or is it really the parents pushing it and the kid just wants to please mommy/daddy?
Because going thru that process with 28 extra essays if the kid would actually be happier at a T50 school seems like unnecessary stress.

If it's the kid truly driving the process, then go for it. But just make sure you kid realizes that even with high stats, it really is a "lottery", unless they have an amazing hook. So be sure to select several REAL targets and Safety schools that your kid would be thrilled to attend. Set the expectations well, so that if all 12 send rejections, your kid isn't devastated come April 1.

Also have discussions regarding finances well ahead of time, and make sure your real targets and safeties include ones you can actually afford as a family. And if you could not possibly afford those 12 elite schools (and aren't eligible for financial aid) then explain that to your kid. I wouldn't want to put in all that work for a lottery, to only win the lottery and then be told "sorry but we can't afford it".

For example, my kid applied to 12 schools: got accepted at 8, waitlisted at 1, ultimately rejected from ED after being deferred and rejected from 2 Ivies (which kid didn't really want to attend). So in reality, my kid applied to 10, accepted at 6 and WL at 1 and rejected at ED choice ultimately. That's because we worked to select real Targets (with acceptance rates over 25%) and real safeties (with acceptance rates over 50%) that my kid actually liked. That's how it should be if you have a wide selection of schools in all tiers.

My kid would have been excited to attend 1 of their true safeties and actually considered it until March acceptance at school they will be attending.

[Anonymous]

I'm the PP who asked about why kids shouldn't aim high if they want to.

My DS made the choice of where to apply with the guidance of his college counselor and my husband and me (mostly to discuss costs). Again, I find it odd that many posters assume that any kid who applies to a T10 school must be being pressured by their parents to do so. He did not blanket the T10, but applied selectively to several schools that had the programs and the culture he was interested in. I absolutely agree that a kid who dreams of attending Brown, might not be so happy at Princeton, and if a kid applies to all T10 schools, it's likely more a prestige-grab than anything else.

My DS had the same experience as other posters. Rejected or WL by every single match (except UVA) and much better results at more selective schools. And, he had plenty of demonstrated interest at those matches.

Strange and difficult process. I'm glad it's finished.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the PP who asked about why kids shouldn't aim high if they want to.

My DS made the choice of where to apply with the guidance of his college counselor and my husband and me (mostly to discuss costs). Again, I find it odd that many posters assume that any kid who applies to a T10 school must be being pressured by their parents to do so. He did not blanket the T10, but applied selectively to several schools that had the programs and the culture he was interested in. I absolutely agree that a kid who dreams of attending Brown, might not be so happy at Princeton, and if a kid applies to all T10 schools, it's likely more a prestige-grab than anything else.

My DS had the same experience as other posters. Rejected or WL by every single match (except UVA) and much better results at more selective schools. And, he had plenty of demonstrated interest at those matches.

Strange and difficult process. I'm glad it's finished.

Simply because in my experience, many of the kids who are targeting 10 of the top 20 are being driven by Parents. If it's the kids desire, then that's great. But be sure to include several targets and Reaches that your kid is actually excited about as well. I just hate when it comes April and kids are "depressed" because they dont' have any real choices because they and their parents actually thought T20 schools can be targets/safeties (hint they aren't)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FCPS has been a slog since my kid entered kindergarten. My own school days were happy and fun, but now it just seems like school is something to endure until graduation. The competition, emphasis on grades rather than the joy of learning, pandemic stress, etc. means that it’s doubtful that many will look back fondly on their school years.

It’s sad.

I don’t disagree, but there are equally stressful pressures elsewhere, culturally. If your kid was in the high school my ILs kids go to, they’d be stressing over not making the cheer team, making homecoming or prom queen, generally more drinking, stressing over freshman sorority rush, and also feeling pressured to find a husband (I’m not joking).

Good reality check.

We live in a bubble, but I prefer our bubble to what you describe!

Definately. And we live in a bubble where we can begin to make some changes. My own kid chose not to take AP Eng/History and stick to 7 AP STEMs and AP Psych (because it seemed fun and has a great teacher). Know what---the school my kid will be attending (and the 2nd choice as well) require you to take their version of Core curriculum at the university (Top 30 and top 40 schools). So the only reason my kid would have taken AP ENG/History was for college credit and to "boost college applications". Kid smartly decided to focus on what she loves (dance---15-25 hours/week) and taking 4 AP STEMS a year is enough (sleep needs to happen sometime). She has landed where she needs to be---yes, she had 2-3 "higher ranked"/more selective schools she was WL at or rejected, but ultimately she had a HS career doing what she loved, taking challenging classes in areas that actually interest her and she is still attending a GREAT university.

Would having taken 2-4 extra AP courses have helped her get into those 3 slightly more selective schools? Maybe, we will never actually know. What I do know is that my kid WOULD have been miserable and have only slept 2-3 hours each night (vs 5-6 hours)if she had taken those AP courses. She would have been incredibly stressed and had less time on weekends to socialize (what little socialization happened given covid was most of her HS experience). IMO, it would not have been worth it. She will succeed in life wherever she is, and she has still landed at a great university that was her 2nd choice from the moment she stepped foot on the campus (2nd only to her ED school).

So now I tell parents to let their kids select the courses they want, don't overload APs (unless your kid actually wants that and will still be able to function/sleep/socialize/etc). Burn your kid out in HS and they might get into your dream school but could easily burn out and be miserable at college. Keep the end goal in mind--which is to get a degree and be prepared for life.

My kid chose a very similar path to yours.

Remember they are learning how to "be," so life balance is an important habit to encourage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the PP who asked about why kids shouldn't aim high if they want to.

My DS made the choice of where to apply with the guidance of his college counselor and my husband and me (mostly to discuss costs). Again, I find it odd that many posters assume that any kid who applies to a T10 school must be being pressured by their parents to do so. He did not blanket the T10, but applied selectively to several schools that had the programs and the culture he was interested in. I absolutely agree that a kid who dreams of attending Brown, might not be so happy at Princeton, and if a kid applies to all T10 schools, it's likely more a prestige-grab than anything else.

My DS had the same experience as other posters. Rejected or WL by every single match (except UVA) and much better results at more selective schools. And, he had plenty of demonstrated interest at those matches.

Strange and difficult process. I'm glad it's finished.

I don't think it is always the case that the parents pressured the kid...but I think when your read about overly depressed kids who have solid options, often the parent did not do a good job of helping the kids see college and this whole process in perspective. They drank the kool aid and let the kid take too many AP's, too little sleep, choose activities based upon building an inauthentic resume, paid consultants to boost adequate test scores and polish essays that were fine coming from a 17 year old. When you do all of that, your kid can figure out what you want their outcome to be. So, while you may not have pressured them with words...your actions spoke volumes.