Play dates at a messy house?

[Anonymous]

Biweekly house cleaners. You and the rest of the family will have to periodically control the clutter so they can have surfaces to clean, but they’ll do all the deep cleaning on floors, kitchen, bathrooms, etc. Then all you have to do on a daily basis is monitor clutter and take care of major messes.

But I’d suggest reminding your husband to clean his spills and other messes, rather than doing it for him. Not noticing is one thing, refusing is another.

[Anonymous]

How old are your kids Op? I assume they're old enough for drop off so you don't have to worry too much about the criticisms of parents. And the kids don't really notice messy as much as you think you do. They see it as a fun house.

Plus, we limit playdates to outside, main floor, and basement. Upstairs bedrooms off limits - so that is 1 less area I worry about not spending time and energy tidying up or wiping down the bathroom.

[Anonymous]

OP I don’t really know the personal state of your house, but o grew up in an immaculate house. No one’s house was as clean or organized as mine.

And I never cared or was bothered. The first time I saw a lot of clutter in a room, I was a little shocked, as in “what happened here” but then I caught on clutter do some degree is in most houses.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you need to do a deep clean/organization day. You have too many possessions - pare down and weed out the junk and toss or donate it. If you can't take care of your things, you have too many things. Then after de-cluttering, get cleaners in to do a deep clean. Control the amount of crap that comes through the doors after that.

Once you deep clean, just do 20 minutes of maintenance a day. Vacuum, dust, de-clutter, etc on a rotating schedule. It doesn't have to be perfect, but living in messy house can affect your mental health IMO. I can't think straight when my house is a disaster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you need to do a deep clean/organization day. You have too many possessions - pare down and weed out the junk and toss or donate it. If you can't take care of your things, you have too many things. Then after de-cluttering, get cleaners in to do a deep clean. Control the amount of crap that comes through the doors after that.

Once you deep clean, just do 20 minutes of maintenance a day. Vacuum, dust, de-clutter, etc on a rotating schedule. It doesn't have to be perfect, but living in messy house can affect your mental health IMO. I can't think straight when my house is a disaster.

And I would insist that your husband and children help for 10-15 minutes per day. DH doesn't get pass for autism - sorry. He needs to do his fair share. Teach your kids to help as well. If mom is the only one who clean/takes care of the house, what kind of example does that set?

[Anonymous]

I agree with PPs who think you just need to get back on track: hire a house cleaner for a deep clean job, assign everyone in your family chores, use the website Flylady to see strategies for cleaning “zones” of you house.

[Anonymous]

You can’t just have spills everywhere.
Can your DH keep his eating to the kitchen/dining room only?
Maybe you need one of those houses with a “front parlor” that’s untouched except for when guests come over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the key is to not let the perfect be the enemy of the good. Stuff I wouldn't not care about includes toys strewn around the house (I have kids, I get it), stacks of mail or other paperwork around, dusty surfaces, especially bookshelves and other surfaces that don't get used as much, most other clutter, etc.

These are the things I'd judge or would make me uncomfortable walking into someone else's house:

- Trash that smells bad. It takes one minute to take out the trash.
- Visibly dirty dishes around. A few near or in the sink wouldn't bug me, but anything that has been sitting out for hours is gross to me. Especially in any room outside the kitchen.
- Dirty floors. Run a vacuum or broom right before people come over. You can just do the main areas or the ones that look dirtiest, and you don't have to do a thorough job. Just good enough.
- Dirty toilets. You can clean a toilet in 2-3 minutes. And you only have to do the bathroom they will use!
- Messy surfaces, especially food mess. Just wipe down counters and tables before people come over. I recommend getting a good smelling multi-purpose spray (I like Mrs. Meyers) because it will also make the house smell a bit better.

Also I second the suggestion to open windows. A lot of my suggestions relate to making sure the house smells reasonably fresh and I think that's big. No one wants to go into someone else's house that smells of trash or last night's dinner or is just kind of stale smelling. Some clean laundry sitting in the a basket waiting to be folded? No big deal, it probably smells good!

+1 with also a nod to 21:07.

In addition to hiring out (or not), work with your DH on being more conscientious. His behavior is not okay- autistic or not- and you shouldn't be shouldering all of this yourself. You shouldn't even need to but start by assigning him chores/zones. Putting a band-aid on it by hiring someone doesn't address the underlying issues and just enables the behavior. If your house is dirty, don't have company and meet elsewhere-park, whatever. And no, I am not a super neat freak with a white-everything house who wraps everything in plastic and doesn't let people touch things.

+2

There are lots of suggestions in this thread for solving the overall cleaning problem. It's okay to have kids over when your house is messy/cluttered/dusty, but at a minimum, you need to clean the bathroom and kitchen counters/table/chairs/dished so that your guests have a clean and sanitized space to sit and eat a snack. I can still picture a friends house from when I was 10 - counters piled high with all sorts of stuff - papers, toys, food, dishes, trash and the 6-8 inches of counter space sticky with jelly, dried juice, crumbs, unknown crud. Uh, no, I don't want a snack. Remember that kids are eyeball level with the counters - they see it all up close!

[Anonymous]

I HATE going to immaculate houses. I grew up in one and don't like it. People who say they won't bring their kids to a dirty or cluttered house are likely similar to my parents, and I feel bad for their kids. The line for me would be if there's like beer bottles/cigarettes/medicine type things lying around. Dangerous stuff. Otherwise, I don't care if your dishes are piled high and your toilet is a little gross. I'd probably even wipe down the toilet and sink for you while I use it and feel good about myself for doing it.

[Anonymous]

I mean kids don't care that much, plus you can shuffle them outside, but I would at least try to use it as motivation to at least get the basic stuff picked up and sanitary surfaces wiped off (like bathroom, and kitchen surfaces). For me, I'm always amused and kind of happy to see houses that are a bit messy because I feel like everytime I go to a new family's house its immaculate, and it makes me feel like having slight mess makes ME the weird one, even though I actually keep a pretty neat and clean house! But like where is the pile of shoes and backpacks by the door? lol

[Anonymous]

Housecleaning is both the least important thing and very important.

Hiring cleaners periodically is a good idea even if you don’t think you can keep it up. It will still keep the base level of grime in check.