Play dates at a messy house?

[Anonymous]

Meet outside. Nobody wants to be uncomfortable in a dirty house. I dont even like messy houses. I get a messy playroom but not house. Get it together before you invite people over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If everything in your house has been cleaned at some point in the past month, and dishes have been cleaned in the last 48 hours, there is nothing you need to do for me and my family that takes more than 5-10 mins. Throw dirty dishes in the sink, clear off food that’s out, take care of anything smelly or sticky (trash, spills, dishes that have been sitting out a long time) and make sure there’s TP in the bathroom. The end.

If everything isn’t getting cleaned monthly (sweep/vacuum/bathrooms/dusting/etc) I think you need to adjust your priorities. Assuming your house isn’t huge, you can get a monthly cleaner for a couple hundred bucks a month and you should.

You need to clean more than once a month.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meet outside. Nobody wants to be uncomfortable in a dirty house. I dont even like messy houses. I get a messy playroom but not house. Get it together before you invite people over.

Not everyone is uncomfortable in a dirty house. I've worked in hundreds of homes and the only things that ever bothered me were dirty toilet seat and cat piss on the floor if I had to sit on it. I've been in immaculate homes and filthy homes and could care less how people live. I usually felt more comfortable as an outsider in a messy home. Don't be so quick to judge people. Not everyone has the means or time to keep everything perfect and frankly some people just don't share the same priorities as you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the key is to not let the perfect be the enemy of the good. Stuff I wouldn't not care about includes toys strewn around the house (I have kids, I get it), stacks of mail or other paperwork around, dusty surfaces, especially bookshelves and other surfaces that don't get used as much, most other clutter, etc.

These are the things I'd judge or would make me uncomfortable walking into someone else's house:

- Trash that smells bad. It takes one minute to take out the trash.
- Visibly dirty dishes around. A few near or in the sink wouldn't bug me, but anything that has been sitting out for hours is gross to me. Especially in any room outside the kitchen.
- Dirty floors. Run a vacuum or broom right before people come over. You can just do the main areas or the ones that look dirtiest, and you don't have to do a thorough job. Just good enough.
- Dirty toilets. You can clean a toilet in 2-3 minutes. And you only have to do the bathroom they will use!
- Messy surfaces, especially food mess. Just wipe down counters and tables before people come over. I recommend getting a good smelling multi-purpose spray (I like Mrs. Meyers) because it will also make the house smell a bit better.

Also I second the suggestion to open windows. A lot of my suggestions relate to making sure the house smells reasonably fresh and I think that's big. No one wants to go into someone else's house that smells of trash or last night's dinner or is just kind of stale smelling. Some clean laundry sitting in the a basket waiting to be folded? No big deal, it probably smells good!

+1 with also a nod to 21:07.

In addition to hiring out (or not), work with your DH on being more conscientious. His behavior is not okay- autistic or not- and you shouldn't be shouldering all of this yourself. You shouldn't even need to but start by assigning him chores/zones. Putting a band-aid on it by hiring someone doesn't address the underlying issues and just enables the behavior. If your house is dirty, don't have company and meet elsewhere-park, whatever. And no, I am not a super neat freak with a white-everything house who wraps everything in plastic and doesn't let people touch things.

[Anonymous]

We have been to a few dirty/messy houses. I don’t care. My kids don’t care.

I remember going to one person’s house and their kitchen had food everywhere and the sink was overflowing. Their dining room had so much clutter, like papers 2 feet high. Their family room had board games piled like 8 ft high. I didn’t even realize you could have so much clutter. Their couches had so much stuff on it that there was nowhere to sit. We still had a great time.

We keep an immaculate house. I feel like sometimes people don’t invite us over after coming to our house because our house is too clean. My kids tidy up before they have friends over. Our common areas like the kitchen, living room and family room are always clean.

[Anonymous]

I’ll give you the opposite problem: my house is immaculate and we don’t have people because I’m too afraid of the mess.

[Anonymous]

If it is just a kid, have your child clean their room and/or play areas. You can do a quick bathroom clean. When kid arrives, clean up the kitchen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have been to a few dirty/messy houses. I don’t care. My kids don’t care.

I remember going to one person’s house and their kitchen had food everywhere and the sink was overflowing. Their dining room had so much clutter, like papers 2 feet high. Their family room had board games piled like 8 ft high. I didn’t even realize you could have so much clutter. Their couches had so much stuff on it that there was nowhere to sit. We still had a great time.

We keep an immaculate house. I feel like sometimes people don’t invite us over after coming to our house because our house is too clean. My kids tidy up before they have friends over. Our common areas like the kitchen, living room and family room are always clean.

And you remembered that house too…my point is to at least attempt amd dont assime people are ok with mess. And teach your kids to clean!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meet outside. Nobody wants to be uncomfortable in a dirty house. I dont even like messy houses. I get a messy playroom but not house. Get it together before you invite people over.

+1

[Anonymous]

There is clutter and then, there is a DISASTER area. I have been personally invited to a home and it was crazy messy! I felt the need to check my calendar to see if I showed up on the correct day. They are nice people and have very nice children, but I imagine this level of mess will be problematic for the kids. They have to know that their house looks different. Hoping some posters can discuss growing up in a messy home (maybe hoarder?) and how that affected them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is clutter and then, there is a DISASTER area. I have been personally invited to a home and it was crazy messy! I felt the need to check my calendar to see if I showed up on the correct day. They are nice people and have very nice children, but I imagine this level of mess will be problematic for the kids. They have to know that their house looks different. Hoping some posters can discuss growing up in a messy home (maybe hoarder?) and how that affected them.

OP here.

My college roommate’s mom was a hoarder. I visited their house once and it was unlike anything I’d ever seen. Her mom was on medication for mental illness so I think she was trying. My roommate told me that before I visited, she and her dad had taken two station wagons full of stuff to Goodwill. I still could barely walk. The living room was unusable - it was just a storage area.

My roommate could never have play dates at her house but did have some good friends growing up. She was very social in college and I think getting out of her house helped her.

My house isn’t like my roommates but having known her makes me extra worried for my kids growing up in a messy house.

[Anonymous]

OP, for the record, as a potential invitee, I solemnly swear I wouldn't judge.

[Anonymous]

Just spend 45 min putting things away. Clean the bathroom. Some people are messy and some are organized for a million different reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just clean the bathroom and vacuum up any pet hair. Normal people will not judge you for anything else.

Yes they will. Dirty and messy/cluttered are totally different.

OP bathrooms, vacuuming and wiping up spills/stickiness etc. are a must.

I have taken my kid to many houses, some spotless and some cluttered, and these two are the deal-breakers to me. Dirty toilet and sink, or dog hair covering everything, and I want to run screaming. I don't care about toys all over the floor or a little spilled oatmeal.
I have a friend who I KNOW intimidates other moms with her perfect house. I've heard them talking about how they were afraid to invite her and her kids over. She has also complained that no one ever reciprocates with playdates. So that's a thing too!

[Anonymous]

Nope, my kids won’t be going to a messy house for extended periods. There is no difference between dirty and cluttered, except to people who are both. Cluttered means you can’t clean. Your house is dirty. Clean it, or pay someone to.