Play dates at a messy house?

[Anonymous]

I work in health care in-person. I come home exhausted every day. It may not be a good fit for me in many ways, but I do well at work.

I don’t do well with housework and DH, who works from home, is mildly autistic and doesn’t notice when he spills something. Before kids, I spent every evening cleaning and cleaning after him.

My house is a disaster and I don’t have the energy to deal with it anymore. My kids want to have play dates but I worry they’ll lose their friends if they see our house.

What can I do to fix this situation?

[Anonymous]

Wipe up anything sticky, mold, or dusty. Open the windows, sweep if you have a dog. Ask kid/partner to help with very specific aspects. Messy is fun, dirty is uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the PP - cluttered but not dirty! We went through a hard time in February and March, where the house was an ungodly mess. I still invited DD's best friend over, and her parents, when picking her up, seemed to be fine with it. Now I'm feeling better and have started Spring cleaning - our house feels like a home again!

I too have a husband who doesn't see the mess and doesn't lift a finger in the house. I'm not able to have housecleaners right now, but if you can dot that, go for it. It will force you to declutter weekly, but they will take the actual burden of cleaning of your shoulders.

[Anonymous]

Just clean the bathroom and vacuum up any pet hair. Normal people will not judge you for anything else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just clean the bathroom and vacuum up any pet hair. Normal people will not judge you for anything else.

Yes they will. Dirty and messy/cluttered are totally different.

OP bathrooms, vacuuming and wiping up spills/stickiness etc. are a must.

[Anonymous]

Better at your house than at some uptight neat freak’s who won’t let kids do anything but sit quietly and look at picture books.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Better at your house than at some uptight neat freak’s who won’t let kids do anything but sit quietly and look at picture books.

Her house is DIRTY

[Anonymous]

I think the key is to not let the perfect be the enemy of the good. Stuff I wouldn't not care about includes toys strewn around the house (I have kids, I get it), stacks of mail or other paperwork around, dusty surfaces, especially bookshelves and other surfaces that don't get used as much, most other clutter, etc.

These are the things I'd judge or would make me uncomfortable walking into someone else's house:

- Trash that smells bad. It takes one minute to take out the trash.
- Visibly dirty dishes around. A few near or in the sink wouldn't bug me, but anything that has been sitting out for hours is gross to me. Especially in any room outside the kitchen.
- Dirty floors. Run a vacuum or broom right before people come over. You can just do the main areas or the ones that look dirtiest, and you don't have to do a thorough job. Just good enough.
- Dirty toilets. You can clean a toilet in 2-3 minutes. And you only have to do the bathroom they will use!
- Messy surfaces, especially food mess. Just wipe down counters and tables before people come over. I recommend getting a good smelling multi-purpose spray (I like Mrs. Meyers) because it will also make the house smell a bit better.

Also I second the suggestion to open windows. A lot of my suggestions relate to making sure the house smells reasonably fresh and I think that's big. No one wants to go into someone else's house that smells of trash or last night's dinner or is just kind of stale smelling. Some clean laundry sitting in the a basket waiting to be folded? No big deal, it probably smells good!

[Anonymous]

Meet friends at a park.

[Anonymous]

Can you afford a monthly cleaner?

[Anonymous]

So I have a friend with a messy dirty cluttered house. I can’t go there, I have anxiety/ocd and it makes me agitated. She knows this. We do stuff out with the kids or she comes to my house. Now, having said that, we both belong to a moms group. She hosts an event at her house every single month for the moms and kids, usually some kind of craft, art type play date and people love it!! It’s one of the most well attended events we have. So OP not everyone will care. Let your kids have friends over, be welcoming.

[Anonymous]

Just make sure the toilet is clean and the dishes are mostly done and your house doesn't smell like cat piss and you'll be fine.

[Anonymous]

Ideally, a monthly or bi-monthly cleaner.

But if that's not an option, the minimum for a play date, in my opinion (and I can be a messy person) is -
Empty kitchen and bathroom trash
Wipe down sink and toilet, quick swipe with a toilet brush for the bathroom that would be used
Do dishes
Vacuum main floor
Open windows

[Anonymous]

If everything else is great about you and your family, I'd just have your kids over to my house, and make sure they either don't make messes here (our house is the opposite of yours) or that your kids learn to clean up messes they DO make here.

[Anonymous]

If everything in your house has been cleaned at some point in the past month, and dishes have been cleaned in the last 48 hours, there is nothing you need to do for me and my family that takes more than 5-10 mins. Throw dirty dishes in the sink, clear off food that’s out, take care of anything smelly or sticky (trash, spills, dishes that have been sitting out a long time) and make sure there’s TP in the bathroom. The end.

If everything isn’t getting cleaned monthly (sweep/vacuum/bathrooms/dusting/etc) I think you need to adjust your priorities. Assuming your house isn’t huge, you can get a monthly cleaner for a couple hundred bucks a month and you should.