Oldest sister jealous of me and DH. How to deal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you secretly look down on your DH?

This is OP. No. Why would I? Where did I even indicate that? He’s the best.

But do you really, truly see him as your equal? Be honest. I feel like if you really did, you would have blasted your sister or cut her off after she insulted him the first time.

OP. Why would I not? I’m just non-confrontational.

Many people are but there’s a point at which even the most non confrontational person would get pissed enough to fight back, and that’s usually when your loved ones are being attacked or insulted. If even that doesn’t get a rise out of you, you probably don’t care enough about them to defend them.

Just because family passive aggressively attacks one’s spouse doesn’t mean you don’t care about them. Families say discouraging things about spouses all the time; that has nothing to do with the spouse themselves. What you’re describing sounds like a personal problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You deal by cutting her off. Repeated racist remarks towards my DH or my children would get any family member cut out of my life, and it doesn't even sound like you're close with this sister. I can't believe this is even a question.

THIS THIS THIS

Except I understand why it would be a question.

And yet! The answer is still the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
So instead of creating a thread about how racist she is, which is the mammoth in the room (forget about the elephant), you complain that she minimizes your financial achievements?

I mean, it's terrible of YOU to let her say those things. I hope you're cutting her off because of her racist views. The rest isn't even comparable.

Agree.

OP I would reduce contact but explain why.

Perhaps Tell her if she agrees to knock off the racist barbs and other hurtful comments, you can restart. She needs to understand, you need to protect your DC and DH from ugly racism.

She needs clear boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you secretly look down on your DH?

This is OP. No. Why would I? Where did I even indicate that? He’s the best.

But do you really, truly see him as your equal? Be honest. I feel like if you really did, you would have blasted your sister or cut her off after she insulted him the first time.

OP. Why would I not? I’m just non-confrontational.

Many people are but there’s a point at which even the most non confrontational person would get pissed enough to fight back, and that’s usually when your loved ones are being attacked or insulted. If even that doesn’t get a rise out of you, you probably don’t care enough about them to defend them.

Just because family passive aggressively attacks one’s spouse doesn’t mean you don’t care about them. Families say discouraging things about spouses all the time; that has nothing to do with the spouse themselves. What you’re describing sounds like a personal problem.

Doesn’t seem like a passive aggressive attack, OP describes it as direct. The spouse is obviously not the problem. The problem is OP’s sister and that OP stays silent as her sister casually attacks her DH and kid.