What is the psychology behind being attracted to your kid’s coach/teacher?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Similar to the crushes women get on their male gynecologists when pregnant....it's seeing the nurturing and care I think.

+1

When my brother would be out with our infant son, toddler, it was crazy how many women would hit on him. We used to jokingly call my kids 'bait' for him.

My husband was Coach for both of my kids through elementary school and he had a literal fan club of mothers around him at every practice and game. It was rather ridiculous.

I do think it kicks up some nurture instinct in women. They see a 'kind man', good with children and strong in other ways and it sends biology in to over-drive. Now if that woman is in a bad marriage or has a husband that isn't that involved with their own children, then it is even more ratcheted up.

For some tiger moms, the flattering of Coach/teacher thing is a way to get their kids 'ahead' and not related to their attraction.

I should add both my husband and brother are very attractive. Brother happens to be a teacher too.

Sometimes it has nothing to do with their profession or that they interact with their kid. It's just that the teacher is hot. Men fun into the same thing with their kids' teacher. The element of 'scolding a bad boy' may be there too. Lol

Really? My kids play lots of team sports. I have never seen any parent flirting with any coach, male or female.

As for me, I confess a crush on my second grader's teacher. If I encountered her in any other context, I doubt I'd be attracted to her. But I think it's a very emotional appeal. When she interacts with me, she gives me the same compassionate attention she gives her students. So soothing and reassuring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ew. No thanks.

The psychology is a person having unhealthy boundaries and projecting feelings on inappropriate people.

This. To be attracted or have a crush on every single care giver and teacher suggests poor or inappropriate emotional development.

Who said every? Nobody ever said this.

It's implied bu the zoP. Further demonstrated by the replies that can't separate a warm/ enjoyable personality and admiration from crush/ sexual feelings

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ew. No thanks.

The psychology is a person having unhealthy boundaries and projecting feelings on inappropriate people.

This. To be attracted or have a crush on every single care giver and teacher suggests poor or inappropriate emotional development.

Who said every? Nobody ever said this.

It's implied bu the zoP. Further demonstrated by the replies that can't separate a warm/ enjoyable personality and admiration from crush/ sexual feelings

It was not implied. You inferred it.

[Anonymous]

I find the whole idea of this icky. But maybe I’m the weird one because there are very few men I have actually felt real attraction to, beyond a fleeting superficial feeling.

[Anonymous]

[Talking about heterosexual relationships here]

It's a primal instinct to find the best man to take care of your offspring . . . a teacher or coach has already demonstrated an interest in the well-being of your children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[Talking about heterosexual relationships here]

It's a primal instinct to find the best man to take care of your offspring . . . a teacher or coach has already demonstrated an interest in the well-being of your children.

Agree. There's no deviant psychology behind it - women, especially with children, love men who take care of children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ew. No thanks.

The psychology is a person having unhealthy boundaries and projecting feelings on inappropriate people.

This. To be attracted or have a crush on every single care giver and teacher suggests poor or inappropriate emotional development.

Who said every? Nobody ever said this.

It's implied bu the zoP. Further demonstrated by the replies that can't separate a warm/ enjoyable personality and admiration from crush/ sexual feelings

It was not implied. You inferred it.

Actually Op states in her opening paragraph that she has more than once been attracted to coaches etc. So this is habitual and you can hop off your high horse and STFU.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[Talking about heterosexual relationships here]

It's a primal instinct to find the best man to take care of your offspring . . . a teacher or coach has already demonstrated an interest in the well-being of your children.

Agree. There's no deviant psychology behind it - women, especially with children, love men who take care of children.

It's not deviant it's just immature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know this is a thing, especially for women. I myself have more than once felt attracted to my son’s coaches throughout the years. Happily married, but a little fantasizing never hurt anyone.

Just curious what is going on with that? The current coach is a reasonably attractive guy, also single which is outside the norm. However, he’s probably not someone I would give a second thought to if not for being the coach (and he’s a good one, my kid really looks up to him). Why do I think about him so much?

Immature personality and daddy issues.

[Anonymous]

I feel so bad for those of you who think normal attraction between adults is “icky” or immature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel so bad for those of you who think normal attraction between adults is “icky” or immature.

A pattern of having crushes on child’s coaches isn’t healthy either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel so bad for those of you who think normal attraction between adults is “icky” or immature.

A pattern of having crushes on child’s coaches isn’t healthy either.

What exactly isn’t healthy? I mean, if these were affairs or affected the kid or marriage in any way sure, but crushes/attraction are pretty harmless when kept to yourself. One of the small pleasures in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel so bad for those of you who think normal attraction between adults is “icky” or immature.

A pattern of having crushes on child’s coaches isn’t healthy either.

What exactly isn’t healthy? I mean, if these were affairs or affected the kid or marriage in any way sure, but crushes/attraction are pretty harmless when kept to yourself. One of the small pleasures in life.

Yes but OP is “thinking so much about him”, that’s what leads to affairs and divorces.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel so bad for those of you who think normal attraction between adults is “icky” or immature.

Agree. The "must shower after sex" energy is big on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

A recent study showed up on my newsfeed, you may find it interesting.


“fantasies may act as a buffer for those in less satisfying sexual relationships as a way of contributing to their overall sexual satisfaction. Whereas, for those higher in sexual satisfaction, fantasizing about someone who may have only slightly more ideal attributes than their current partner could, in contrast, feel like a real possible option and may make them feel less positively towards their current partner“




https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/myths-desire/202203/can-fantasizing-about-other-people-ruin-relationship?utm_source=FacebookPost&utm_medium=FBPost&utm_campaign=FBPost&fbclid=IwAR0L9IU43rbLhTYLuxZ-aGg473E9fCjU6tjOX4CzIIducZ64APmvsC6yINs