Husband is cluttered and not organized, spilling over to child, and I'm stressed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a book called something like "home organizing for ADHD." It is very clear that the "before" and "after" pictures are not going to be Pintrest worthy, but it does help in thinking about systems that work with an ADHD brain. I still need help turning those ideas into systems in my own home.

Where are people finding good professional organizers in this case?

Is this the book you're talking about? https://www.amazon.com/dp/B007ETD7GO

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Involve both your son and husband in the organizing. Talk to them about what works for them. It’s possible you are over-organizing and would have more success meeting them half way. For instance, instead of insisting that sunglasses go here, hats go there, consider instead having an area for each person to put their stuff and they can organize within that area however they see fit. So maybe instead of a sunglasses bin and hat bin, each member of the household has 3 bins of their own.

This is a good idea. Work together, don’t overdo the organization. And if you can’t find a happy medium together, get a professional involved somehow.

[Anonymous]

You’ve gotten some good suggestions here and I second many of them. For the most part, I have given up on changing my DH but focus heavily on not letting the kids slide. DH does support me.

Stray stuff left lying around (DH): throw out immediately or place on his office chair or on his side of the bed (whichever makes more sense)
Stray stuff left lying around (kids): call kid immediately to come put the stuff where it belongs (interrupt whatever they are doing)

I also declutter very regularly and throw out a LOT of stuff. If I’m not sure about something, I set aside to ask DH or put in a bag or box and see if he notices after a time. If he does not, out it goes.

I also give DH his space to be messy- he has an office and garage area that I don’t mess with.

I am also pretty reasonable about the kids’ bedrooms (mess is usually ok but no food allowed, throw trash away immediately, no clothes on floor) toys books etc strewn around I don’t worry about.

I really try to get the point across that there is a difference between COMMON areas vs personal space (kid bedrooms, office etc) and that if everyone left stuff all over in the common areas we would not be able to enjoy our house or have people over as much etc which is no fun and not fair to the rest of the family. Your own room or office only bothers YOU so that is different (unless it involves nastiness which can attract bugs etc)

[Anonymous]

Buy him a bigger shed, or the house next door

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’ve gotten some good suggestions here and I second many of them. For the most part, I have given up on changing my DH but focus heavily on not letting the kids slide. DH does support me.

Stray stuff left lying around (DH): throw out immediately or place on his office chair or (on his side of the bed whichever makes more sense)
Stray stuff left lying around (kids): call kid immediately to come put the stuff where it belongs (interrupt whatever they are doing)

I also declutter very regularly and throw out a LOT of stuff. If I’m not sure about something, I set aside to ask DH or put in a bag or box and see if he notices after a time. If he does not, out it goes.

I also give DH his space to be messy- he has an office and garage area that I don’t mess with.

I am also pretty reasonable about the kids’ bedrooms (mess is usually ok but no food allowed, throw trash away immediately, no clothes on floor) toys books etc strewn around I don’t worry about.

I really try to get the point across that there is a difference between COMMON areas vs personal space (kid bedrooms, office etc) and that if everyone left stuff all over in the common areas we would not be able to enjoy our house or have people over as much etc which is no fun and not fair to the rest of the family. Your own room or office only bothers YOU so that is different (unless it involves nastiness which can attract bugs etc)

This thread is like therapy for me. My husband's junk box where I put everything that has been laying around is on his side of the bed where I can't see it. It's also specifically there so when it overflows, it gets in the way of him getting in and out of bed.

I also really like the emphasis on common vs. personal space. I feel like that might be more of a potential win than getting them to be organized everywhere.