Husband is cluttered and not organized, spilling over to child, and I'm stressed
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Anonymous
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I have a husband and one son. I'm trying so hard to teach my 10 year old how to put his things away in the same, logical place every single time he uses them. And yet, he still frequently asks me where his things are. The worst part is my husband is an unorganized clutter bug and has no common sense system for organization. Many times over the past several years, I have organized and reorganized our mud/laundry room and our front door entry way to try to make drop zones that are simple and logical. There's a plastic bin with a label that literally says "Larlo's sunglasses and masks" for DS. Another one labeled for hats and gloves. I verbally asked my husband to not use them for anything else. There are places for his things too, including a miscellaneous junk box he can fill to his hearts content.
Just now, DS asked me where his sunglasses are. I found them buried in the hat bin- ds's fault for not putting them in the sunglasses bin and for not thinking to search this bin. But the kicker is, the hat/glove bin had a bunch of DH's miscellaneous CRAP piled on top, including literal trash. I am at my wits end. I use that room every day. I already gave up our sizeable shed to my husband's clutter. I keep my garden supplies outside under the deck because I can no longer walk from the shed door to the shelves. I used to beg him to for god's sake just leave me a shelf and a path. I gave up years ago. I'll be damned if I give up my laundry room. I feel like every other day I tell my husband to clear off the dining room table. I tell him weekly to please pick up his pile of shoes behind the door because I can't even open the door fully. Our house doesn't look like Hoarders, but I'm certain it would if I didn't keep it clean. What should I do? I get so stressed out about this. This is a lost cause isn't it? Just me organizing for the rest of my life? |
Anonymous
| One thing that stood out from your post: it would have been better to have made your 10 yo look for his sunglasses that he misplaced. |
Anonymous
| Op here. I'd like to reiterate that the whole laundry room currently is a disaster, not just the hat/sunglasses bin incident. I'm losing my mind. |
Anonymous
I did. And I do that regularly. And typically I do tell him I can't help him when he knows he's supposed to put them away properly. I don't know why I stepped in today. Just hearing him ask for my help triggered anxiety because I feel like I am failing at teaching him this life skill, and I worry it will be impossible to do so with his dad disrespecting the process. |
Anonymous
| Ha I’ve made a similar post. I feel your pain. After many years of organizing and reorganizing, I hired a pro for help. It has been life changing. Some key things- everything has to be visible, and the labels need to be giant. They also need to be very general categories and words that your husband and son use. And once you have organized, you have to give them a full tour of the new system. Your son will be easier to teach than your husband. Everything has a place. Also your son and husband need to be the ones to put their things away in the right place. Put a right-sized basket somewhere very accessible, usually at the bottom of the stairs, for your son and husband. Anything that migrates downstairs goes back in their named basket and they empty it each day by putting their crap away. |
Anonymous
| Wtf is wrong with your husband? He needs an entire shed for his clutter and piles his shoes? |
Anonymous
| Does your husband have ADHD? |
Anonymous
Op. Not diagnosed, but I think so. I tried to talk to him about ADHD once, which offended him. |
Anonymous
I've tried labeling. It's time to overhaul the laundry room organization again, so I'll try bigger labels. 
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Anonymous
| Involve both your son and husband in the organizing. Talk to them about what works for them. It’s possible you are over-organizing and would have more success meeting them half way. For instance, instead of insisting that sunglasses go here, hats go there, consider instead having an area for each person to put their stuff and they can organize within that area however they see fit. So maybe instead of a sunglasses bin and hat bin, each member of the household has 3 bins of their own. |
Anonymous
I’m sorry 
I guess there are worse things in life than being disorganized? (I’m trying to look at the bright side) |
Anonymous
| Do not help when they are looking for their stuff. Instead, ask them where they have looked. My family members will ask me BEFORE they have looked anywhere 😡 |
Anonymous
As an adult with ADHD, it’s possible both your husband and son have ADHD. But also, I’m pretty neat and organized because I HAVE to be. The key to living successfully with ADHD is to have systems and routines that work with your brain so you can function. A big one for me is “a place for everything and everything in its place”. |
Anonymous
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Are you married to my husband?
The difference is you seem to have great organizational skills. I’ve been living in a state of despair for over a decade. I finally hired a professional organizer to help me one room at at time. I work full time and have three kids, so I’ll be chipping away at the clutter for the rest of my life. But I think my professional organizer might be saving my marriage. |
Anonymous
| At my house if something isn’t in it’s place it gets thrown out. No, not a winter coat or backpack but sunglasses, yes. If you aren’t responsible enough to put it up, you aren’t responsible enough to own it. |