How to handle sleep routine differences with spouse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does he need to shower twice? So he can spend less time with his family? He should shower right after working out. No one needs to shower before working out.

He may be ocd? He used to shower more, but now he showers in the AM, after work, and after working out or taking out the trash.

He showers after he takes out the trash?

Yes, but I’m not complaining since I only take out the trash maybe 2-3 times a month.

You all are acting like this is a hard chore. Is this your DH's one contribution to the household? He doesn't even eat dinner with you guys

[Anonymous]

Why does he shower at 7pm and then again after his work out?

He needs to get up at 6am with the kid sometimes, that will help him go to bed earlier.

I definitely think "quiet hours" should be a thing. Meaning: no pounding on a treadmill on the same level of the house where everyone is sleeping. 10pm-7am.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why does he shower at 7pm and then again after his work out?

He needs to get up at 6am with the kid sometimes, that will help him go to bed earlier.

I definitely think "quiet hours" should be a thing. Meaning: no pounding on a treadmill on the same level of the house where everyone is sleeping. 10pm-7am.

Oh I like the quiet hours thing. Our kid is up at 6 but he stays in his room. I don’t get up with him.

[Anonymous]

He us wrong you are right. My spouse and I are on different schedules. I’m a morning person and go to bed between 9-10 and spouse works 4-midnight. I am respectful in the mornings when I get up and spouse is respectful at night when coming to bed. Your spouse is not respecting you.

[Anonymous]

If the bathroom is in the hall, why is it waking you up every time someone uses it? Turn on a fan or get a white noise machine

[Anonymous]

He only comes into the bedroom when he wants to go bed. Otherwise start waking him a 6:00am to help with your child and start his day.

[Anonymous]

Get a sleep mask and noise cancelling ear buds. My teen DC has these and he can sleep through the dead.

But, also, it seems odd that your DH showers three times a day, even when just washing hands would suffice (like taking trash out) and that he feels “unsafe” at the gym. Is that because of germs? Unless he’s worried about COVID at the gym, I ‘d say it’s unreasonable to feel “unsafe” there.

[Anonymous]

Have you tried ear plugs? The soft foam ones? Then your husband can do his routine, but needs to get up with the kid, which seems fair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is your spouse even apart of your family?? He gets home after dinner and after your kid goes to bed. He takes a nap instead of spending time with you. And then he's working out while you're sleeping. All of this is insane.

Dh and I get home at 5pm (we start work at 7-8am). We hang out with our kids, eat dinner as a family, play together and then the kids go to bed by 7:30/8pm. Then we're both doing chores together until 10:30pm. I go to bed and am asleep by 11pm while dh fools around on his Iphone. I refuse to wake up to take a kid to the bathroom either.

Chores every night for 2.5 hours? When’s your downtime??

[Anonymous]

Can he join a gym with late hours and do his workout and shower there?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can he join a gym with late hours and do his workout and shower there?

I see someone suggested this, and he is concerned about his safety at night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does he need to shower twice? So he can spend less time with his family? He should shower right after working out. No one needs to shower before working out.

He may be ocd? He used to shower more, but now he showers in the AM, after work, and after working out or taking out the trash.

Is he getting any treatment? It is the job of the mentally healthy person to get the mentally ill person to recognize that they have a problem. Despite what your husband tells you, a goox spouse would not walk on eggshells around this behavior and would call it out.
If your husband dragged himself into the house tomorrow paralyzed from the waist down and told you that he was fine and that you need to just deal with him slithering around the house would you accept it? Or would you make him face what’s going on, go to the doctor, and get a diagnosis, PT, and a wheelchair?

Same thing here. He is making your life difficult because of his untreated anxiety. He needs to get treatment. You need to stop enabling his odd behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does he need to shower twice? So he can spend less time with his family? He should shower right after working out. No one needs to shower before working out.

He may be ocd? He used to shower more, but now he showers in the AM, after work, and after working out or taking out the trash.

Is he getting any treatment? It is the job of the mentally healthy person to get the mentally ill person to recognize that they have a problem. Despite what your husband tells you, a goox spouse would not walk on eggshells around this behavior and would call it out.
If your husband dragged himself into the house tomorrow paralyzed from the waist down and told you that he was fine and that you need to just deal with him slithering around the house would you accept it? Or would you make him face what’s going on, go to the doctor, and get a diagnosis, PT, and a wheelchair?

Same thing here. He is making your life difficult because of his untreated anxiety. He needs to get treatment. You need to stop enabling his odd behavior.

His mother and her parents are the same. He thinks it is normal. I’m not going to suggest he seek help for a behavior that was ingrained in him from childhood, he will feel I am criticizing his family. His family are also not open to suggestions or change.
Whatever he has may be “untreated” but he much better. He used to have many more rituals that he has stopped. He is also able to deal with my child touching him with dirty hands without yelling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does he need to shower twice? So he can spend less time with his family? He should shower right after working out. No one needs to shower before working out.

He may be ocd? He used to shower more, but now he showers in the AM, after work, and after working out or taking out the trash.

Is he getting any treatment? It is the job of the mentally healthy person to get the mentally ill person to recognize that they have a problem. Despite what your husband tells you, a goox spouse would not walk on eggshells around this behavior and would call it out.
If your husband dragged himself into the house tomorrow paralyzed from the waist down and told you that he was fine and that you need to just deal with him slithering around the house would you accept it? Or would you make him face what’s going on, go to the doctor, and get a diagnosis, PT, and a wheelchair?

Same thing here. He is making your life difficult because of his untreated anxiety. He needs to get treatment. You need to stop enabling his odd behavior.

His mother and her parents are the same. He thinks it is normal. I’m not going to suggest he seek help for a behavior that was ingrained in him from childhood, he will feel I am criticizing his family. His family are also not open to suggestions or change.
Whatever he has may be “untreated” but he much better. He used to have many more rituals that he has stopped. He is also able to deal with my child touching him with dirty hands without yelling.

You are the one who brought up mental illness.
Sounds like it runs in his family. And it sounds like you and your child are just going to have to live at the whims of this crazy person since you are afraid to make him feel criticized.
Good luck!

[Anonymous]

It can't possibly be any fun for him to live like this, either. All your lives will improve if he gets some help to deal with whatever problem he has.