ex DH would like to not have formal CS agreement

[Anonymous]

Why wasn't the child support order done at the time of the divorce?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he lives abroad it may be hard to enforce an order. [/quot]

He lives on the west coast right now, and will be notovated not to have issues with his US passport, I think. Do realize enforcement nay become harder if he is overseas again though

This is a no brainer. You file like yesterday. He will pay because if he doesn’t he risks losing citizenship and getting deported back to his home country. Keep that part to yourself. If he isn’t stupid he already knows this, has no intention of making regular payments, if he remarries and starts another family he definitely won’t.

If I were in his shoes I put you off as long as possible too. File for custody and child support, the only benefit in waiting is that you have gone a longe time period with defacto custody. If I were in your shoes I’d file ASAP. Living with a foot on your neck and taking on the burden of single parenting is no way to live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he lives abroad it may be hard to enforce an order. [/quot]

He lives on the west coast right now, and will be notovated not to have issues with his US passport, I think. Do realize enforcement nay become harder if he is overseas again though

This is a no brainer. You file like yesterday. He will pay because if he doesn’t he risks losing citizenship and getting deported back to his home country. Keep that part to yourself. If he isn’t stupid he already knows this, has no intention of making regular payments, if he remarries and starts another family he definitely won’t.

If I were in his shoes I put you off as long as possible too. File for custody and child support, the only benefit in waiting is that you have gone a longe time period with defacto custody. If I were in your shoes I’d file ASAP. Living with a foot on your neck and taking on the burden of single parenting is no way to live.

Oops misread was thinking green card. Either way if he travels for work or likes to travel he didn’t want to lose his
Passport. File. He has a baby on the way. Of course he doesn’t want a formal agreement. His lifestyle choices aren’t your problem. Your concern is your family.

[Anonymous]

I don't have a formal CS agreement and my ex is an attorney. It was TBD in our divorce. I was still in the marital home. It was only going to be $300 a month for two kids anyway.

It actually has been fine because he has paid more than that on kids' tuition for a private school (a cheap one but still) and has not asked me to pay.

That will stop next year. It is not worth the fight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't have a formal CS agreement and my ex is an attorney. It was TBD in our divorce. I was still in the marital home. It was only going to be $300 a month for two kids anyway.

It actually has been fine because he has paid more than that on kids' tuition for a private school (a cheap one but still) and has not asked me to pay.

That will stop next year. It is not worth the fight.

This makes no sense. My understanding is that you cannot just decide not to do it because it is for children. It cannot be waived. There has to be a plan in place. How would a judge sign off on a divorce without child support in place for the children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't have a formal CS agreement and my ex is an attorney. It was TBD in our divorce. I was still in the marital home. It was only going to be $300 a month for two kids anyway.

It actually has been fine because he has paid more than that on kids' tuition for a private school (a cheap one but still) and has not asked me to pay.

That will stop next year. It is not worth the fight.

This makes no sense. My understanding is that you cannot just decide not to do it because it is for children. It cannot be waived. There has to be a plan in place. How would a judge sign off on a divorce without child support in place for the children.

NP and your understanding is wrong, esp if both parties have a decent income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he lives abroad it may be hard to enforce an order. [/quot]

He lives on the west coast right now, and will be notovated not to have issues with his US passport, I think. Do realize enforcement nay become harder if he is overseas again though

This is a no brainer. You file like yesterday. He will pay because if he doesn’t he risks losing citizenship and getting deported back to his home country. Keep that part to yourself. If he isn’t stupid he already knows this, has no intention of making regular payments, if he remarries and starts another family he definitely won’t.

If I were in his shoes I put you off as long as possible too. File for custody and child support, the only benefit in waiting is that you have gone a longe time period with defacto custody. If I were in your shoes I’d file ASAP. Living with a foot on your neck and taking on the burden of single parenting is no way to live.

OP here- thanks for this insight, you are right he would definitely like to put this off as long as possible. I was waiting for a year after us all being back in the US to make it extend the time post divorce (and in the same country) that he had not shown an interest in getting custody of the children. I don't know if this ultimately matters or not but feel it will be in my favor if needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't have a formal CS agreement and my ex is an attorney. It was TBD in our divorce. I was still in the marital home. It was only going to be $300 a month for two kids anyway.

It actually has been fine because he has paid more than that on kids' tuition for a private school (a cheap one but still) and has not asked me to pay.

That will stop next year. It is not worth the fight.

This makes no sense. My understanding is that you cannot just decide not to do it because it is for children. It cannot be waived. There has to be a plan in place. How would a judge sign off on a divorce without child support in place for the children.

The agreement says CS will be done when the wife vacates the marital home. I vacated. It is not worth getting a CS agreement in place. He is paying more than what I would get in CS, which is $300 a month for two kids. I work. So does he. I will likely outearn him next year. Then I might have to pay him. We are both contributing to kids so it literally does not make sense to go now post divorce to pay attorneys to put something in writing that we can handle ourselves. And obviously, the judge signed off. We have been divorced for 2 years already.

[Anonymous]

How do you people get away with 300 ish a month in CS?

I'm paying 2500. 2 kids, and I make 140 ish, she makes 60 or so. And she gets use and posession of the house for 3 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you people get away with 300 ish a month in CS?

I'm paying 2500. 2 kids, and I make 140 ish, she makes 60 or so. And she gets use and posession of the house for 3 years.

Are you fifty fifty?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you people get away with 300 ish a month in CS?

I'm paying 2500. 2 kids, and I make 140 ish, she makes 60 or so. And she gets use and posession of the house for 3 years.

Are you fifty fifty?

Nah she gets about 2/3.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you people get away with 300 ish a month in CS?

I'm paying 2500. 2 kids, and I make 140 ish, she makes 60 or so. And she gets use and posession of the house for 3 years.

Are you fifty fifty?

Nah she gets about 2/3.

NP and the thing is it really depends on the facts and circumstances of the case. For example, maybe the kids in the 300 per month scenario do not have daycare expenses and the parent making the $300 payments carries the health insurance in which case they get a credit against their monthly obligation for the cost of the insurance.

[Anonymous]

Just file -- and make sure that you have him pay his child support to the state. It's much easier for the state to go after him for support than it is for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you people get away with 300 ish a month in CS?

I'm paying 2500. 2 kids, and I make 140 ish, she makes 60 or so. And she gets use and posession of the house for 3 years.

Are you fifty fifty?

Nah she gets about 2/3.

NP and the thing is it really depends on the facts and circumstances of the case. For example, maybe the kids in the 300 per month scenario do not have daycare expenses and the parent making the $300 payments carries the health insurance in which case they get a credit against their monthly obligation for the cost of the insurance.

Both of those are true in my case. Thanks

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you people get away with 300 ish a month in CS?

I'm paying 2500. 2 kids, and I make 140 ish, she makes 60 or so. And she gets use and posession of the house for 3 years.

My ex makes 180k. I made 103k at the time of divorce. My ex is an attorney who made me go back to work before agreeing to amicably divorce. He would have burned through money and I would have gotten less than I did in the divorce if I insisted on divorce during the 18 months I was not working.

50/50 custody. He got the house. I agreed to let him take it. I could have tried to keep it with family help but it was not worth a nasty postdivorce situation. The child support would be $300 if we went though the court. We did not. I am glad we did not because he is contributing to more than that now and otherwise, he would only give me $300 because that is the kind of person he is...he wants control. Next year I will make what he makes and then I would get $0 anyway so not worth putting a formal CS court order in force at this point.