If your husband really wanted a boy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well. I have a boy and a girl. But I know some friends of mine keep trying for a specific gender till they get their wishes or giving up after the 3rd/4th ones. They are still happy family, but I think maybe with a bit of regret. They are overjoyed when they get grandkid of the gender they want.

I think cheating or having another marriage is a bit overboard. If the family is still young & have $, they can pay money to pick specific gender.

Yeah we know a family like this. 2 girls and the husband really wanted a boy and the he eventually got it - I’m sure the wife loves all her kids but it seemed like it was 100 percent him pushing for it and very much for a boy. I don’t think I would have given in and thankful my DH was delighted with our kids as they came.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t marry someone so misogynistic/macho that they’d have such a pronounced desire for a male child. What is this, the 1300s? Grow up.

Oh please. Almost every white American woman I know wants to have a daughter and somehow it is OK and not considered misogynistic

I had no desire for a daughter. I think there are a lot of women who either truly don't care, or like me, kinda hoped for a boy.

My relationship with my mom was so difficult and I dreaded repeating it. I mentally prepared myself for the possibility of a girl, and was prepared to love a daughter. But no, it's never been my dream to have a daughter. I was happy to learn we were having a boy.

[Anonymous]

Why must one make it a competition? Every child boy or girl comes with their own unique personality and traits. Any child can present challenges regardless of gender. I am appalled at some women claiming how girls are so complex and emotional and they really wanted boys. Why peg one entire gender against the other because of your own personal experience? It’s sickening and anyone who does that probably needs a good amount of therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Chinese and Middle Eastern people really want boys, even if they're feminists.

I have an Egyptian friend who did ivf with pgd for a boy

My American WASP husband also wished for a boy. I don't think it's rational. I absolutely wanted boys - I have 3 brothers and 8 male cousins and I'm the only girl in the family, so this is all I knew. Boys and men are very simple, very easy to live with; they have very simple needs. I love my nieces to death but I'm not equipped to deal with the richness of emotions, especially as teenagers. I also had a fraught relationship with my mom growing up, because she wanted to re-live her childhood through me and thought that having a daughter would be like a second chance to her life.

DP. I think this is a very damaging attitude. I have two sons and a daughter, and the boys are just as emotionally complex as my friends and I were at their ages (DD is a baby). The idea of boys as unemotional is outdated and inaccurate.

PP here, I didn't say they are unemotional, I said simple. Mine are older (one in college, one in grad school) and I stand by my statement. As your DD gets older, you will have to navigate the complexity of the social relationships between girls, and those start in elementary school. Who plays in what group, who gets excluded, who gets invited to what parties etc. I love my boys to death, they are smart and sensitive, but they don't have the same emotional bandwidth, I don't know how to explain it. I honestly don't think men have the same level of emotional intelligence or if they do, it is not readily expressed.

There is a lot of interesting research about the differences.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-brain-and-emotional-intelligence/201104/are-women-more-emotionally-intelligent-men
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mind-the-manager/201603/new-research-women-consistently-outperform-men-in-eq
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/good-thinking/201406/are-males-and-females-equally-emotional

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why must one make it a competition? Every child boy or girl comes with their own unique personality and traits. Any child can present challenges regardless of gender. I am appalled at some women claiming how girls are so complex and emotional and they really wanted boys. Why peg one entire gender against the other because of your own personal experience? It’s sickening and anyone who does that probably needs a good amount of therapy.

You are projecting. I wanted boys because I had a difficult relationship with MY mom. Of course it is my personal experience, this is all I have. Parenting is not a crash course that one learns from the hallmark channel and self-help books. I also strongly believe that my mom was not the only mom who wanted a mini-her with similar, but better decision making skills. Go to the Teen forum and read about the mom who disagrees with her daughter's clothing because she used to dress modestly at her age or the one who is having a crisis because her teen is having sex at 16 and didn't wait until 24, like the mom. I see it over and over again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why must one make it a competition? Every child boy or girl comes with their own unique personality and traits. Any child can present challenges regardless of gender. I am appalled at some women claiming how girls are so complex and emotional and they really wanted boys. Why peg one entire gender against the other because of your own personal experience? It’s sickening and anyone who does that probably needs a good amount of therapy.

You are projecting. I wanted boys because I had a difficult relationship with MY mom. Of course it is my personal experience, this is all I have. Parenting is not a crash course that one learns from the hallmark channel and self-help books. I also strongly believe that my mom was not the only mom who wanted a mini-her with similar, but better decision making skills. Go to the Teen forum and read about the mom who disagrees with her daughter's clothing because she used to dress modestly at her age or the one who is having a crisis because her teen is having sex at 16 and didn't wait until 24, like the mom. I see it over and over again.

And I have heard tons of stories where parents constantly complain about their sons play video games all day and completely ignore their parents or they don’t focus in school or they get involved with drugs. But that didn’t make me not wish for a boy because my own son is unique and I have the ability to from a great relationship with him as I do with my daughter. Just because you had a difficult relationship with your mom doesn’t mean it would have played out like that if you had a daughter. If anything maybe it would have given you an incentive to be more emotionally attuned to her needs. A healthy mother daughter relationship is beautiful and is very common. In fact daughters often grow up much much closer to their parents than sons. The overwhelming majority of caregivers for elderly parents are daughters. Anyhow, my point is each child is unique and I find it incredibly odd when people wish to NOT have a specific gender.

[Anonymous]

My first was a boy and when I was pregnant with my second I was petrified it would be a girl. I called my mom crying saying I have no idea how to raise a girl! I've never even liked girls! She did her best to calm my hormonal self down and said, You will love her because she will be YOUR girl.

Well, she was a girl! I couldn't have loved her more from the day she was born, she was amazing! She was definitely tougher to raise than her brother and she was pretty much nothing like me, but I cannot imagine what I would have done or would do now without her. She's in her 40s and pretty much my best friend.

[Anonymous]

I know someone who has been married several times, had kids with each wife, and had all girls.

But I feel really bad for you that you feel the need to ask these questions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And didn’t get one, do you ever wonder if he will have one through a second marriage, AP or after you die? Men can theoretically have babies till their 70s,80s and the biological drive for a male heir seems strong in some men

Is this the vegan SIL troll striking again?

[Anonymous]

Who'd you marry, the ghost of Henry VIII?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know someone who has been married several times, had kids with each wife, and had all girls.

But I feel really bad for you that you feel the need to ask these questions.

Sperm largely determines the gender. Some guys just "shoot girls (or boys). For those people even changing partner doesn't make a difference. Bruce Willis is a minor example of this-2 wives, 5 girls. I worked with someone abroad who kept trying for a girl with his wife. He had 14 sons with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why must one make it a competition? Every child boy or girl comes with their own unique personality and traits. Any child can present challenges regardless of gender. I am appalled at some women claiming how girls are so complex and emotional and they really wanted boys. Why peg one entire gender against the other because of your own personal experience? It’s sickening and anyone who does that probably needs a good amount of therapy.

You are projecting. I wanted boys because I had a difficult relationship with MY mom. Of course it is my personal experience, this is all I have. Parenting is not a crash course that one learns from the hallmark channel and self-help books. I also strongly believe that my mom was not the only mom who wanted a mini-her with similar, but better decision making skills. Go to the Teen forum and read about the mom who disagrees with her daughter's clothing because she used to dress modestly at her age or the one who is having a crisis because her teen is having sex at 16 and didn't wait until 24, like the mom. I see it over and over again.

And I have heard tons of stories where parents constantly complain about their sons play video games all day and completely ignore their parents or they don’t focus in school or they get involved with drugs. But that didn’t make me not wish for a boy because my own son is unique and I have the ability to from a great relationship with him as I do with my daughter. Just because you had a difficult relationship with your mom doesn’t mean it would have played out like that if you had a daughter. If anything maybe it would have given you an incentive to be more emotionally attuned to her needs. A healthy mother daughter relationship is beautiful and is very common. In fact daughters often grow up much much closer to their parents than sons. The overwhelming majority of caregivers for elderly parents are daughters. Anyhow, my point is each child is unique and I find it incredibly odd when people wish to NOT have a specific gender.

I don't know, there is a lot of stereotyping in your post. Maybe not, maybe I'm thankful that I didn't have to work as hard at my relationship with my sons. Maybe I would have been a terrible girl mom and be like my mom. I know, head to the midlife forum and hear about overwhelmed daughters stuck with taking care of their elderly parents and small children. Most of them have no say because it is expected of them. No, I didn't wish for girls so I can have a family member change my diapers, thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why must one make it a competition? Every child boy or girl comes with their own unique personality and traits. Any child can present challenges regardless of gender. I am appalled at some women claiming how girls are so complex and emotional and they really wanted boys. Why peg one entire gender against the other because of your own personal experience? It’s sickening and anyone who does that probably needs a good amount of therapy.

You are projecting. I wanted boys because I had a difficult relationship with MY mom. Of course it is my personal experience, this is all I have. Parenting is not a crash course that one learns from the hallmark channel and self-help books. I also strongly believe that my mom was not the only mom who wanted a mini-her with similar, but better decision making skills. Go to the Teen forum and read about the mom who disagrees with her daughter's clothing because she used to dress modestly at her age or the one who is having a crisis because her teen is having sex at 16 and didn't wait until 24, like the mom. I see it over and over again.

And I have heard tons of stories where parents constantly complain about their sons play video games all day and completely ignore their parents or they don’t focus in school or they get involved with drugs. But that didn’t make me not wish for a boy because my own son is unique and I have the ability to from a great relationship with him as I do with my daughter. Just because you had a difficult relationship with your mom doesn’t mean it would have played out like that if you had a daughter. If anything maybe it would have given you an incentive to be more emotionally attuned to her needs. A healthy mother daughter relationship is beautiful and is very common. In fact daughters often grow up much much closer to their parents than sons. The overwhelming majority of caregivers for elderly parents are daughters. Anyhow, my point is each child is unique and I find it incredibly odd when people wish to NOT have a specific gender.

I don't know, there is a lot of stereotyping in your post. Maybe not, maybe I'm thankful that I didn't have to work as hard at my relationship with my sons. Maybe I would have been a terrible girl mom and be like my mom. I know, head to the midlife forum and hear about overwhelmed daughters stuck with taking care of their elderly parents and small children. Most of them have no say because it is expected of them. No, I didn't wish for girls so I can have a family member change my diapers, thank you.

For God’s sake, please stop going to the Teen forum and midlife forum to determine what life is like for people out there. You seem to spend a lot of time on these forums. I hope you realize people come to these forums to POST problems. They don’t come here to talk about the fabulous relationships they have with their children or parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless you're married to a duke or the world's biggest a-hole, I can't imagine this being a real concern.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless you're married to a duke or the world's biggest a-hole, I can't imagine this being a real concern.

This.

I don't even think entailed estates are even legal anymore.