My eleven year old wants to read romance novels.

[Anonymous]

So, I don’t think it’s a big deal for teens to see soft core p**n, but I wouldn’t offer it to them either. My take is less about what kids should read and what boundaries I as a parent should set. So I’d say no to adult romance.

I think YA romance is great. It’s way better than Disney romance.

I love the Cassandra Clare’s series that has Will Herondale in it… I forget the names of the other ones, ha. But I can come back and recommend some that even adults like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give her Forever by Judy Blume to read. I remember checking it out of the library when I was 12, and loved it. And then I read the VC Andrews books - OMG those were insane. I also read some of my grandmother's racy romance novels that she left lying around at that age, and I'm fine.

Reading is awesome and you should encourage it as much as possible. Maybe draw the line at the really graphic hard core stuff, but some light romance should be ok.

Nice to meet you DCUM twin.

Romance and sex are different things. Sometimes they go together (romance with sex or sex with romance). But sometimes they don't (romance that does not lead to explicit sex or sex that does not involve romance).

OP's 11 year old asked to read "romance novels". You all are recommending books with explicit sex scenes. But neither of your recommendations are romance novels. They're literally not "romantic" at all.

Forever is about a 17 ior 18 year old's first sexual relationship. That's the plot of the book, and I remember it centering the sex part, not the romance. If my 11 year old found it herself, I wouldn't take it away, of course. But if she were looking for "romance novels" there are so many other books out there that a better fit.

Similarly, the VC Andrews books are not romances either. They're Gothic thrillers about twisted family secrets. Of course, they also happen to have some explicit sex scenes. But no romance that I remember.

When an 11 year old shows interest in "romance novels," maybe it helps to ask her what she means. Like literally ask, "What do you mean? Like books about teenagers dating or falling in love?" If she's looking for a twisty thriller about a family with a history of incest, then you'll know to point her to VC Andrews. But if she's looking for something more akin to her current or soon-to-be life experience, it's best to focus on books with characters close to her age who are experiencing the things that interest her.

That's always been a good rule of thumb for kids who ask for book recommendations. Ask questions to better understand what they mean, and when there are bigger, adult themes involved (romance, violence, dystopian/societal issues), try to help them find books with main characters who are pretty close to their age. In the world of children's literature (and YA fiction), this is often a helpful rule of thumb.


And I don't consider the VC Andrews books to be "romance" novels, either. They're thrillers that again, have some explicit sex scenes.

If she happens to find Forever on her own and reads it, that's fine. But it's not at all what I would recommend for an 11 year old who wants to read "romance" novels.

[Anonymous]

Ugh, the page just refreshes and ate a long comment. Brief summary: it’s a huge genre with a lot of different messages on gender and romance, so I agree that it might be good for you to do research and try to steer your daughter a bit.

Not my genre so I don’t have many titles, but I just read one called “Holly Jolly Diwali” that was delightful and didn’t have anything graphic. Sophie Kinsella and Jojo Moyes and similar “chick lit” authors also have romantic themes without the graphic sex. And I’m a fan of historical fiction, which also often works in romance without graphic scenes. Maybe looking at those related genres might pay off better than straight romance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, the page just refreshes and ate a long comment. Brief summary: it’s a huge genre with a lot of different messages on gender and romance, so I agree that it might be good for you to do research and try to steer your daughter a bit.

Not my genre so I don’t have many titles, but I just read one called “Holly Jolly Diwali” that was delightful and didn’t have anything graphic. Sophie Kinsella and Jojo Moyes and similar “chick lit” authors also have romantic themes without the graphic sex. And I’m a fan of historical fiction, which also often works in romance without graphic scenes. Maybe looking at those related genres might pay off better than straight romance.

Look, I'm all for Sophie Kinsella and Jojo Moyes, but seriously, people. No 11 year old needs to be reading about the romantic (and career/life) challenges of women in their mid-20s or 30s. There's plenty of time for that later.

OP's DD is 11. So why not start with books that feature characters who themselves are closer to her age?

Some PPs posted good ideas -- books that are actually in the J or YA sections, written for tweens and young teens. If those types of books end up not working out (because her DD tries them and feels like they don't resonate for some reason or she's looking for something different), then try going to the library and asking for the librarian who handles the YA section. No doubt they'd be THRILLED to help, and they'll know the difference between romances for tweens/young teens (11-14) and romances for older teens (15-18+).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, the page just refreshes and ate a long comment. Brief summary: it’s a huge genre with a lot of different messages on gender and romance, so I agree that it might be good for you to do research and try to steer your daughter a bit.

Not my genre so I don’t have many titles, but I just read one called “Holly Jolly Diwali” that was delightful and didn’t have anything graphic. Sophie Kinsella and Jojo Moyes and similar “chick lit” authors also have romantic themes without the graphic sex. And I’m a fan of historical fiction, which also often works in romance without graphic scenes. Maybe looking at those related genres might pay off better than straight romance.

Look, I'm all for Sophie Kinsella and Jojo Moyes, but seriously, people. No 11 year old needs to be reading about the romantic (and career/life) challenges of women in their mid-20s or 30s. There's plenty of time for that later.

OP's DD is 11. So why not start with books that feature characters who themselves are closer to her age?

Some PPs posted good ideas -- books that are actually in the J or YA sections, written for tweens and young teens. If those types of books end up not working out (because her DD tries them and feels like they don't resonate for some reason or she's looking for something different), then try going to the library and asking for the librarian who handles the YA section. No doubt they'd be THRILLED to help, and they'll know the difference between romances for tweens/young teens (11-14) and romances for older teens (15-18+).

More examples:

To All the Boys I've Loved Before (and the sequel): https://www.amazon.com/All-Boys-Ive-Loved-Before-ebook/dp/B00DA9PX0A/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=to+all+the+boys+i%27ve+loved+before&qid=1645153432&s=digital-text&sprefix=to+all+the+b%2Cdigital-text%2C88&sr=1-1

You Have A Match: https://www.amazon.com/You-Have-Match-Emma-Lord-ebook/dp/B089FTQB4V/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3GJY76PPPIK9Z&keywords=you+have+a+match&qid=1645152815&sprefix=you+have+a+match%2Caps%2C208&sr=8-1

Tweet Cute: https://www.amazon.com/Tweet-Cute-Emma-Lord-ebook/dp/B07S8K7NHN?ref_=pd_sn_dp_a2a_ns_d_rs_dp_3&pd_rd_w=ENChh&pf_rd_p=121fb73d-5568-4d55-b28e-1cbd44672b1e&pf_rd_r=VYVGQ61AFMVWA9C47ZMV&pd_rd_r=10750bf1-cf61-4fd0-8dd9-ec626c02d19f&pd_rd_wg=5cgfg

Love is a Revolution: https://www.amazon.com/Love-Revolution-Ren%C3%A9e-Watson-ebook/dp/B08HVJLQ56/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1ZUPVAMGS3J5T&keywords=love+is+a+revolution&qid=1645153044&s=digital-text&sprefix=love+is+a+revolution%2Cdigital-text%2C74&sr=1-1

[Anonymous]

No way.

She’ll just skim the juicy parts.

[Anonymous]

Give her a bunch of porn and she what she really thinks.

[Anonymous]

The Twilight Vampire series is a good intro. Start her with Twilight and see how it goes. Even if she has seen the movies she will like realizing how the book is different. My daughter read them in 7th grade. So - we had them and we read them as well. Nothing to bad at all. Except the writing could be a bit painful at times. Do not get the audio books. They make you realize how much of silly dialogue you skim.

But as far as romance - go for it. And, of course, they look like adult or teen books.

[Anonymous]

I realize her books are too dated for OP’s daughter, but does anybody else remember Betty Cavanna?

[Anonymous]

No.

[Anonymous]

If they're too young for it - it will go over their heads

I agree with this. If it goes over their head, they will likely put it down. It's boring.

[Anonymous]

I would stick to books offered at the school library. I'm a bit afraid to open the whole library debate ... but I trust the school library. At whatever level, ES MS or HS, it's age appropriate (enough)

[Anonymous]

I can’t believe all the people who would censor what their kids read. Sure, I’d pile a bunch of books I think look good into the library bag, but the kids also check out anything they want. It seems a very safe way to show trust in them and foster independent thinking. (Also indirectly teaching them to respect my opinion because they almost always liked what I chose, until around 13-14 anyway, when their tastes changed a little.)

[Anonymous]

Been there done that. Let's just say I started my solo sex life in the single digits. Visual porn never did anything for me and still doesn't as a married wife and mom. But the brain is the biggest sex organ and nothing exercises that like literature, erotic literature.

No doubt OP's daughter has figured out the same and congrats to OP for providing your daughter with a safe outlet.

[Anonymous]

Don’t start with twilight for heavens sake. I have no tolerance for books that glorify stalkery, semi abusive relationships where the more the heroine martyrs herself the more she is worthy of the hero’s love. Terrible thought patterns to put in an 11 year olds brain.