My eleven year old wants to read romance novels.

[Anonymous]

I feel like I am a Deep South School Board Member, but am I wrong to draw the line? She loves reading, and we have kind of been pretty permissive in the YA category, but it seems like this is kind of a step further. There are obviously other ways that sexual content is available that are probably worse. I offered that we could read it together, which did not fly obviously. Am I just fighting a losing battle needlessly?

[Anonymous]

I don't know, OP. This is tough. Perhaps you can get her some YA romance? I am not familiar with what is out there now (my kids are younger), but there were a ton when we were kids... Cheesy and romantic with nothing more than kissing.

In terms of actual romance, I did start reading things like Nora Roberts pretty young and absolutely devoured them. And thought I learned a lot about sex and adult relationships... But now as an adult I think they are actually pretty bad for girls because they give a very false sense of what sex and relationships are really like. So while I think they are pretty harmless in terms of what she'll learn about sexual mechanics, then longer term emotional learning can be skewed and ultimately not the greatest...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know, OP. This is tough. Perhaps you can get her some YA romance? I am not familiar with what is out there now (my kids are younger), but there were a ton when we were kids... Cheesy and romantic with nothing more than kissing.

In terms of actual romance, I did start reading things like Nora Roberts pretty young and absolutely devoured them. And thought I learned a lot about sex and adult relationships... But now as an adult I think they are actually pretty bad for girls because they give a very false sense of what sex and relationships are really like. So while I think they are pretty harmless in terms of what she'll learn about sexual mechanics, then longer term emotional learning can be skewed and ultimately not the greatest...

100% agree. I also think there can be harmful gender stereotypes in those books (which I read voraciously at a very young age) and I would try to counsel my 11-year-old daughter away from those if she wanted to read them.

[Anonymous]

I would read the same books she's reading. Yes it will be awkward. But you want to be able to point out the misogny.

[Anonymous]

I think reading romance is better than violence. So maybe step up the discussions of what healthy, mutual relationships look like (not male dominated decision making) and let her read.

[Anonymous]

I allow my kids to read whatever they want on their. If they're too young for it - it will go over their heads like Judy Blume says. I know that from experience. I was "allowed" to read Interview with a Vampire when I was in 5th grade, and I think that was the right call by my parents.

[Anonymous]

You are months away from her finding VC Andrews. Buckle up!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I allow my kids to read whatever they want on their. If they're too young for it - it will go over their heads like Judy Blume says. I know that from experience. I was "allowed" to read Interview with a Vampire when I was in 5th grade, and I think that was the right call by my parents.

+1. Reading novels is about the safest possible way for an 11 year old to be exploring her sexuality.

[Anonymous]

I agree with PPs that novels are a better way for an eleven year old to explore sexuality than what they’ll find on the Internet. There are definitely YA romance novels out there (the Selection series, To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before, the Fault in Our Stars, etc) or even YA novels with romantic elements (like the Hunger Games). Have you checked goodreads? I bet there would be some good recommendations there!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I allow my kids to read whatever they want on their. If they're too young for it - it will go over their heads like Judy Blume says. I know that from experience. I was "allowed" to read Interview with a Vampire when I was in 5th grade, and I think that was the right call by my parents.

+1. Reading novels is about the safest possible way for an 11 year old to be exploring her sexuality.

I agree! You could try and gift her romance novels that have more appropriate gender/relationship dynamics than they ones I read as a teen but honestly I don’t think censoring them will help her explore what she wants and reading about it is way better than Instagram or experimenting with other kids.

[Anonymous]

Ehh I used to read Nora Roberts in middle school and I remember reading Gone With the Wind at 12. I think at 11 the entire library should be open to her. There's nothing explicit in there.

[Anonymous]

No

[Anonymous]

Some of the YA is pretty racy. I’m of the opinion that it’s better to wait for some content until it’s more age appropriate.

I didn’t read them myself, but what about the Sweet Valley High series? I think they were supposed to be pretty clean.

Ally Carter’s books are great for tweens.

Would she be interested in fantasy/paranormal/sci-fi? Mysteries? Historical Fiction?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No

+1. Why is she specifically asking for romance novels. Honestly that sounds like an odd category for her to be seeking out at the age of 11.

[Anonymous]

This is not a romance novel, of course, but I highly recommend it.

Maybe He Just Likes You
by Barbara Dee

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07P56K21Y/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1

If I were you, I'd slip this book in with a few very sweet, benign early teen romances (like Sweet Valley High - books that involve crushes, some flirting, and maybe a kiss or a date at the end . . . )

Going back to Maybe He Just Likes You, I read it first, then gave it to DD, who devoured it and then passed it on to a few friends, who read it, too.

And though DD is not a big "talker" when it comes middle school social life, we've had good conversations about the book. Not all at once - small snippets here and there -- what she thought was realistic, what wasn't, what types of similar things she's noticed/heard from/about her classmates etc.

More than anything else, it helped us talk a bit about boundaries and opened up a line of communication for the future . . . .

Anyway, sorry to co-opt this thread. But IMO, this should be required reading for all middle schoolers - girls and boys, both.