SIL is immature spiteful bitch

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I actually gave up venting about my awful inlaws because it just stressed me out more. DH finally saw that most families he encounters do not treat people that horribly and we set huge limits.It was painful getting to that point, but these people could do in our health and sanity with the constant complaining and dramas. Now they have big blowouts with eachother and we refuse to get involved. I just try to remind myself it is what it is and the most important thing is to have a happy marriage.

My relationship with the ILs is more like this. I spent 10 years in the former Soviet Union and the FSB (KGB successor) treated me better than my ILs and the extended family did. It was a hot topic in our relationship counseling because DH didn't have the cojones to call them on their behavior. I finally refused to attend any event they would be present. DH could tell them whatever he wanted but I was done. He wasn't willing/able to address their behavior and so the only thing I could do was to remove myself from those situations. If DH started complaining about their drama, I'd just make some noncommittal sound. I refused to be drawn in. If their number came up on caller ID, I let the machine get it. If it was someone's birthday or Christmas, I didn't do cards, didn't buy a present or even remind DH to call. He's responsible for his family and I'm responsible for mine. Ah, it was great. That lasted about 3 years – until after we had our first child. DS was about 10 months old when they started extending an olive branch. By that time DH was seeing them in a new light. So, I took the high road and gradually, and in limited amounts, interacted with them again. It’s very different this time around and I have to say they’ve been well mannered. But, they’re still full of drama and I will not be drawn into that. They seem to have gotten that as has DH. People treat you the way you let them treat you.

[Anonymous]

In my family that was an unwritten rule: don't criticize sibling's better half or any member of his/her family. There weren't and MIL or FIL problems on my side--both deceased--maybe it worked because one lived in Texas, one in GA and I live here.

One sister was married to an alcoholic and in time, I came to like him more than I liked hr.

[Anonymous]

OP, the LAST person I would wait to be happy for you is SIL!

If you are very different from them, they could be jealous (instead of welcoming). How boring would it be if everyone were the same? How self centered are they that everyone should be like them (yikes!) If they are that backwards, do you want them close?

Maybe don't want anyone new in the family, but would never admit it. How insecure. Maybe they have something to hide, such as their poor family dynamics - or worse. If they don't own their sh*t, there is no reason for you to own their sh*t, that's for sure.

[Anonymous]

I'm really suprised by some of these posts bashing in-laws.

OP - I know you are venting, but you don't sounds too sweet yourself. Or even very mature, which is one of things you fault her for lacking.

[Anonymous]

My SIL is not mean, but materailistic and competitive. I have been having problems with my brother for years and she takes her cue from him.

For example, they had been trying from the time they got married to have a baby. I have health problems so we left having children as "if it happens wonderful and if it doesn't - well, it doesn't". We were married ten years when I went through a good stretch and got pregnant before they did. Turned out there was a lot of resentment because I had beat them to it. They did infertility treatments and she got pregnant one month after the birth of my baby.

Since then, they constantly post photos and news to the website to keep the family updated. My DH has observed that our limited interactions seem to bring out competitive streak in them both and that if we had a website, it would surely aggravate things. We don't - we just send photos to every one every so often.

Latest was that we received invitation to twin nephews First Holy Communion last Sat for this Sat. They live in another city, but drivable if we went the night before. But DH is on a trip and can't get back early on Friday, but could have with a heads up. I dislike driving long distances (about 7 hours).

DH saw them both at March birthday party for another BIL in the other city. (I was having a relapse and too sick to go.) They NEVER mentioned this event to DH or sent us an e-mail heads-up. In fact, they hardly spoke to him though he tried several times to chat with them and the nephews. The kids played together.

I am wondering why we even got an invitation when I don't feel we were wanted anyway, unless it was to have us send money as a last minute gift. Thanks to DCUM, actually found a nice recommendation for gift which will be delivered tomorrow. Kids will be happy. Can't take out problems on the kids.

[Anonymous]

i was 8 months pregnant during mother's day and was talking to my SIL and my husband's family about how this was kind of like my first mother's day even though the baby had not been born yet. she responded - "in that case, i have a dog so i guess it will be mother's day for me too"....ugh

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i was 8 months pregnant during mother's day and was talking to my SIL and my husband's family about how this was kind of like my first mother's day even though the baby had not been born yet. she responded - "in that case, i have a dog so i guess it will be mother's day for me too"....ugh

Technically, she is correct. Is there a day in honor of "first-time pregnant mothers-to-be"? Get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

My SIL invited my MIL and her mother to dinner for Mother's Day...but she failed to include me. And this is after we are always inviting them over for birthdays, holidays, just because, etc.

Whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i was 8 months pregnant during mother's day and was talking to my SIL and my husband's family about how this was kind of like my first mother's day even though the baby had not been born yet. she responded - "in that case, i have a dog so i guess it will be mother's day for me too"....ugh

Oh my. You are going to be a joy. You are gestating, it does not count until it is delivered.

[Anonymous]

dsfs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not struggling with infertility at all. She is married to an idiot that has 3 dui, no license and thousands of dollars in fines. They recently moved in with the inlaws. Needless to say the jealous is what drives her to be a bitch but really that's not my problem. She needs to realize her situation is her own doing and be happy for other people.

Unless she specifially told you she has no reproductive issues, I wouldnt assume that shedoesn't... even if she has kids. I had asimilar reaction when my SIL announced her pregnancy (and couldnt stop gushing about it) and lerned later since I had one child that meant I couldnt have more issues, in their imagination... not true in my case

[Anonymous]

Yaaaaaaawn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i was 8 months pregnant during mother's day and was talking to my SIL and my husband's family about how this was kind of like my first mother's day even though the baby had not been born yet. she responded - "in that case, i have a dog so i guess it will be mother's day for me too"....ugh

Oh my. You are going to be a joy. You are gestating, it does not count until it is delivered.

Sorry, but I disagree...I definetly became a mother before my DS was born...does it also "not count" unless "it" is delievered alive? Very hurtful and unthoughtful comment, PP. And OP, sorry your SIL treated you that way...tell her that her dog is lucky to have a great "mommy" and that you can't wait for your "kids" to meet each other. seriously, she was just looking for affirmation that she is worthwhile too, even if she isn't a mommy...people say hateful things when they are hurting.


OP, your SIL sounds like a mess...what an awful situation she has created (although her DH's DUI's aren't really a situation "she" created...just a consequence she has to live with as long as she is married to him). She chooses to let her life situation rule her and define her...be the bigger person and realize that she is probably horribly unhappy, most likely depressed, and expectadly jealous. My SIL is such a let down...total flake. And it hurts DH and I so badly every time because we want her to grow up and live up to our expectations...but we both realize that they are just that- OUR expectations. We cannot change her and refuse to let her irresponsiblity rule our relationship with her. We just accept it and set boundaries to prevent her immaturity from affecting us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i was 8 months pregnant during mother's day and was talking to my SIL and my husband's family about how this was kind of like my first mother's day even though the baby had not been born yet. she responded - "in that case, i have a dog so i guess it will be mother's day for me too"....ugh

Oh my. You are going to be a joy. You are gestating, it does not count until it is delivered.

12:41 and you pp are DISGUSTING PIGS! Get over yourselves. Not the pp you were responding to but someone completely nauseated by your comments.

[Anonymous]

DH and I had a huge fight in front of his sister while we were all away for the weekend. We have never had such a huge fight, especially in front of an audience. It was so bad that DH threw his hands up in the air and said he would go the following week to file for divorce. We decided that it wasn't the time or place to have such a discussion so we dropped it until we were able to speak in private. We worked it all out, of course, but not before his sister told us she may never speak to us again. She said we had ruined her weekend (because it's all about her) and that she would email us but that it was pointless to respond. She wouldn't read it. She then told the kids she wouldn't see them again for a long time and clarified to us that it would be Christmas, if ever. She then left, with the kids in tears, and we haven't heard from her since. This was several months ago now.

I feel bad for the kids because they don't understand why their aunt wants nothing to do with them anymore. I have explained it the best I can, but I don't fully understand it all. Especially since she had been talking about taking a trip, just the two of us, before this all went down.