How to handle tween's "new friend" that is bad influence

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hmm...sorry but this friend would be ghosted very soon by my DD and I would devote a lot of time and effort on my DD to talk to her, explain things to her and divert her towards more positive endeavors.

Parenting is tough. You have to put in lots of time and be available to your kids, otherwise, very soon your kid will be cutting or sexting or whatever path such bad influence friends lead your kid to.

+1

I have told my kid that you only have so much energy and friends should be a positive in your life.

Oof, I don’t know. I completely understand the instinctual desire to shield your kid from this kind of thing. I’ve been having a really hard time figuring out a similar issue with my 13 year old. But I have a really hard time with the messaging that we should run away from friends who are clearly hurting inside. You can advise your kids to fill their lives with positivity as much as possible, but insisting they turn their backs on friends with mental health issues is just not the path to being a good person in the long run.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hmm...sorry but this friend would be ghosted very soon by my DD and I would devote a lot of time and effort on my DD to talk to her, explain things to her and divert her towards more positive endeavors.

Parenting is tough. You have to put in lots of time and be available to your kids, otherwise, very soon your kid will be cutting or sexting or whatever path such bad influence friends lead your kid to.

+1

I have told my kid that you only have so much energy and friends should be a positive in your life.

Oof, I don’t know. I completely understand the instinctual desire to shield your kid from this kind of thing. I’ve been having a really hard time figuring out a similar issue with my 13 year old. But I have a really hard time with the messaging that we should run away from friends who are clearly hurting inside. You can advise your kids to fill their lives with positivity as much as possible, but insisting they turn their backs on friends with mental health issues is just not the path to being a good person in the long run.

Eh, I don’t know. At this stage, kids don’t have the skills yet to help in a meaningful way without getting dragged in or assuming they have more power to positively affect their friend then they do. The best thing kids at this stage can do is get the friend to a school counselor (ie, neutral party) who can figure out this should be addressed with the parents.

Friendship isn’t a substitute for mental health. Codependency really does happen at this age

[Anonymous]

I would encourage your DD to go to the guidance counselor. They can keep your DD's name out of it, but the counselor will be able to start working with the girl and let her parents know. She may lose the friend, but it's the right thing to do. The friend may actually be grateful later on.